The Surgeon of Marabia
by Russian Blue Witch
Summary: A story in the Daring Do universe, based on the Daring Do universe portrayed on TV Tropes. Disclaimer: Daring Do only appears in a couple of chapters. A full explanation and plot summary can be found at the start of the prologue. Rated T for violence ONLY.
1. Prologue

**The Surgeon of Marabia**

_But first, some author notes (because this webiste doesn't allow me to post a chapter that consists only of author's notes)_

**Note to non-Tropers:**

(If you don't know what a Troper is, you are a non-Troper.)

There is a website known as TV Tropes. It's a website for (to grossly oversimplify) discussing fiction. You can read more about it on their main page.

There is a huge brony community on TV Tropes. Some members of this community decided to create a fake canon for the Daring Do books, creating a page where they could have a fake discussion about the imaginary books, talking from the perspective of ponies. The page has expanded past the point where most real book series would end, consisting of multiple book series, movies, and other media. They even have a page discussing all the (imaginary) characters in detail.

It's been a point of great distress for me that the Daring Do books the Tropers describe don't actually exist. I've had the fantasy for some time that I could write them myself. (Or some of them, anyway- it would take a lifetime at least to write _all_ the books, and I'm not even interested in all of them.) So this fanfiction was born from some of the characters described on the TVTropes page, and a story that came to me based on the hijinks they seemed capable of.

This story is not about Daring Do. Or Ahuizotl. Or Dr. Caballeron. Daring Do only makes a guest appearance as the star of one of the chapters. So if you came here looking for a story about Daring Do and noticed that my story had 'Daring Do' as a tag, then, well... I'm going to have to disappoint you.

Who knows, you may enjoy the story anyway. But I must warn you, I'll be making some references in the story that may be unintelligible to non-Tropers.

Anyway, I promised you would get a more thorough plot summary in the introduction, so here it is:

"When Swinn and Dell, twin con artists (who are totally unrelated to Flim and Flam) get their hooves on a potion that cures all wounds and brings back the dead, they see only the opportunity to make a bunch of cash. But such a potion cannot be released on the market without being thoroughly tested, so they decide to use Sebastius, Swinn's sociopathic ex-boyfriend, as their guinea pig. But it doesn't work quite as planned...

"Join Sebastius and his good counterpart, Bravado, as they travel through the land of Marabia, dodging guards and crazy doctors, escaping from a deadly game of pinball, and discovering family secrets. And dying. They also die a whole lot."

Oh, one last thing: the reason I use 'Marabia' instead of the canon 'Saddle Arabia' is because... it's complicated, but I'm pretending that the pony who wrote this story (Magic Step) used Marabia as a transparent replacement for the (to her) real world country Saddle Arabia to avoid offending anypony. So, yes, I'm aware of the existence of Saddle Arabia.

**Note to Tropers:**

I'm not sure what, exactly, possessed me to write this story. Not only is my pool of readers sorely limited (to people who read the Daring Do TV Tropes page and don't mind lousy writing or a distinct lack of Daring Do) but it doesn't even fit on the Daring Do TV Tropes page, since Sebastius Mareton doesn't exactly have his own series, nor is likely to. (It could possibly fit under a Bravado series even though Bravado sees less action than Sebastius, but there isn't a Bravado series either...) So feel free to move my story around on the Daring Do page (or, if it sticks out too much, to delete it entirely. Sniff.)

Reading the Daring Do TVTropes page had brought so much mindless joy into my life. It's like climbing into a pen filled with hundreds of plot bunnies, which gnaw on me forever. It hurts, but I like it. So I hope to be able to contribute in lots of different ways. (As you may be able to guess from the end of this story, I have a lot of other ideas for books I can write. I also would like to write some of the stories you already described, but my output is really slow and I'm likely to lose interest in the series before that happens.) This story is, I hope, the first of many.

But I am unequal to the task which is set before me, so I'd like to add a couple caveats for you to keep in mind as you read this story:

-First, I should tell you up front that I am a Christian, and I am not comfortable with writing anything that goes against my beliefs or principles. I will not (intentionally) write a story that teaches anything counter to my faith. That said, I'm not one of those nuts who believe the gospel message must be put in every story (if you can believe that...) nor do I think every story needs to be inundated with references to God, Jesus, and the Bible, so I hope that you non-Christians won't feel too preached at. I believe (let's see if I can say this without sounding too new-age-y) that God permeates all areas of life, and that all morality comes from God, and God's morals can be found everywhere. Even though I usually start my stories without planning on having any moral at all, God reveals the lesson that the story was meant to teach, and I take this moral and bring it out more. (No, God doesn't speak to me- not directly, anyway. It's just that often I have ideas, and I'm not sure where they came from, and I feel like maybe God is whispering to me. It's not actually creepy.) So, believe it or not, I wasn't actually planning on writing this story with a Christian moral- it seemed to come organically, as in, if the character really fell into the situations I imagined, this might be what they would learn...  
(I don't want to get into a discussion on how Jesus can exist in the world of Equestria. I'm just not comfortable writing a story in which Christianity 'isn't true'; to me, that would be like writing a story about a world where murder is a moral thing to do. [Not just _considered_ a moral thing to do, but _is _a moral thing to do. Take a moment to appreciate the difference between the words.] I also don't really want to rename God or Jesus like many other books [such as the Chronicles of Narnia] do, just as a matter of personal preference. So please let this issue _drop_.)

-Second, related to the above, I'm unwilling to write any story with a rating any more serious than "Rated T for violence only." That's why Storm Talon and Sebastius Mareton use (censored) instead of actual swear words.  
Frankly, I think most of you are silly ponies for attempting to keep up the pretense that Daring Do is a children's book just so you can draw parallels to the brony community. No real children's book would have a character who swears as much as Storm Talon, or a character who abuses substances as much as Ghoul, or such violent deaths as Whitefrock's (for example) appear to be from your descriptions, or such cruel and twisted characters as Sweeny Trot. (Okay, a kid's book might contain a cannibal, but I doubt that said cannibals would ever actually eat anyone.) The stories I write will probably be closer to children's books than the ones you describe, as an indirect result of my Christianity. (Although I can be creatively violent in my stories, hence the 'T for violence only' bit.)

-The extent of my familiarity with the adventure archeologist genre is limited to three Indiana Jones movies and what little there was of _Daring Do and the Cloudheld Eternity_. That's why this story is so... non-adventure-archeologist-y. I'm also lousy at fight scenes, if you can't tell from the fact that all the battles I wrote except the last one were 1HKO's. Sorry.

-I got Sebastius Mareton all wrong. Which is probably even more egregious, since he's the main character. Everything I know about sociopathy comes from reading the TV Tropes page and my own imagination, so I probably got all the symptoms wrong. Also, somehow, when I wrote this story out I forgot to apply nearly all the tropes you listed for his character. Also, I never watched, nor do I plan to watch, _A Clockwork Orange_, which one of you claimed as the basis for his character. So I hope my portrayal doesn't make you writhe in agony too much.

-I hate character death. So here (and in any future stories I may write) I may be retconning several deaths. Apologies in advance if they upset you. I have a very weak mind.

_Okay, sorry to bother you. Let's get to the story!_

* * *

"So… cold…" Dell whispered.

"Don't try and talk," Swinn said, gently laying her sister on the bed of their mechanical wagon. Rain poured down from the sky, and thunder and lightning flashed constantly.

"It's a stupid desert," Dell whispered, tracing a circle on the metal wagon bed.. "Deserts shouldn't… be so… c-cold… or so wet…"

"You hush," Swinn said, strapping herself into the leather harness. Usually she and her sister propelled their wagon with magic, but after all the fancy spells she'd had to cast to scatter the guards, she wasn't sure she had enough power in her. "We'll find a doctor. Don't talk like that." She charged down the street.

Dell closed her eyes and rested her head on the wagonbed. "Swinn, my leg is bleeding…"

"I know. Don't worry." Swinn frantically scanned the shops on each side. She couldn't read Marabian, so she just had to judge by the pictures. The lightning revealed signs bearing a coffee cup, a pile of money, a pair of horseshoes…

"Stop where you are!" a stallion called out.

Swinn plunged into a pit of wet sand and started sinking. "Urgh…" Wincing in anticipation, she telekinetically lifted herself out. Her head was pounding. That pony had better have a good reason for stopping her. A reason that wasn't 'you're under arrest'.

"What do you think you're doing?" a tall abada stallion demanded. He was frantically brushing mud off of the white coat that he wore.

"Sorry, sir, I don't have time to exchange pleasantries," Swinn huffed.

"You have _ruined_ my white lab coat!" the abada shouted, shoving a corner of the coat into Swinn's face. "How am I supposed to be a surgeon without a white lab coat?"

"I could care less, mister," Swinn said, staring angrily at the dirty white fabric. Then the other sentence caught up to her.

"Wait, a surgeon?" she asked. "Are you really a surgeon?"

"_Obviously_," the abada said, rolling his eyes. "Haven't you heard of me?"

"I really, really need to ask you to-" Swinn started.

"I already knew _that_," the surgeon said with another eye roll. "I heard the conflict from my shop and went to check if anypony needed help. Du-uh."

Swinn wondered if this Marabian had learned Equestrian from a television show about stereotypical teenagers. But this was no time to judge. Through her psychic link with Dell, she could tell her sister was in a lot of pain. It was beginning to affect her, too. If this kept on then _both_ of them would become unable to function. Psychic links had their downsides.

"Well," Swinn said, "where's your clinic?"

"Follow me," the abada said, jerking his head.

"This is it?" Swinn asked in disbelief.

The surgeon's 'clinic' was a short little boxy shape squashed between two huge taverns. Boards covered the windows and doors. The paint was peeling from the window ledges and the door, and the bricks were crumbling.

"I'm only setting up shop here temporarily," the surgeon said, prying a few planks off of the door and pulling out a set of lockpicks. "Hold on just a moment."

A flash of lightning let Swinn briefly glimpse the interior of the shop. All she could make out was a wooden table and a glint of metal on the walls.

"There we go," the abada said, pushing the door open. "If you don't mind bringing your sister yourself? I would hate to get blood on my white lab coat. Sand comes out, blood doesn't, if you understand."

Groaning, Swinn telekinetically flung Dell onto her back and staggered into the 'clinic'.

"I just need a moment," the surgeon said, running into a back room. "Meanwhile strap your sister to the table and get comfortable."

Swinn lay Dell on what looked like a splintery kitchen table with metal bands attached. She decided to forgo the 'strapping' part. "Let me look for a light switch."

"I'm not so sure about this…" Dell whimpered.

"Here we go," Swinn said, turning up a kerosene lamp. Then she gasped as she saw just _what_ had been glinting on the walls a moment ago.

The walls were lined with knives.

Big knives, little knives, knives for vegetables, knives for meat, serrated knives, unserrated knives, scapulas by the dozen interspersed among long bread knives and daggers. In addition, there were two battle axes and about thirty hypodermic needles of various sizes and lengths. All of them seemed spread randomly around the wall. It almost looked like a collection Krastos might have. Except that Krastos always kept his knives polished until they gleamed like silver. Over half of these knives had rust on them.

Nope, Swinn thought, leaning closer, some of that isn't rust. It's dried blood.

"I want another doctor!" Dell half-shrieked.

Lightning flashed, illuminating the huge stallion standing in the doorway to the back room. Swinn and Dell screamed.

"What?" the abada said, trotting into the room with a pot telekinetically hovering in the air next to him. He set the steaming pot down on the table. "Did you think I was the guards?"

"Kn-kn-knives!" Dell stammered weakly, as the abada grabbed her injured leg. "Ow!"

"Oh, yes," the abada said, smiling proudly as he took a look at the instruments of torture lining the walls. "I have a very extensive collection, as you can see. They are my pride and joy." He frowned down at Dell. "Stop quivering! I'm not going to use them on _you_, you imbecile. Your leg needs to be reattached, not cut off! Why would I need a knife?" He sighed heavily as if mourning the deficiency of intelligence nowadays as he telekinetically dipped a rag into the pot. He drew it out, and it was covered with what looked like green glow-in-the-dark paint. "This actually doesn't sting. Truly." He yanked Dell's leg into position, making her whimper, and rubbed the glowing salve over the cut.

"But what are the axes for?" Swinn asked, wondering if she should just grab her sister and run.

The abada looked up briefly. "Dissections." He returned his attention to Dell's wound.

Swinn thought back to the time she had dissected a frog in high school. She was pretty sure no battle axes had been involved.

"A little more, and… good." The surgeon tossed the rag into a sack hanging from the wall. "You are free to go."

"Wh-what about a bandage?" Dell asked, staying where she was.

"A bandage?" The surgeon blinked dramatically. "Whatever _for_? Or do you just wear bandages for fashion statements?"

Dell stared at the surgeon in disbelief.

Swinn trotted over to the operating table. "Oh, my gosh. Dell- the wound is healed."

"What?" Dell said, sitting up and examining her leg. No trace of the spear wound remained. "Already?"

"Well, _duh_," the abada said. "I can't _believe_ you haven't heard of me. This," he said, holding up the pot and shaking it a bit, "is my miracle brew. A very special formula that only I know about, and only I can make." He set the pot down and magically opened a drawer under the table and levitated several small vials into the air. "Just add water to these vials, boil for a few minutes, and voila- the ultimate innovation in the field of medicine."

"Wow!" Dell said, her eyes gleaming.

Swinn crossed her forehooves. "Yeah, right. If this medicine really is so spectacular, why do you live in this abandoned shop? Why aren't you world-famous?"

The surgeon sighed dramatically, and the vials dropped to the table. "The government of Marabia is… opposed to my research. I'm hunted like a… like a duck. There's nowhere I can go."

Swinn's eyes lit up. So did Dell's. The two twins looked at each other, knowing their minds were on the same tracks. Psychic links had their upsides.

"Well, the Equestrian government is _very_ open to new medicine," Swinn said, trotting up to the abada surgeon and rubbing her hoof under his chin. "That's the country we come from."

"Really?" The abada's eyes lit up. "Oh, that sounds… wonderful! It's my dream to go there!"

"Why can't you?"

The abada sighed, but this was a softer sigh than before. "I'd… never make it past the border. My skill is in medicine, not in smuggling."

"We-ell," Dell cooed, "we just happen to be expert smugglers."

"And," Swinn added, "we're heading back to Equestria in just a few days!"

The abada's eyes brightened. "Really?"

"Really truly," Swinn said. "If you want, we could take some of your medicine up there for you."

The abada blinked stupidly. "But what about me? Couldn't you take me?"

Swinn and Dell looked at each other.

"Well, we don't really smuggle ponies…" Dell started.

"But believe me," Swinn said, "once Equestria gets a glimpse of this amazing medicine, I'm sure they'll bargain with the Marabian government to let you immigrate to our country. They won't let this rest. It will be far too good an opportunity to miss!"

"You know it!" Dell said, smiling brightly.

The abada was grinning from ear to ear. "That… would be incredible. I can't believe you would be nice enough to do this for me!"

"Oh, it's nothing, really," Swinn said with a wink at Dell. Dell giggled.

"But wait," the abada said, dashing from the room. "I haven't shown you the best part! Hold on a second!"

Swinn and Dell exchanged sly glances as they made themselves comfortable on a wooden bench.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Dell whispered.

"This is going to be pure. Profit," Swinn whispered back.

The two sisters giggled at their good fortune.

"Here we are!" the abada shouted, wheeling a stretcher into the room. Strapped to the stretched was a brown pegasus, his legs and wings fastened to the stretcher in a splayed out position and his head locked between two boards. The surgeon propped the stretcher against the wood table so that Swinn and Dell could see the pony on it clearly.

The pegasus blinked at the bright light and gasped when he noticed the two girls. "Who are you?" he said, his voice shaking a bit.

"Enough talk," the abada said, hefting the battle axe off of the wall into his hooves.

"What's he doing?" the brown pegasus asked, trying to turn his head, but the boards held it firmly in place.

The abada swung the axe over his shoulder and walked closer to the stretcher.

"Wait," Dell said, "you aren't going-"

The axe thudded into the wood of the stretcher, severing the pegasus' head. Blood oozed out of the wound and spattered Swinn and Dell, who both screamed.

The pegasus' mouth was frozen in a silent scream of terror.

The surgeon removed his battle axe and struck six more times, severing all the pegasus' limbs from his body. All remained in place because of the straps, but the surgeon moved them around a bit to demonstrate that they were fully separated.

Swinn and Dell just gaped at him. They were frozen in place with horror.

The abada carefully set the battle axe back on the wall, not bothering to wipe the blood off. Then he pulled a rag from his pocket with a flourish. "Observe!" He dipped it in his special medicine. Then, with great care, he spread the lotion generously over each of the cuts, starting with the wings and then the legs. Each healed without a trace.

"And for my grand finale…" he said, rubbing the rag over the cut in the pegasus' neck.

The wound healed, as though the pegasus' head had never been cut off.

The pegasus blinked, and his voice came back with a soft gasp. "Wh-what?"

"How are we feeling, then?" the abada asked, tapping his front hoof on the edge of the stretcher.

The pegasus just opened and shut his mouth a bit. "You- you…"

"Are you in any pain?" the abada asked.

"Well… no," the pegasus squeaked.

"Well, ladies?" the abada said, gesturing to the stretcher dramatically. "Alive and well. So now you can see just how potent my medicine truly is." He then kicked the stretcher so that it rolled out of the room, and he shut the door so that the Swinndell sisters could no longer see the pegasus.

Dell just kept gaping, but Swinn began to clap a bit.

"Does- does that work for any kind of death?" she asked.

The abada hesitated. "Yes- yes, as long as my medicine is applied within an hour of the execution. And as long as the pony died from wounds and not from, say, illness or poison or burns. I haven't really been able to do anything with those, yet…"

"Keen!" Swinn said. "So, let's talk profit. We bring your medicine across the border, sing its praises, give a few demonstrations, and then we bring you to Equestria and start our own business."

"Just one thing," the abada said. "Promise me that you won't sell this formula to any business ponies or doctors. Just use a few samples on patients."

"Understood," Dell said, knowing full well that if they kept that promise, it would only be because, incidentally, they could make the most money that way. "We promise that you will _love _the results."

"Indeed," the abada said, pressing a sack full of vials into Swinn's hooves. "This is easily the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you so very much."

"We live to serve," Swinn said, bowing.

"Oh, yes indeed," Dell said, bowing also. "You won't regret this."

They backed out of the doorway and loaded up the wagon.

"Well," Dell said as they enchanted the wagon and started off down the street, "that was a lot of excitement for one day. So what do you say we head back to the inn?"

"Hmm," Swinn said. "I don't really want to sleep just yet. First I want to know if this medicine is legit."

"What?" Dell said. "But you saw what he did back there. How can you doubt it's real? We saw that pony's head get cut off!"

"Yes," Swinn said, "but I'm not convinced that was a real pony. For all we know, that surgeon is also an accomplished illusionist. In fact, I'd bet you a silver bit that his test subject was just an illusion. Did you see that pegasus' wings? Far too tiny for its body. And his mane was blue. Blue with a brown body. That's just a genetic impossibility."

"Really?" Dell said.

"Well, that shade of brown anyway," Swinn said. "Trust me on this. We need to find another test subject. Somepony who, if he accidentally dies, the world will be better off without."

"Do you have somepony in mind?" Dell said, peering curiously at her sister.

"Hmm, well, actually, now that you mention it…"

"Noteworthy Smith?"

Swinn gave Dell an odd look. "I was thinking of somepony we could actually get our hooves on."

"Oh," Dell said. "Um…"

"Tell you what," Swinn said, pulling up to a tavern. "How about you head back to the inn and start cooking up a batch of medicine. Meanwhile, I'll be reconnecting." She smiled at Dell and strutted off into the tavern.


	2. Chapter 1: Knee Bone Connects to the

Sebastius Mareton, intrepid adventurer, propped his chair against the wall and placed his back hooves on the table. He was a familiar enough patron at this tavern to get away with it. This certainly wasn't the first time he'd gone looking for ancient treasures in Marabia.

Nor, he thought with a malicious glint in his eye, was it the first time for his enemy, Daring Do.

The lighting in the Marabian bar was bad enough already, but the lamp above Sebastius' table was broken. He was reasonably certain the shadows would hide him from the sharp eyes of the archeologist pegasus.

Daring Do and her fellow professor Storm Talon the griffin were sitting at a table in the center of the room. With them were two pegasi that Mareton had never seen before. One of them was young enough to be a student at Canterlot university, and the other looked even younger. Grade school, he figured.

The door opened, and when Mareton saw the new arrival- a gray earth pony with a red mane- he rolled his eyes. Was there some treasure-hunter convention going on that he didn't know about?

Daring Do finished her mug of cider and leapt from her seat, heading the newcomer off before he could get too far. "Hey, Bravado. What are you looking for this time?"

Bravado smirked at Daring, then yanked a dagger from a pocket in his cargo vest, tossed it in the air, and caught it on his hoof, balancing it on the tip and spinning it in a slight circle. "No treasure this time, _mi Chiquita_. I stopped in the area because of a friend of mine. Azure Lightning. None of his companions have heard from him in nearly a month. I don't suppose you know anything?"

Daring Do bit her lip and shook her head. "Sorry, can't help you. Hope you find him; he's a good pony."

"Don't I know it," Bravado sighed. He stopped spinning the dagger and caught it with his other hoof.

"Well," Daring said, "I was going to ask if you want to help look for a lost temple…"

"Sorry, Daring," Bravado said. "I'm gonna have to decline. But speaking of offers, I ran into a gang of about forty robbers and had to disarm them all, and I got a whole lotta daggers out of the deal. I was going to offer you first pick, but some creepy abada in a doctor's coat took one look at them and told me he'd take them all. And then went off giggling madly. I'd hate to be his patient."

"Eurgh," Daring said.

"But I saved the best for you, _si te interesa_," Bravado said, handing the dagger to her. "Look at the handle. I think that bandit didn't understand it's true worth, no?"

"Oh, wow…" Daring said, staring transfixed at the dagger. "Storm! Come look at this!"

Professor Storm Talon dropped his mug and strode over to where Daring and Bravado stood, his sharp talons clacking on the floor. "Tell me about it."

Sebastius Mareton saw his chance and slid away from the table, moving stealthily towards Daring Do's young pegasi friends, who were still sitting at the table looking nervous. Clearly Canterlotian kids. Probably had no street smarts worth speaking of.

"As you can see," Bravado said, gesturing to the dagger, "there are marks here in the Epeclia language, speaking of a jewel of fire."

"Probably refers to the Volcanic Rubies," Daring said thoughtfully.

Mareton was a few tables away from his target.

"I believe that the handle contains one of these rubies," Bravado said. "I've seen openable handles shaped like this before. It would have to be one of the smaller ones, though."

"They were always pretty small," Daring said. "The biggest one ever recovered was only the size of a ping-pong ball."

"I know," Bravado said. "My mother told me all about it when I was little. My dad recovered it."

Mareton halted his sneaky progression for a moment to glare at Bravado. He felt himself grow hot with anger at that horrible lie. He almost felt like breaking cover to set that arrogant Horsepanic explorer straight. Fortunately, Storm Talon, who had the market cornered on temper tantrums, got there first.

"No he didn't, you (censored) liar," Storm Talon said. "_I _recovered that Volcanic Ruby when I was younger, back when Daring's dad and I and some friends were a team."

"My mom was telling the truth," Bravado huffed. "She couldn't have been mistaken."

"I wasn't mistaken either," Storm Talon growled. "I was (censored) _there!_"

Mareton smirked. Good. Storm Talon and Bravado could hurl insults at each other for a good long while before Daring managed to calm them down. Now was the time to make his move. He walked right up to the two pegasus fillies.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii, girls," he cooed as he slid into a chair next to the younger filly. He stroked her mane and grinned at her wickedly. The little filly seemed to be too terrified to scream.

"Wh-who are you?" the older one stammered.

"My name isn't important," Mareton said. "What _is_ important is… how close are you to finding the Miracle Chalice?"

"How do you know about that?" the older filly asked, leaning in closer_. Honestly_, Mareton thought, _learn some survival skills. Your adult chaperones are only a few feet away- scream for help! Aren't all girls good at screaming? You're making my job too easy!_

Mareton gave her a sweeter smile this time. "Let's just say… I have a better right to the treasure than either of your friends there," he said. "And I intend to be the one to find it. So watch your-"

"Mareton!"

Sebastius looked up and saw Daring Do, Professor Storm Talon, and Bravado all glaring at him.

"Hey, Daring," he said, smirking. "Long time no-"

"Put that filly down," Storm Talon said, glaring at Mareton. "Now."

Sebastius sighed. "I'm not actually holding her, you'll notice, but that's a malleable state. Like this." He picked the filly up and cradled her in his arms.

"L-leave my sister alone!" Ah, the older sister had finally found her voice.

"Why should I? I like kids." Sebastius leered over the little filly. "I like to suck the eyeballs out of their little skulls." He made sucking sounds.

The filly started crying silently.

"Oy!"

Mareton barely had a chance to look up before Bravado's hoof connected with his forehead. Mareton's chair tipped backwards, and he sprawled over the floor. The little pegasus filly quickly ran over to her big sister and hugged her tight, still crying.

"Shh," the older sister said. "It's okay." She put her hooves together in front of her and bowed to Bravado. So did the little sister.

Mareton was up in a flash. "What kind of hello is that?"

"Oh, would you rather I said goodbye instead?" Bravado said. "I'd be happy to knock your arrogant block off."

Mareton snorted. "Yeah, right. I'm not even going to go into the physical impossibilities involved in that statement. Believe it or not, I don't want any trouble. I just noticed what day it was, and came to check if your offer to buy me a drink still stands, Storm Talon."

There was an awkward pause, as Storm Talon shuffled his claws around. He and Daring whispered to each other for a moment. Storm Talon was a bad whisperer.

"I ought to at least see what he wants," Storm Talon was saying. "And I doubt he'll make much of a fuss if I refuse a drink of my own. What could possibly go wrong?"

Daring muttered something darkly. Mareton couldn't quite catch it.

"Understood," Storm Talon said, turning back to Mareton. "All right, I'll buy. But we're sitting somewhere else."

"Sure," Sebastius Mareton said, shrugging. "I've already got us a table." As he walked past Bravado, he kicked the gray earth pony in the leg. "Don't fret, 'vado. I'm sure you'll get a chance to kill me later." Sebatius smirked. "And take care of the kids," he added to Daring. "It would be just _awful_ if something happened to them, isn't that right?"

The two fillies glared at him as he left.

* * *

"You really know how to treat," Mareton said. He lifted his mug. "A toast for departed mutual enemies, to commemorate the special day of their departure. Storm Talon, care to say a few words?"

Storm Talon lifted an invisible mug. "Sure, why the (censored) not?" he said, grinning widely, relaxing a bit. "To Deborah Nagridge, hands down (censored) worst president Canterlot University has ever had the (censored) of having, before or since."

"Here's to the demise of unicorn supremacists everywhere, in the hopes that their deaths may be as musical to my ears as that of Nagridge," Mareton said.

"I (censored) (censored) agree, for once, you piece of (censored)," Storm Talon said, elaborately drinking from his invisible mug.

"Best murder ever," Sebastius Mareton cooed, before taking a huge gulp of the spicy alcohol in his mug. "Good stuff. My compliments."

"Cut to the chase," Storm Talon said. "What do you want?"

"Moi?" Sebastius said, giving Storm Talon a very innocent look. "I wasn't going to ask anything of you. I just wanted to warn you that you guys are headed into very dangerous territory. And bringing the kids was a stupid idea. It just gives me more targets. Stupid targets, at that. Seriously, does that little filly even know _how_ to scream?"

"No," Storm Talon said darkly. "Gentle Flower was born unable to talk."

"Ooh. Sounds like torture," Mareton said.

"For you, it would be."

Mareton took another drink and leaned back in his chair. "Remember that time I threatened to cut out your tongue and replace it with a live parasprite? Good times, huh?"

"How would you know anything about the Temple of Ko-mara?" Storm Talon demanded.

"Don't change the subject."

"This is serious. The only reason we knew anything about it was because Sandstorm and Gentle Flower happened to be distantly related to members of the Ko-mara and had a codebook so we could translate their language." Storm Talon smirked. "Daring's always told her students that if they help her find an artifact, they'll get extra credit, but Sandstorm was her first student to take her up on that." The smirk vanished. "So I'll ask again: how would _you_ know anything about where to find it?"

"Puh-lease," Mareton said, rolling his eyes. He pulled a small leather book out of his coat pocket and slammed it on the table. "The entire reason you let my father join your adventuring party in the days of old, when dinosaurs roamed the earth-"

"I'm not that old, you (censored) whippersnapper," Storm Talon said.

"At any rate, the reason you and Daring's father let _my_ father join your adventuring party is because he was, if I may quote you, '(censored) good with (censored) ancient languages.' He'd already figured out the more important words in the Ko-mara langauge before Winchester Tock- and let me repeat that for emphasis- _Winchester Tock_, as in _not me_, murdered him."

"The jury gave their testimony and I accepted it," Storm Talon said. "If you're going to hold a grudge about something, I can give you something to (censored) hold a grudge about."

"Injuries to this mortal shell of mine I am willing to forgive and forget," Mareton said, "but insults to my intelligence stand forever. As in, murdering my own father, especially in such a blatantly obvious manner, would have been an incredibly stupid move."

There was an awkward silence, as the two of them turned introspective for a period of time.

"Enough," Sebastius Mareton said, shaking his head. "I didn't call you to reminisce. I just wanted to let you know that you had competition, that's all. But one last thing." He raised his mug. "To Rodolphus Mareton, one of the greatest explorers who ever lived."

Storm Talon gave Mareton a wary look. "All right. I'll drink to that." He raised another invisible mug. "To Rodolphus Mareton, great explorer, great friend, and a great pony. And you, Sebastius, can only dream of the day when you will be worthy to clean your father's (censored) rotting _corpse_. With your _tongue_." He pushed violently away from the table and headed back to Daring.

Mareton tisk-tisked as he watched Storm Talon leave. Then he polished off his mug.

"Hey there, Pudding." Two brimming mugs of alcohol thumped on the table.

Mareton turned and saw his old romantic interest, Swinn. Swinn was… a difficult girl to manage, as whenever Mareton met her, he had no way of knowing based on prior experience whether she was planning to ask him out for a date, or planning his demise. Or both. But her use of the cutesy nickname indicated favorable waters tonight, and he was in the mood to hang out with a pretty girl himself, so he decided to play along. "Hey there, Swinn," he said. "Looking good tonight. What treasures doth thou seek in this land of magic and mystery?"

Swinn sat down next to Mareton and played with his mane teasingly. "What? Are you implying there's a greater treasure to be found in this whole entire country than you?"

"I'm glad you find me worthy," Mareton said. "Come here, sweetiekins." He pulled her close and nuzzled her affectionately.

"By the way," Swinn whispered even as she was nuzzling Mareton, "I looked up sociopathy when I got home from our last date, and I learned you guys are physically incapable of loving another pony besides yourself. So you can't fool me anymore."

Alarm bells went off in Mareton's head. He pulled away from the nuzzle. "You misunderstand. Perhaps we don't understand love in the same way you normies do, but we can feel affection."

"In the same way that a pony might like his favorite hat, or a filly might feel an attachment to her pet goldfish," Swinn said, smiling excessively sweetly.

This was not going very well…

"What?" Mareton said, looking shocked. "You haven't seen how attached some ponies get to their material possessions? To some of them, it becomes an all-consuming obsession. Their passion. Stand between them and the thing they care about, and watch them get angry." Mareton rubbed a hoof under Swinn's chin. "And let me tell you, if anybody was to harm you, they would regret it with their last breath. I'd make sure of that."

Swinn giggled. "Come here, cutie pie." She pulled him into a tight embrace.

Mareton resisted the urge to sigh with relief. One blow dodged.

The hug over and done with, Swinn picked up her mug. "To old friends, huh, Pudding?" She extended the mug.

Mareton smiled and clinked his mug with hers. "Cheers, Swinny dear." He took a big gulp.

Swinn giggled maliciously. "Oh, Mareton, that was very silly of you. I thought I'd have to use a whole lot more charm to get you to swallow that."

Mareton set the cup down and giggled back. "That's one of the special things about being a treasure hunter, me dearie," he said, pulling a shiny medallion from a secret pocket after a couple of tries. "You get all sortsa speshul stuff, like this 'ere amulet of potion inumity… impunity…"

"Immunity, Pudding," Swinn said. "I know. But I did a bit of research on this amulet of yours, and learned that it only guards against poisons that kill you. Well, kill you directly, I should say. After all, one could, theoretically, slip somepony a potion that puts them to sleep, leaving them still alive, but rather… shall we say… helpless?

Mareton's vision was blurring, he couldn't hear too well, and his head felt light.

"So, Pudding," Swinn said, leaning close and rubbing Sebastius' chin, "any last words?"

"Uh, last wordssss?" he slurred. "Uh… hey, Marv, know any good last words?"

He fell off his chair and landed right on his head.

It hurt, but not enough to stop him from blacking out.

Or maybe that's why he blacked out.

Mareton didn't much care.

* * *

Mareton was having a nightmare.

That wasn't unusual, of course, with his line of work. What was unusual was the kind of nightmare. There were no visuals; only darkness, a few odd sentences of conversation, and the occasional sharp pain. Mareton wondered if hell was like this- invisible tormentors mocking your plight as they attacked you with sharp implements that you couldn't see.

"This is going to be F-U-N!" one demon said. "Here, hand me that ceremonial battle axe. It wasn't like we were going to fool anypony into thinking it was authentic anyway."

"We could have tried Professor Ed," the other demon said. "He falls for everything."

"He only buys pottery. Aaaaaand whack!"

Mareton's neck suddenly hurt like crazy. He tried to shout or bring his hooves to his neck or _something_, but his body didn't respond anymore.

"Eep!"

"Oops!"

"The innkeeper is going to hate us…"

"That rug can't be _that _expensive, can it?"

"It's so…. so… _red_."

"Huh, there wasn't so much blood when that other guy did it… now for the legs. I should have done this years ago!"

"I can't look!"

Mareton felt more sharp pains in various places along his legs. He'd thought you were supposed to be judged before you went to hell or something. Were there courts of appeal in hell? Not that he expected to get into heaven…

"Oops, let's try that again…"

"Tell me when it's over!"

"Yeesh, it's so hard to get a clean cut… and this axe handle is so slippery…"

"I think I'm going to be sick!"

"You can't be sick, I need your help! Now we have to put everything _back_."

"Eurgh. How does so much blood even fit in his body?"

"Here, help me find where all the legs rolled."

"No way!"

"Well, hold this at least."

"Ew, ew, ew! It's so… wet! Ewwww, what is it?"

"Uh, part of one of his legs, I think. I don't know which one…"

"Ick!"

Splat.

"Hey, you got blood on my new skirt!"

"That's your fault, Swinn! This was all your idea!"

"Okay, okay, I think I've got all the pieces… check under the bed for me, will you?"

"No!"

"Okay then, you try and figure out which pieces go on which stub while _I_ check under the bed."

"Fine, you win. There's nothing there."

"Good. Help me with this."

"Eurgh, fine. I hate this I hate this I hate this…"

"Hey, one of these legs is longer than the other.

"I think this piece goes there. Ugh."

"It looked so easy when the surgeon was putting everything back together…"

"That's because he left them in the same place."

"Guess we should have done that… okay, hand me the medicine."

Squishing noises.

"I think… do his legs look right to you?"

"I can't tell in this lighting."

"Well, then, turn the lights up, will you?"

"No! Then I have to see all the blood."

"Okay, we'll just declare it close enough. Now give me his head."

"Okay AUGH!"

"What?"

"His- his eye! It's gone!"

"What? What do you mean 'gone'? Did it roll somewhere?"

"I-I don't know! Just look!"

"Augh! He looks like a Cyclops or something! What did you _do_, Dell?"

"I-I don't know! I didn't do anything!"

"Um, um, um… hey, eyepatches look cool, so Mareton should thank us!"

"He doesn't need an eyepatch, Swinn. His eye just… vanished."

"Um… oh, well. We can't do anything about it. Just hold his neck up so I can stick this on."

"Ewwwwww…"

"Hey, you let go!"

"Sorry, I thought you were done!"

"No, hold it steady!"

"I think you need to turn it a bit…"

"Just dump all the rest of the medicine on! It isn't healing!"

"Oops!"

There was a pause.

"Hey, look, it stayed on."

"Yeah, but he isn't awake… are you sure he's alive? Even after all that?"

"Only one way to find out."

There was a loud clang right in Mareton's ear, followed by Swinn shouted "MARETON! WAKE UP!"

Mareton's eyes sprang open.

No… one eye. The other wouldn't open. Why wasn't it opening?

Swinn and Dell were leaning over him. Swinn was holding a pair of pots in her hooves.

"H-how are you feeling?" Dell asked. "Does anything hurt?"

His head was splitting, his legs felt like they'd been bitten by a lion, and his neck still ached, but like hay Mareton was going to tell these two ponies that.

"No…" he said, trying to get to his hooves. This was made more complicated by the fact that none of his legs wanted to go the same direction, and the floor was slick with some sort of liquid. It smelled herbal.

"Are you light headed, or…" Dell whispered to Swinn. "Hey, Swinn, how do ponies who suffer blood loss usually feel?"

"Dead," Swinn whispered back.

"You realize I can hear you, right?" Mareton said. He gripped a night table and heaved himself to his hooves, then promptly fell over again as soon as he let go.

"But what… why are you w-walking like that?" Swinn asked.

"Iiiiii think we did something wrong, Swinn…" Dell whispered.

Sebastius Mareton tried the nightstand again, and this time he made sure all his legs were under his body properly before letting go. He remained upright.

"Now what…" Something else was wrong. When Mareton let his neck relax and looked down, he could only see one of his front hooves. When he turned way to the left, he could see both front hooves. When he turned way to the right, he could see his… tail.

"Augh!" the SwinnDell sisters screamed when he turned to look at his tail.

"H-how did you do that?" Swinn whispered. "I got a clean cut on that one…"

"Oh, Swinn!" Dell shouted. "We put his head back on sideways!"

"S-sideways? _Sideways?_" Sebastius turned back to the night table and looked at the mirror on it. Sure enough, when his neck was relaxed and _felt_ like it was facing forwards, it was really facing to the side. No wonder he'd had so much trouble getting himself to his hooves.

Then the other part of the sentence reached his groggy brain.

"Put my head _back_ on? What was it doing _off_?"

"Err…" the unicorn twins said in unison.

"Wait what?" Sebastius did a double take. One eye was normal. Perfectly regular.

The other eye wasn't there.

It just wasn't. There was a blank space on his face where his eye used to be.

Mareton tried to whirl around and confront the sisters, and promptly fell flat on his face. And on his side. At the same time. Because his head was messed up.

"You stupid girls!" he shouted, dragging himself forward and trying to grab them by the neck, only for one leg to twist the wrong direction and for the other to refuse to bend at all, resulting in him falling down again.

This could not be happening. How was this possible? He was usually so careful…

And now he'd gone and got his head cut off.

"Now what?" Dell whispered.

Sebastius heaved himself to his hooves again. "Now you _undo_ whatever it is you _did_. Now."

There was a pause as the two sisters blinked at him, during which Mareton did his utmost to remain upright.

Then Swinn smirked. "Says who? You're hardly in a position to be threatening us."

Dell grinned too. "We did pick you because you're expendable. Maybe Daring will give us a medal next time she sees us."

"You are going to…" Sebastius tried to think of a threat that sounded credible in his position. "…suffer a world of pain," he finished lamely. He usually prided himself on very detailed threats and graphic descriptions of torture made up on the spur of the moment. It was a labor of love.

"Oh, I think not," Swinn said. "Goodbye."

She telekinetically opened the window and telekinetically tossed Mareton out.

"Have fun!" she called after him as he fell.

Mareton struck the soft mud in the streets. At least the ground was wet. And at least the SwinnDell sisters' room was only on the second floor.

Ow…

Mareton lay in the mud a while, letting the rain fall on him, too busy feeling sorry for himself to move. He was wet, he was dirty, he had just been hacked to pieces and reassembled into some freak of nature…

But one thing that really hurt was that the girls had tossed him out the window using magic, while he, being an earth pony, had been unable to do anything to stop them.

Those girls would pay. With their lives.

No, with their pain. He would make them suffer.

And then he'd make them put him back to normal. That was very important.

Except that Sebastius had a natural aversion to any plan that involved getting his head cut off. What would stop Swinn from hacking his neck in two, and then deciding she had more important things to do than reattach it?

Hmm…

Mareton ruffled through his secret pockets, which took a lot longer than usual because his hooves kept bending in odd directions. Finally he managed to fish out one of the trinkets he'd picked up over the course of his adventuring life. It looked like a normal dagger, except for the bright blue sheen of the metal. In reality, it was one of the famed ice daggers, made harder and sharper than anything else in existence.

Well, sort of. Mareton _had_ managed to cut a diamond with it, once, but it had taken a lot of force and even then it had only scratched the diamond, not really _cut_ it. But maybe that was because the blade was dull. Nopony ever said these artifacts kept in pristine condition forever. But for Mareton's purposes, it was sharp enough.

Now he just had to figure out how to walk without falling over…


	3. Chapter 2: Musical Interlude

Swinn stretched and yawned. Sun was streaming in the window, and she could tell it was going to be much hotter today than it was last night.

Last night. She thought with great glee of the wonderful fortune right in their hooves.

_Hey, Dell!_ she thought, accessing their psychic link. _Wake up!_

Nothing happened. There was no response.

_Dell!_ Swinn psychically screamed. _Wake up!_

After a bit, Swinn rolled over and whacked Dell on the shoulder. "Hey, Dell AUGH!"

Dell was up in a flash. "What? What? AUGH!"

The two sisters reached out and touched each other's foreheads, talking in perfect unison. "Your horn! My horn! AUGH! What happened? Heeeeeelp!"

They ran in circles screaming for a moment.

Dell collapsed on the floor, sobbing quietly. Swinn studied herself in the mirror. She could see a shiny circle on her forehead that was slightly lighter colored than her fur in the place where her horn used to be, but that seemed to be all that was left of her beautiful, beautiful horn.

"We have to think about this logically," she whispered. "How could this have happened? Who would have wanted to…"

The answer came to her almost instantly.

"Dell!" she shouted. "Get up. I know who we need to look for."

* * *

"Hey, you!" Swinn shouted. "You know an earth pony named Sebastius Mareton?"

The innkeeper looked up from her sweeping. She said something in Marabian and went back into the inn.

"Not another one!" Dell wailed. "Why why why why WHY is Mareton making this so hard for us? Doesn't he _understand_?"

"Shh." Swinn pulled her sister into a hug and rubbed the top of her head. "It's okay. Don't worry. Mareton has too much at stake here for him to just take off…"

The innkeeper reappeared, gesturing frantically. "Come, come. Mareton."

The Swinndell sisters followed her up a set of narrow stairs to room number 216. "Mareton," the innkeeper repeated, pointing at it.

Swinn and Dell banged on the door vigorously with all their front hooves. The innkeeper fled.

When the sisters finally got tired and took a break from knocking so hard, a cold voice from inside said "Come in."

"It was unlocked?" Dell said, collapsing on the floor.

"He's probably laughing at us right now," Swinn growled, pulling the door open.

The room was sparse, and the bed had not been slept in. Sebastius Mareton sat in a wooden chair with a blanket draped over most of his body, reading a book. He glanced at the sisters briefly and grinned wickedly. Of course he was grinning. He had the upper hoof now.

"Well, if it isn't Swinn and Dell," Mareton said. "Long time, no see. To what do I owe the pleasure of this-"

Swinn knocked the chair over as she tackled Mareton and started searching all his clothes. Dell ransacked what there was of the room to ransack, taking the bed apart and checking behind the night table. Then both girls tore through the clothes in the closet.

"Hey!" Mareton said. "I don't appreciate you coming in and ruining my HEY! That jacket is expensive!"

"Oh, shame," Swinn snarled, ripping it in half.

"You could just _ask_ me first," Mareton growled.

"What? And do what you expect?" Swinn grabbed Mareton's chin and yanked it towards herself, which was followed by a small 'splorch' sound.

"OWowowow," Mareton shrieked.

A thin red line appeared on Sebastius' neck around where the cut had been made last night. A bit of blood oozed out.

Swinn gasped and let go. Sebastius Mareton rubbed his hoof on the cut. Then he looked up with fury in his eyes.

"Whatever you girls did to me," he said in a barely restrained shout, "undo it. Now. Or you will spend the rest of your lives as mundane, magicless horses."

Swinn and Dell locked eyes. Both of them started having a mental conference with each other before remembering that they couldn't anymore. So Swinn pulled Dell into the closet and shut the door.

"What are we going to do?" Dell whispered, trying not to cry.

"There's only one thing _to _do, Dell," Swinn sighed. "Our hooves are tied. We'll just have to do as he asked."

"But how?" Dell cried. "Don't tell me you'd do any better the second time! What if we turn him into something even _more_ inequine? Or worse- what if we kill him for real this time?"

After a moment, Swinn shook her head.

"You're right. I don't think I can fix it. We'll just have to go back to the surgeon and beg him on our knees for another favor." She sighed heavily.

They opened the closet door. Mareton was in front of the mirror.

"Well?" he asked, turning to face them. He'd tied a white bandana around his neck, probably to hide the cut, but blood had soaked through and stained it red.

"Eww, take that off!" Dell said. "You look like a carnivore who just finished eating!"

Mareton looked at the mirror again, then with a sigh turned his body so that his neck could be in a more comfortable position. "Eww, you're right." He ripped it off in disgust.

"We've talked it over," Swinn said. "We won't fix you ourselves. We're taking you to a friend of ours who will do a much better job."

Mareton tried to whirl around on them, and fell over. "How do I know this isn't a trick?" he said from the floor, acting like nothing had happened.

"What?" Swinn said. "You think we'll try anything when you're holding our horns hostage?"

Mareton slowly got up.

"Okay," he growled. "Help me get ready to go, then."

"What do you mean?" Dell said.

"You don't seriously think I'm going to go out looking like this, do you?" Mareton shifted around awkwardly on his legs. "I don't want to look like an easy target for thieves."

* * *

"Does this street look familiar to you?" Swinn asked.

"No, I was nearly unconscious during the whole thing," Dell said. She turned to Mareton, concern on her face. "Are you sure that isn't hot?"

"I'm _fine_," Mareton insisted.

In an effort to look like a normal pony, Mareton had put on a long cloak that swept the ground, so his awkward way of walking was mostly undetectable… although anypony who bothered to observe Mareton's motions would have noticed the odd way he balanced and the strange way the fabric rippled. The cloak came with a hood, which covered his neck to hide the cut and the way his neck was twisted. Then he had draped the hood over his face to hide the missing eye.

Cloaks were hot enough as it was, but Mareton's cloak was black to hide any bloodstains. Dell didn't see how Sebastius Mareton kept from suffocating.

"Hey!" Swinn shouted. "Anypony speak Equestrian?"

"_I_ speak Marabian!" Sebastius snarled.

"I don't trust you as a translator after that incident in Ortogona," Swinn hissed back.

"_Feckelia_ really _can_ mean either 'kiss' or 'money'!"

"Yeah, right."

A little colt tugged on Dell's sleeve. "Hey, hey, hey. I speak Equestrian. I speak real good."

Sebastius rolled his eyes.

"We're looking for this… this… doctor," Swinn whispered. "Uh. He's an abada, and…"

"He got medicine, work real good?" the colt whispered back.

"Um…"

The colt yanked Sebastius' hood off.

"Hey!" Mareton shouted.

"Ah, ha-ha, I see," the colt said, rubbing Mareton's face where the missing eye used to be. "I know what you need."

"I know what _you_ need," Mareton said, swinging his hoof at the colt only to punch the air above his head.

"Heh heh, you not punch real well. You need doctor. I show you doctor, you pay me. Pay much."

"How much?" Mareton said.

"How much you got?"

"I want to hear your price first," Mareton insisted.

The colt shrugged. "Eh… make it… you got 500 jangles?"

"That's nearly 32 bits!" Swinn cried.

"No deal," Dell said. "200 jangles."

"300."

"Done!" Mareton shouted.

"Half first," the colt said.

There was a pause.

"What are you waiting for?" Swinn whispered to Mareton.

"What? You can't expect _me _to pay to fix a problem _you_ created."

"You're richer than us."

"Who cares? Pay the colt. Now."

Swinn sighed heavily. "You have got to be kidding me. This is asking too much."

"This is your fault and now you pay the price."

"_Fine_." Swinn pulled out a coin purse and counted out bits. "But this had better be good."

"Oh, I take you right where. You see."

* * *

"_This_ is the doctor's office?" Mareton surveyed the boarded up building with a look of skepticism.

"It not look like much," the colt admitted, "but he best doctor world over. You believe?"

"We believe," Dell said. She knocked on the door. "Hey, surgeon! It's Swinn and Dell. We have a question!"

They didn't hear anything.

Sebastius twisted his head around to look in the window. "I don't see anything. It looks like an abandoned shop."

"Huh?" Swinn pressed her face against the boards on the window, peering between the cracks. "But… but there were a whole bunch of knives up there a while ago…"

"Knives?" Sebastius said.

"Oh, yeah," the colt said, shrugging. "Yeah, that doctor, he move sometimes."

"He moves?" Dell demanded.

"Oh, how shocking, he moves," Sebastius snarked. "Did you think he'd run into a cockatrice?"

"He move sometimes," the colt repeated. "But I know where he go."

"Where?"

"Pay me for this trip first."

"Waaaait," Swinn said. She knew a con when she heard one. "How do we know that you'll actually lead us to the doctor this time, and not just to some abandoned building, where you'll say 'oops, looks like he moved again'."

The colt blinked at her. "I speak _slow_ Equestrian," he said.

Sebastius said something in Marabian.

"Ah," the colt said. "I no con. I good heart. I orphan. Orphans no lie."

"Your gang told you that mentioning dead parents is a good way to sucker folks out of money, didn't they?" Swinn said.

"No, truly. I no lie. Honest." The orphan paused. "I learn Equestrian from orphanage, and they ask us write song in Equestrian. You want hear song?"

"No, we don't!" Mareton shouted.

"Aw," Dell said. "Let's hear it."

Swinn shrugged. "Whatever." She tried not to look interested.

The colt closed his eyes and began to sing, with suspiciously better Equestrian than he usually spoke in:

"I'm alone in world so wide

Feel so lonely deep inside

I see black shadows, want to hide-"

"Oh, for crying out loud, _shut up_!" Mareton shouted. "Nopony wants to hear your sob story!"

"I liked it," Dell said.

"Yeah, just shut up Mareton," Swinn said. "Just because you have no heart doesn't mean that others can't be moved."

Sebastius cocked an eyebrow. "Hmm. Interesting. Do you mean to tell me that all I have to do to get ponies to trust me is to sing a poorly written song about how horrible my childhood was?"

"Well…" Dell said.

But it was too late. Mareton launched into song.

_ "Hey, welcome newbie, to our humble sanitarium._

_ "Shame about your dad, but hey, we all know that you killed him._

_ "You are a Problem Child and that's probably all you'll be,_

_ "But we'll do our best to make you a weak and wimpy Normie."_

"That's not really-" Dell started to say.

_ "Step one, violence will be punished with more violence,_

_ "Two, counselors asking probing questions,_

_ "Three, just forget about your freedom,_

_ "Four, hope you like electric therapy!"_

"Oh, come on!" Swinn said. "They didn't have electric therapy when you were a kid!"

"Hey, who are you going to believe?" Sebastius asked. "Some publication on sanitarium safety written by a bunch of psychologists who didn't want to lose their jobs, or me?"

"The former," the SwinnDell sisters said in unison.

Sebastius rolled his eyes. "Anyway, the next verse goes:

_ "Hope you don't care that we read your mind 24/7 in this place._

_ "Who knows what's in these needles? We just want to cause you pain._

_ "The goal of the exercise is to make you too terrified to move,_

_ "And then you won't kill another innocent pony again."_

"He's not going to sing the chorus again, is he?" Dell asked.

"Oh no," Swinn said. She shoveled a hooful of coins into the colt's satchel. "Quick, lead us out of here!"

"You got it, missy!" The colt ran off down the street, and Swinn and Dell charged after him. Mareton's singing echoed in the narrow alley as they ran away.

_ "Step one, violence will be punished with more violence,_

_ "Two, counselors asking probing questions,"_

_ "Three, just forget about your freedom,_

_ "Four, hope you like electric therapy!"_

* * *

_Author's Note: Sebastius Mareton's 'Asylum Song' was lovingly based off of (heartlessly stolen from) Sherclop Pones' Orphanage Song, and the tune is the same. Go search the song on YouTube if you haven't heard it before; you're sure to find it. And then check out other videos from Sherclop Pones._

_Though frankly, it tests my suspension of disbelief if you've heard of _me,_ but not _Sherclop Pones.


	4. Chapter 3: Knock Your Block Off

Mareton watched the girls run away and shrugged. He'd catch up at his leisure. The SwinnDell sister's wouldn't be going anywhere while he had their horns. That was how unicorns worked. Take their horn away, and they couldn't think straight. This held especially true for psychically linked unicorn twins. Wimps.

He licked his lips. His cloak was very hot. Ridiculously hot. He felt like he was suffocating. But he could endure it until he was repaired.

He shuffled awkwardly down the alley. This motion would take some getting used to.

"Mareton? Really? Again?"

Sebastius Mareton whirled around, the raised his eyebrows when he saw the gray earth pony behind him. "Bravado? Seriously?"

The two earth pony explorers circled each other warily.

"What, this city not big enough for you?" Mareton hissed.

"What's with the cloak?" Bravado demanded. "Trying to roast yourself alive, or has your wonderfully superior brain suddenly collapsed on itself?"

They glared at each other for a while.

"I don't have time for this," Sebastius said, tossing his mane. He left the alley and entered a semi-busy street. There were no marketplaces, just zebras and ponies trotting around, on their way somewhere, going about their business. Swinn, Dell, and the orphan colt were standing right in the middle of the street.

"You know full well what I meant, you so-called honest orphan!" Swinn was screaming. "If all I wanted to do was run away, I could have done that _without _a navigator!"

"You pay money. You say 'get us away'. I get you away. You want doctor's house, you pay again."

"How about this. You take us to the doctor's house, and I won't wring your head off your neck!" Swinn seized the orphan's neck in her hooves.

"Swinn!" Dell said. "The guards will kill you!"

Swinn only just seemed to notice the guards loitering in front of a coffee shop. She let the colt go.

"Strong grip, missy," the colt said, rubbing his neck.

"Ahem," Sebastius said. "That wasn't that funny, abandoning me to the most annoying stallion in existence."

"I can do _far_ more than just 'annoy' you, Mareton," Bravado said, coming up behind them. "In fact-" he stopped as he caught sight of Swinn and Dell. "What happened to your… Mareton, you didn't…"

"It was only a matter of time," Sebastius said. "I've been wanting to deprive a unicorn of their natural specialness ever since I got that ice dagger. Everyunicorn knows that's the desire of earth ponies."

"You…" Bravado growled.

"What are you going to do?" Sebastius said, raising his eyebrows. "Just sock me on the forehead again? Because I-" He rose his hoof to his neck as he was talking, and then winced suddenly as he felt the cut.

Suddenly he remembered why it would not be a good idea to have his head attacked. He looked up and saw Bravado raise one hoof to punch.

"W-wait, I'm-"

That was as far as he got.


	5. Chapter 4: The Guards Must Be Crazy

Mareton's head fell straight off.

It plopped to the ground by Dell's hooves. Dell reared back and screamed.

Bravado stared at the head in shock. He couldn't believe his eyes. There was no way he could have done that. What had just-

He realized everypony and everyzebra in the street was staring at him. Including three winged zebra guards.

Bravado uttered a curse under his breath and took off through the crowd.

Of course the winged zebras had the advantage, since they could fly over the crowd while Bravado had to plow through it. But most of the zebras and ponies rushed to get out of Bravado's way.

The explorer dashed down a short, narrow alley and emerged into another bright street, this one a bit less crowded. The alley was too narrow for the guards to fly through, so they had to stop and land to continue the chase.

Bravado thought he'd lost them, but to be sure he decided to find another hiding place. He ducked into an antique shop and banged into a griffon.

"Hey!" Storm Talon growled. "Watch where… oh. It's you again."

"Bravado?" Daring Do said, setting down the green vase she'd been looking at. "How many more times-"

"Hide me," Bravado said. "The guards are chasing me."

The two young pegasi sisters slid a rack of oriental rugs aside a bit. Bravado dashed behind it just as the guards came in.

"Have you seen a gray earth pony with a red mane?" one of them asked in Marabian.

"What?" Daring Do said in Equestrian. "Speak slower!" Then she turned and whispered excitedly to Storm Talon, "Honey, do you think we could get a picture of the kids with these guards?"

The guard stared at her in annoyance, then ran out the backdoor, muttering about tourists.

"Don't call me honey and don't try to fool anypony into thinking I'm your husband," Storm Talon hissed at Daring as soon as the guards were gone. "Seriously, I'm older than your father…"

"_Gracias_," Bravado said to the two girls. He slowly pushed the rack to one side so he could climb out, wondering why the girls were staring at him oddly.

Then he looked at his front hooves and realized they were sticky with blood and dirt.

"Ah…" he said. "I suppose I ought to explain why the guards were chasing me…?"

"Yeeeeeeeeah, I think you owe us that much. At least." Daring said.

Bravado sighed. There was no way these guys would ever believe him. He didn't believe it himself.

"Well, short version, they think I killed Sebastius Mareton," he said.

"Well, did you?" Storm Talon said.

Bravado shook his head and stared at his bloody hooves. Apparently something had actually happened. "I have no idea. I really don't," he said softly.

"Why?" Daring said. "How can you not be sure?"

"Well it sure looked like he died, but heads are not supposed to just fall off when you punch them. It was like his head had already been cut off and I just knocked it loose."

Daring blinked. "Uh, maybe it had."

"But he was talking to me just a second before my hoof connected… I just… I'd think I've been in the sun too long or had too much to drink or something… but this blood got here _somehow_, and those guards were chasing me for _some_ reason…" Bravado looked at his hooves and had a sudden horrible thought. What if he'd killed somepony else- while he was blacked out or something- and he'd just hallucinated killing Mareton to take the place of that traumatic memory?

No, that was silly. That kind of stuff didn't happen.

Neither did talking sadistic bears, ponies turning into clockwork automations, Smooze, cutie pox…

Scratch that. Any kind of stuff could happen.

"The guards will be back any minute," the oldest pegasus sister, Sandstorm, whispered.

"Okay," Bravado said, wiping his hooves on a red oriental rug. "I guess I'll just try and blend in with the vendors or something… Gracias again, mis amigos."

He stepped out the antique shop and banged into an abada who was searching through a barrel of knives.

"Watch where you're going!" the abada snapped.

"Oh, hello again," Bravado said.

"Bravado?" Daring said, following him outside. "Do you know this abada?"

"He's the guy who bought a bunch of knives from me before," Bravado said.

"Absolutely correct," the abada said in perfect Equestrian. "If you happen to have any…"

He trailed off as Storm Talon came out of the shop. Then the abada raised one hoof, which was encased in a black leather 'glove', and pointed in the griffin's direction. "I'll give you fifty jangles for that, if you're willing to sell," he told Bravado.

"It's not mine to sell anymore," Bravado said, looking at Daring.

Storm Talon unhooked a dagger from his belt. "What, this knife? This is worth a lot more than fifty of your (censored) worthless (censored) you call money."

"I meant the griffin," the abada told Daring. "Maybe sixty jangles. I've come into some money recently."

Daring was taken aback. "Storm Talon isn't for sale."

"Are you sure?" the abada said, apparently not noticing the fury gathering on Storm Talon's face. "I would think you'd find him a bother to take care of. And really, I'm giving you an amazing deal here, seeing as he's defective merchandise. I mean, missing a leg _and_ a wing _and _a tail? You should be happy you're getting paid for him at all; if I wanted to I could just pick him up and-"

"-get mutilated for you troubles, you (censored)!" Storm Talon shouted, whacking the abada on the head with his prosthetic wing.

Storm Talon was not normally very testy about ponies commenting on the various limbs he'd lost over the years, which had been replaced by prosthetics. But the circumstances were hardly normal.

The abada seemed too outraged to speak for a moment. "I cannot _believe_ you just did that!" the abada said, glaring at Storm Talon. "Do you have any idea who I am? I am Doctor-"

"Doctor Zerato!" a young looking guard said in Marabian, flying out of the antique shop. "All right, put 'em up!"

"Oh, you must be new," Doctor Zerato said in Marabian, not appearing concerned.

"Red Shield!" an older guard said, starting to follow him.

"No, stop where you are," Doctor Zerato said. "Now that I think about it, a winged zebra will work just as well. And you shouldn't harass valuable citizens."

The older guard backed off. "I-I'm sorry…" His voice was oddly quiet.

"What?" Red Shield said, looking nervously from the doctor to the other guard.

"Nothing," Doctor Zerato said, resting his black-gloved hoof on the front of Red Shield's throat. "Hold still. This won't hurt too much."

"What-"

Sharp talons sprung from the black leather glove. They dug into the soft flesh of Red Shield's neck. Then Doctor Zerato ripped the zebra's throat out.

Red Shield collapsed onto the ground, blood flowing into the dirt.

Bravado's eyes bugged out. That escalated quickly.

"What did-" Daring started as she shielded the eyes of the younger pegasi with her wings.

"Nopony move!" Doctor Zerato shouted, pulling his white lab coat off and flinging it over the zebra guard.

Daring and Bravado gasped again. Doctor Zerato had been hiding a pair of wings under his lab coat, wings that didn't seem to belong on his body- like they'd been grafted on. They were huge wings, strong and muscular, with brown feathers.

Griffin wings.

"Nopony try and follow me," Doctor Zerato said, wrapping the zebra guard up and beginning to flap his wings. "He's _mine_, you hear me? All mine!"

He flew up into the air and off across the city.

Neither of the remaining winged zebra guards made any attempt to follow the doctor. They turned to each other and shook their heads sadly.

"What will we tell Red Shield's parents?" one of them asked.

"Hey!" Daring said. "Tell them what? What was that guy's deal?"

The guards turned back to Daring. One arched his eyebrow. "Huh, I thought you only spoke Equestrian."

Daring and Storm Talon glanced at each other. "W-well…" Daring said.

Bravado sighed inwardly. He could only think of one way to get Daring out of this.

"All right!" he shouted in Marabian, lunging forward and grabbing the littlest pegasus. "That's it. So much for your acting skills, you silly pegasus!" Bravado pulled out a knife and pressed it to the young pegasus' throat. "If you won't hide me, then you'll never see this girl again!"

The older sister screamed. Daring gaped at Bravado.

"Play along," he said in Equestrian.

"N-no!" Daring shouted in Marabian. "Don't take her! Please!"

"You stay away from me," Bravado told the guards in Marabian, waving a knife at them, "or this cute little girl gets her throat slit."

The guards backed off, sat down on their haunches and held up their hooves. "We give."

"What?" Storm Talon said in Marabian, wheeling around on the guards. "That's it? That's all? You are just going to let him get away with it? You'll let him just kidnap a little filly like that? What kinds of guards-"

Bravado dashed away, half-dragging the filly behind him. "I'm going to let go; pretend you're escaping, okay?" he whispered to the kid in Equestrian. The he let go of her hoof.

Gentle Flower dashed back to her sister. Bravado ran through a crowd, hoping to lose himself from the sight of the guards.


	6. Chapter 5: Absalom's Downfall

Mareton groaned as consciousness returned. If anything, his neck hurt even more than before.

"Try to be more careful," Swinn yelled at him. "We don't have an unlimited supply of this stuff."

"Oh, too bad," Sebastius said. "I was really hoping I could get my head cut off one more time. I'm beginning to grow fond of it." He shakily got to his hooves. At least his head was facing forward this time. But it felt like he had a steel collar cutting into his neck.

The SwinnDell sisters had apparently dragged him into the courtyard of a public building. He was next to an empty fountain.

"So…" the little colt said. "I take you to the doctor now?"

"Actually-" Dell said.

"Sure," Swinn said. "We don't have much of a choice in the matter. We need our horns, and Sebastius needs his head."

"I have my head, thank you very much, girls," Sebastius Mareton said. "Even so."

"You know rules," the colt said. "You pay first."

Swinn and Dell sighed in unision.

"Please," Dell said. "We're desperate. Can't we just give you an IOU?"

"Sorry, missies," the colt said. "I don't take those."

"What?" Mareton said. "Don't tell me you girls are broke already!"

"Sorry?" Dell said.

"Not a bit on me," Swinn said. "And I left the cart and all our valuable artifacts back at the hotel. And I don't know the way back there, so even if I wanted to fetch them I couldn't… without paying."

Sebastius glared at the little colt. "How about we make another deal. You take us back to their hotel, and I agree not to strangle you with your own tail."

The colt just giggled. "You no make good threat. I run. You can't."

"Come on, Pudding," Swinn said. "Just pay the colt. You know you want to find the doctor as badly as we do."

"We'll pay you back later," Dell added.

Sebastius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right." But he couldn't see much of a choice, and anyways, in his profession, money was cheap.

"Here," he said, pawing awkwardly through his clothing. "12 bits, the rest of them will come when we get to the place the Doctor lives. Clear?"

"Crystal, Mister Mareton," the colt said.

* * *

"He rents an apartment here," the colt said. "Room in back."

Mareton examined the establishment. It was a pretty typical Marabian boarding house on the shadier side of town. He rapped on the door.

After a while, the top half of the door opened. A zebra who was grinning far too much for Mareton's liking leaned out. "Welcome, fine ponies," he said in Marabian. "What can I do for you?"

"These ponies want meet Doctor Zerato," the colt said. "And they only speak Equestrian."

Not entirely true, Mareton thought. _He_ spoke Marabian. But Swinn and Dell never bothered with any language other than Equestrian.

The wide grin vanished. "Doctor Zerato's not here," he said, switching to Equestrian.

Swinn grabbed the zebra by the throat and smashed his head into the doorframe.

"Swinn!" Dell said.

"Do _not_ give us that!" Swinn yelled at the zebra. "Find him, or tell us where he will definitely be. Or I'm not responsible for what I may do!"

"Unicorns," Sebastius said, rolling his eyes.

"H-he left," the zebra stammered, his eyes wide in panic, "this morning. I don't know where he went. Honest. Leave me alone and don't fetch the guards!"

Sebastius Mareton blinked. "Wait… what would the guards want with you?" He leaned conspiratorially against the door. "What are you hiding?"

"Doctor Zerato," the colt said, blinking rapidly.

"Huh?"

"He mentioned that he was in trouble with the authorities," Swinn said, loosening her grip on the zebra's neck for a second. "Okay. So are you _sure_ you have _no clue at all_ where the doctor went?"

"None," the landlord spluttered, breaking free of Swinn's grip and ducking behind the door.

"Is that what you want to tell the guards?" Mareton said. "I hear they like to make examples out of so-called 'collaborators' when they can't catch the real criminal."

"Is there any place he mentioned to you? Like, in conversation?" Dell asked.

"Last time I was in Marabia," Mareton said conversationally, "I got to watch them feed a zebra to a lion because he'd sheltered a murderer unintentionally."

"Really?" Swinn said.

"Well, I was _going_ to, but then some pony in a black mask showed up and ruined the whole show. But somehow I don't think your doctor is the type to rush in and rescue old landlords."

"Just leave me alone!" the zebra wailed.

"Better think of something quick," the colt said. "These ponies mean what they say."

"Um… um…"

"Maybe he's staying with relatives?" Dell asked.

"That's it!" the zebra landlord said, reappearing in the doorway. He looked very relieved. "Yes, his sister. He talks about her all the time. I think she lives in… she lives in… the Dalquen district. Yes. Yes, I'm quite certain." He grinned at them in a way that said _Now please leave me alone_.

"Good," Mareton said. "I don't need an extortionist colt to show me the Dalquen district. I visit that place every time I'm in Marabia."

"Isn't that the prison theater?" Dell asked.

Sebastius grinned widely. "Yes. Best place for entertainment _ever_."

The zebra gave them a look that said he thought they were creeps.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Swinn asked. "Let's get on the road!"

"You _really_ don't go to Marabia much, do you, girls?" Sebastius said. "Look at the sun. Nearly set. And you know what happens tonight."

"What?" asked Dell.

"The other thunderstorm. Marabian thunderstorms are always done in sets of three. They power up the magical lightning shrines for the Marabian's festival of Alab, the lighting god." Mareton waved his hoof at the lightning rods on all the roofs. "And I don't want to go wandering in the night during a thunderstorm of any sort, thank you very much. Much less when the pegasi are actually aiming their lightning at the ground."

"Okay," Swinn said, scowling. "So what? Do we just bunk here?"

"Hey, landlord!" Sebastius said. "I want two rooms for one night. You _do_ rent by the night, don't you?" He grinned evilly.

Apparently he was grinning too much for the landlord's liking, from the way he frantically nodded. "Sure, sure, whatever you say kind ponies. Two rooms. Come in." He opened the bottom half of the door.

* * *

Sebastius Mareton stared at the ceiling.

He didn't expect to get any sleep. He hadn't managed to sleep the night before. His neck hurt to the point where a less pain tolerant pony would be crying, and his legs just plain refused to fold into natural positions. It would be yet another long night, listening to the thunder crash outside and reminding himself that the building he was in had a perfectly usable lightning rod and that even if lightning did strike the building it couldn't possibly strike _him_ and he had plenty of time to get out and escape the perfectly-normal not-extra-scary-just-because-a-lightning-bolt-started-it fire.

At least they'd finally got rid of that money-grubbing orphan colt. Mareton had told him none too gently that his services were no longer required, and the colt had shuffled off, grumbling.

Now all they had to do was find this Doctor Zerato. Mareton couldn't help but dread the visit. He'd never understood most ponies' attitudes towards doctors. In his experience, allowing a stranger to poke you, examine you, ask you probing questions, drug you, and cut you into pieces, was the kind of thing that got you killed or worse. But unlike most injuries, this one was not self-medicatable.

Mareton got out of bed and started pacing back and forth. The awkward leg movements needed to propel himself forward felt more natural now, though a lot of ponies would assume from all the swaying he did that he was drunk. He half hoped that soon he would be able to run again, and half hoped that he would be cured too fast for such an action to become necessary.

He switched gears. He had a new experiment he wanted to try.

Mareton reached into one of many hidden pockets and pulled out what looked like a pair of magnets. Making sure not to separate them, he put them on the crack between the door and the wall, so that opening the door would pull them apart. If that happened, the pony unfortunate enough to be on the other side of the door would learn what a nerve-stab spell felt like, leaving them paralyzed while the door closed again.

Confident in his security, Sebastius then pulled out a fake spyglass. Of course it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that it didn't actually work and therefore was probably fake, but the trick was to get it open. With a bit of pressure in the right places, the twist of a few decorative gemstones, and- most importantly- one hoof holding down the red scorpion button at all times, the glass lens came out easily. Out slid two sparkly stones more precious than gems.

Swinn and Dell's horns.

Of course he'd kept them on his pony. The SwinnDell sisters were stupid to stop looking so early. But it was their loss.

And now he had a pair of unicorn horns all to himself.

He gave into temptation and indulged in a maniacal giggling fit for a few minutes.

"Oh, cruel universe, evil fate, diabolical chance, which has seen fit to deny me the power of my dreams by a mere circumstance of birth- and yet I defy you at every twist and turn! Oh, you precious little unicorns, secure in your natural superiority- keep your eye on me, watch me well, and may your rest be a little more uneasy. I may not have the head start that you have. I may not be born great. You may force me to fight for every drop of magic that I can get my hooves on. But I will fight. And I will win! And then- oh, then- you will know what fear is."

Power trip over. Now to actually use the horns.

Sebastius had tried Ahuizotl's unicorn serum before, and had a small idea of what it felt like to use his magic the way unicorns used their magic- by channeling it thought a power enhancer, like a horn or serum, rather than just expending the ridiculously small amount through his hooves like most earth ponies did. Still, this was a new experience and he wasn't even sure it would work.

Darned if he was going to stick the two horns on his head. That would look stupid.

So he just touched one horn with each front hoof and stared at them. He pretended he wanted plants to grow; that was usually what helped him connect with a source of magic, as he was calling on his own personal power.

Nothing was happening.

Maybe he needed to stop pretending he wanted plants to grow and start finding some actual plants that he would then cause to grow…

A loud crash shook him out of his thoughts.

"Guards, guards!" a mare screamed.

Mareton muttered a few curses under his breath and scooped the horns hastily into a secret pocket. At least Swinn and Dell weren't likely to search him a second time.

After detaching his alarm magnets, he joined the general crowd in the hall.

"They're all over the second floor!" a zebra mare cried in Marabia, stumbling up the stairs. "They've taken the landlord!"

Mareton really _should _have assumed that the landlord was engaged in some sort of illegal activity _besides_ just allowing a lawbreaking doctor to bunk in his building. Not only was his body deteriorating, his judgment was also going.

He rapped on the door to Swinn and Dell's room. "Hey, SwinnDell sisters!" he shouted in Equestrian. "Get up unless you want to risk arrest." Marabian guards had an annoying habit of arresting everyone in the area when they were originally only after _one_ criminal.

"What can we do?" an elderly winged zebra asked.

"Roof," a younger wingless zebra with an eyepatch said. "Follow me."

"What, the roof?" Mareton said. "Are you crazy? It's a (censored) thunderstorm!"

"Would you rather face the guards?" the elderly zebra asked.

Actually, yes, Mareton would. But the rush of zebras to get up the stairs left him no choice but to follow.

The rooftop of the boarding house was flat, like most Marabian roofs. It also had a magical lightning rod, some crates, and a community mechanical clothesline- a clothesline pulley- that was strung over the gap between the boarding house and its next door neighbors' house.

"We take the pulley across," the zebra with the eyepatch said.

"But it's broken," a zebra mare said, pointing. The crank handle that was used to operate the pulley had been broken off.

"Quick!" the old winged zebra said, shoving heavy boxes on top of the trapdoor. "Block this off!"

"Hey, Missies Swinn and Dell!" The little orphaned colt popped up on the roof of the building the clothesline led to. "Missies, this pulley works! Hold on, I pull you across!"

Swinn and Dell grabbed onto the clothesline, and the colt cranked the handled, pulling them across the gap between the buildings and onto the other roof.

"Thanks," Dell said, "but promise you'll help the others, okay?"

"Especially Mareton!" Swinn said.

"Got it, missy. You better get on the ground. You no want to be struck by lightning instead of the rod, huh? Lightning shooters coming this way."

"Thanks again," Dell said, as she and Swinn went down the trapdoor and out of Mareton's range of vision.

"Okay," the one eyed zebra said. "My turn." He hooked one hoof over the clothesline.

The colt cranked the pulley without warning, jerking the zebra off the roof edge before he was ready. Then the colt stopped, leaving the one eyed zebra dangling precariously over the alley, struggling to pull his other hoof up.

"Hey!" he said. "Pull me over! Those girls said-"

"Those girls are my friends," the colt said. "They can come for free. You? Toll booth!"

"I don't have any jangles!" the zebra said.

"Liar." The colt jerked the crank back and forth, shaking the zebra.

"Stop! Stop! Arg…" the zebra fished in one pocket with his free hoof.

"Toss it. Don't let them fall or I just might let _you_ fall," the colt said. He brought the one eyed zebra a little closer.

The zebra chucked a handful of jangles onto the rooftop.

"This all? Your life must not be worth much to you," the colt said. He jerked the crank back and forth until the zebra had to let go with his hoof, but he caught the line with his mouth.

"Wait, wait," he said in a muffled voice due to the rope. He flung jangle after jangle onto the roof.

"Okay. That's enough. Just give me thief's honor that you will not try and take your coins back as soon as I bring you across."

"Thief's honor," the zebra mumbled through a mouthful of rope.

"What?" the colt said, grinning. "I can't understand you."

The zebra hauled himself up painfully slowly and hooked his hoof over the rope again. "Thief's honor, I won't steal from you. Now cut this out and get me over there!"

The colt pulled the pulley the rest of the way.

The one-eyed zebra scrambled up and glared at the colt. "You're lucky I take my honor seriously," he snarled, and went under the trapdoor.

The elderly winged zebra had already dug some jangles out of his own pocket. "Here, are these enough?"

The colt glanced briefly at the pile and said, "You got it, mister. No need to throw them; just pay when you're across."

He may have been a repulsive little extortionist, but Mareton could not help but feel a bit of respect for the little guy. He did certainly have a good grasp on what his 'clients' were capable of. He seemed to know when to press for more money, and when to let it go lest he lose the small amount when trying for a bigger one. More importantly, he could figure out which ponies were likely to try and take their money back, which would try to get out of paying, and which would act honorably.

Which was why Mareton couldn't possibly trust him.

All the other ponies had been towed across safely.

"Well, Mister Mareton?" the colt said. "I promised!"

Mareton looked at the nearby rooftops. Some of the magical lightning rods far away were beginning to glow with electrical energy, but he was sure they wouldn't reach this building anytime soon.

"Yeah, right," he told the colt. "I'm not paying you a cent. I can just leap across."

The colt gave him bug eyes. "Across that gap? It's seven feet!"

"Nothing I'm not used to," Mareton said. "Watch me."

He backed off from the edge a bit, examining the situation.

While he _had _leaped for ridiculous distances before, he'd never bothered measuring them or anything, and it was too dark to make estimation easy. So he wasn't _quite _sure that he could make it, but he had no doubt that if he tried to let himself be pulled across by the colt, the colt would cut the rope and tell Swinn and Dell that the rope had snapped by itself. Because Mareton was greedy, _and_ willing to hurt a child, even if he was unprovoked and all he had to gain was a pile of bits. The colt couldn't possibly risk it.

He'd have to time his jump right so that he didn't bang his head on the lightning rod, but that was the least of his worries. The main concern was if he'd have enough power in his leap. Now was the time to find out if he could run with his injured legs.

He trotted in circles for a bit, getting warmed up. Then he galloped.

He tripped once, not a good sign, but he found it was much easier if he didn't think about it too much.

But actually, the thing preying on his mind most was not that he would fall to his death. Swinn and Dell would probably fix that for him. No, what worried him was that, if he was going to jump that distance, the necessary arc meant that at the height of his jump, he'd be higher than the lightning rod. Meaning that if the lightning strike happened to come near the house during his jump…

He couldn't think about that.

He galloped in a circle a few more times, then ran for the edge of the building.

Wait, wait, jump!

He soared through the air, high and long, hoping he would make it to the other side-

His flight abruptly stopped, he was jerked back, and he hung over the alley, staring straight at the ground. He twisted his head and looked up.

Oh no.

His tail was caught. That's why he'd stopped. He was dangling helplessly over the street, dozens of feet up.

But that wasn't the worst part.

His tail was caught _in the lightning rod._

No, no, no, no! It couldn't end like this! It just couldn't!

Mareton flailed about, accidentally punching himself in the face. The pain felt distant and irrelevant to the current crisis. Mareton couldn't think straight. All forms of reason flew out of his head. He was too terrified.

A loud crack of thunder reminded him that the pegasi were coming closer. He shivered and shut his eyes. About the only good thing about the situation was that the rain would prevent anypony from seeing his tears.

"Hey, Mister Mareton, down here!"

Mareton opened his eyes again. The colt had opened a lower window and was leaning out with a basket.

"Toss me some goodies and I promise to see you safe to the ground!"

Mareton frantically went through his pockets. Bit after bit fell into the basket.

The colt shook the basket and smiled at his prizes. "A little more, Mister Mareton."

Mareton shook his coat. "That's all the money I carry," he said honestly.

"Oh, too bad for you then. Hope you like electric therapy, huh, Mister Mareton?"

As if on cue, lightning lit up the alley and thunder roared in Sebastius' ears simultaneously.

"All right!" Mareton said, emptying his pockets. A few amulets and gemstones fell into the basket, along with the alarm magnets and the fake spyglass. "There. Take them. They're valuable artifacts. Really!"

"You sure that's it?"

Mareton padded his coat a bit more. All he could find was the ice dagger, and he was reluctant to throw that away. The colt had no idea of its true worth.

"That's all, really," he said. "Just let me down!"

"Sorry, did you say please?"

There was another thunderclap.

"Please please please please…" Sebastius whimpered.

The colt stared at him for a moment.

"Boy, you must think me stupid," he said. "I let you down, you get your stuff back. No deal. Goodbye, Mister Mareton."

The colt pulled back into the window and shut it behind him.

Mareton just gaped at the window in horror.

No, no, no…

He could only think of one more thing to do. Taking the ice dagger in once hoof, he flung it up with a twist, severing the end of his beautiful tail. Then he pulled himself into the proper falling position as he plummeted to the ground.

The crash jarred him. It felt like he'd broken everything there was to break. But his one remaining eye was still open, and he could see the ground slightly, so he probably wasn't dead. He blinked and twitched one hoof. Nope, not dead. The previous times he was dead, he'd still felt pain, but hadn't been able to see or move. So this time he'd survived.

Though he couldn't think how his pain could possibly be worse if he was dead.

When he was a colt, anytime he'd wanted Rodolphus' attention and his dad wasn't willing to give it, Rodolphus would make him count in Greek while he waited. It wasn't a very good trick for curing impatience. But during his time in the sanitarium, Sebastius had learned pretty fast that it _did_ help when it came to ignoring pain. Somehow, the act of counting, in a foreign language where you had to think hard about the next number, made it a little easier to endure anything. All you had to do was trick yourself into believing that your agony was far away, distant, irrelevant, and that all that was important in life was to remember what came after epsilon, and if you could only do that, you would make progress.

Mareton shivered. He was cold, wet, bloody, anguished, but that didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered. There was only one thing.

_Alpha, beta, gamma, delta_…

Those numbers that he'd clung to, like a lifeline, during so many dark moments in his life.

_Epsilon, digamma, zeta, eta…_

Swinn and Dell had better find him soon.

But of course they'd come running. He had their… he had their…

A brief recollection flashed across Mareton's mind. He was flinging all sorts of items at the colt, trying to get him to let him down. He'd emptied all his… pockets…

…And given the colt two pointy gemstones…

…those hadn't been gemstones…

Mareton supposed it was the shock that killed him.

It was hard to say how he knew he was dead. He still felt wet and cold. His body ached just as much as it did while he was alive. He could still hear the rain and the thunder. He could still smell his own blood. He could still see, which surprised him a bit, since he hadn't been able to see the other times he'd died. But then, he _had_ closed his eyes (well, the one eye he had left) just before his deaths, and dead ponies didn't open their eyes. The main reason he knew that he was dead was that he could no longer move. Not even his eye. Not even to draw breath. And even though he could still sense everything, it felt more distant. And the longer he stayed dead, the fainter his perceptions became.

_Theta, iota, iota alpha…_

His vision and hearing blurred, and he could hardly feel the raindrops. His pain still felt sharp, though- just as sharp as ever. And now he couldn't try to shift to a more comfortable position, or even grind his teeth or whimper from the pain. All he had was his numbers.

_Iota beta, iota gamma, iota delta…_

As even the thunder began to fade from his hearing, something else nagged on the edge of his brain. It wasn't words, not exactly. It was the faint memory of the softest whisper.

_Come to me, Sebastius._


	7. Chapter 6: Right Place, Right Time

"Stop here," Bravado said.

The carriage rolled to a halt. The gray earth pony stepped out and tipped his hat to the zebra pulling the cart. "Much obliged," he said. "We'll call this even this time, okay?"

"Even?" the zebra said, looking shocked. "How can this begin to repay you? You saved my daughter's life."

Bravado sighed. "Yeah. I figured you'd say that." He waved goodbye and started through the streets of the Dalquen district. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the gratitude and the occasional free ride, but it made him nervous when ponies vowed to serve him for life when he'd really never done anything truly heroic. Daring Do, now- that pegasus would go out of her way to help ponies. But Bravado was always just in the right place and the right time. That's how it had always been for him- right place, right time.

Well, this time it would be different. Azure Lightning had given him the latest Marabian news every time Bravado had been in the area, even when the information was difficult or dangerous to obtain. Now that he'd gone missing, Bravado needed to at least find out what happened so that he could alert the authorities. He owed Azure that much, at least.

A few rumors had pointed him in the direction of the Dalquen district. He wasn't very familiar with the area, and he didn't like the look of the place, but he'd said he would find out what happened to Azure Lightning and he was going to stick to it.

He was in a marketplace, but it had a more sinister feel than other Marabian marketplaces he'd seen before. Watermelons and other huge, easy-to-hollow-out fruits sold for suspiciously high prices. Jewelers and spice merchants always examined every passerby carefully and kept a close watch for guards. Ponies walked about in cloaks with hoods that hid their identity, and spoke to the shopkeepers in whispers. Coins were exchanged on the sly- sometimes jangles, sometimes the more economically stable bits, sometimes gemstones or other objects.

Bravado kept a close watch on everypony.

"Psst."

Bravado turned around. He didn't see anypony.

"Hey, you in the hat," a youngish voice said in Equestrian.

Bravado checked to see if anypony else was wearing a hat.

"I know you. You that pony who done gone and killed Mister Mareton."

Bravado was around in a flash. "Wait, you mean that actually happened?"

The colt blinked up at him innocently. "Of course. You think it a dream?"

"We-well…" Bravado decided not to pursue this topic of conversation any longer. "Wait, how did you- why- are you following me?"

The colt grinned. "Nah. I just head here for some business. I got things to sell. Artifacts. You want look see?"

The grammar made Bravado cringe. Was the colt _trying_ to sound stereotypical? Not even the Marabians who had just learned Equestrian usually had accents that horrible.

"Okay, what you got?" he said.

The colt began unloading his collection. "I have this amulet, this scarab, this gemstone…"

Bravado stared at the objects in shock, his eyes bugged out. "Those were Mareton's."

"Of course. The dead don't need items, do they?"

Bravado began blinking hard, trying to un-bug his eyes.

So it was real. Oh, Celestia, it was real.

Not that Bravado was the least bit sorrowful that he had killed, of all ponies, Sebastius Mareton. He had no sympathy for that sociopath. No, the part that worried him was _how_ he'd killed him.

All he did was punch him. That's all he'd been trying to do. But Mareton's head had come off instead.

He'd secretly tested himself in the odd hours since the murder, but he didn't seem to be any stronger than normal. So… did it only work when he was hurting ponies? …Or when he was angry?

All Bravado knew was that he'd killed Sebastius. He didn't know how. And he didn't know if it would happen again.

And that scared him.

"You want?" the colt said.

Bravado shook himself out of his thoughts. "What do you want in return?"

"30,000 jangles, minimum," the colt said. "These are precious stuff."

'Minimum' in Marabian was code for 'I'm not going to haggle with you because I could easily get a buyer who'll pay more if I wanted to.'

Bravado pushed his red bangs out of his eyes and studied the objects carefully. They were certainly worth that much at least, and he could sell them for twice that amount back in Equestria. He had to focus on business. Get his mind off the…

…pony he'd killed…

…to free up these items…

"You seem reluctant, Mister Mareton," the colt said.

That made Bravado pay attention. "I am _not_ Mareton. I am _Bravado_."

The colt blinked in surprise. "Eh, sorry. You look alike."

"No we don't! We're nothing alike!"

The colt stared at him. "Your eyes. Your build. You both real strong ponies. You both like mane and tail long. You take dye bath, you come out Mister Mareton. I thought you brothers. Sorry."

"B-brothers? _Brothers?_" The thought was incomprehensible. "No way- that's just- that's ridiculous."

"Okay, okay, Mister Bravado. Point taken." The colt sullenly kicked one object. "So you no buy now?"

Bravado forced himself to stop glaring at the colt. Maybe it was truly an innocent mistake. "I'm still interested, yeah. I'm just not equipped to make such a transaction right now." Actually he did in fact have lots of bits on him, more than enough to pay what the colt was asking, but like hay he was going to announce that fact in the middle of such a shady market. "I want to make sure the trip to fetch my money will be worthwhile. Is this truly all?"

"Aha, Mister Mare-Bravado," the colt said, grinning slyly. "I like you. You want big prize. I like. You want see super special secret treasure I got?"

Bravado leaned against a nearby wall. "Sure."

"I not show if you not got bits for it."

There was a good chance that this colt did not actually have a super special secret treasure and just wanted to make Bravado say how much money he had. So Bravado just slipped a hooful of bits out his pocket, the non-secret one where he kept small amounts.

"This is what I carry on me," he said, tossing the bits in the air and catching them. This made them highly visible and easy to steal, communicating that this amount was casual change for him and that he wouldn't think it much of a loss if it was stolen. This suggested higher amounts back home.

"Ooh," the colt said, his eyes widening. "Nice glitter. Now you see what I got." The colt drew two pointy gemstones from his pocket.

"What are those?" Bravado said.

"Two genuine unicorn horns," the colt whispered. "Not wands, but I know a wand crafter if you want them shaped for you."

Bravado stared at the horns in shock. Perhaps the horn and/or wand trade was more socially acceptable (while still illegal) in Marabia, but Bravado felt like he was being offered a recently severed limb to graft onto his own body.

"Oh, piffle," the colt said. "Don't tell me you uptight Equestrian. Mister Mareton seemed fine holding these."

"That's because he's a sociopath," Bravado said evenly.

Then something clicked together in his head. Mareton had been bragging about stealing Swinn and Dell's horns, and these horns were certainly the right color to belong to them. Bravado really felt for those poor girls; he'd heard horror stories about psychically linked unicorn twins who'd needed to be committed to mental hospitals when their link was broken. Perhaps the universe was giving him another chance to do a good deed.

Right place, right time.

"Tell you what," Bravado said. "I'll pay you two solid gold bits for the whole lot. Horns, artifacts and all."

The colt's eyes bugged out. "Show me."

Bravado unsheathed his dagger and kept it pointed at the colt with his mouth while he drew the gold coins from his bag with his hoof.

"Deal, Bravado," the colt said, throwing down the items in between them and backing off. Bravado tossed the gold bits to him, stuffed the items in his saddlebag, and took off.

Now he just had to find Swinn and Dell.


	8. Chapter 7: Critical Blackmail Failure

"Mareton? Can you hear me?"

Sebastius Mareton slowly came to. The pain made him groan. Not only did his neck ache, but so did most of his body. It was like he'd only just been worked over by a violent steel golem- and he _did_ know what that felt like, unfortunately. And it didn't seem like things would get better.

"Are your legs okay?" Dell asked. "Two of them came off and they were all bent up and we weren't sure which-"

"You idiots!" Mareton shouted, stretching his left legs out. "You put them on backwards!"

"How can you tell?" Dell asked.

Sebastius pawed vaguely at Dell with his front leg, then grabbed Swinn's mane with his back leg.

"Oops," Swinn said. "Yeah, you're only supposed to be able to grab things with your front hooves, aren't you...?"

"See, _this_ is why I don't trust doctors," Sebastius said.

"Still, smart thinking, cutting your tail like that," Dell said. "When we saw you never made it downstairs, we were worried you'd got electrocuted and then we wouldn't be able to revive you."

"Dell!" Swinn said.

Mareton blinked. "Wait, what do you mean, you wouldn't have been able to revive me?"

Dell just stumbled backwards and glanced at her sister.

"Oh, go ahead and tell him," Swinn said. "It's a moot point. We're out of potion."

Dell took a deep breath. "The potion doesn't work on burn wounds. Only on cuts."

Mareton stared at them with his one eye. "Thank you _ever_ so much for telling this to me _right up front,_ girls."

"S-sorry?" Dell whimpered.

"Sorry doesn't cover it." But on second thought, Sebastius couldn't afford to quarrel with the SwinnDell sisters. He was in agonizing pain, his limbs had been rearranged so that standing up was a challenge again, he had lost an eye, and all his wounds seemed ready to reopen if he so much as breathed on them funny. If anypony wanted him dead (and a lot of them did) they wouldn't have to scheme about it. They could just punch him hard, and it would be all over. Not to mention that his job as a treasure hunter would be completely impossible. How could he dodge traps and rival archeologists if he had trouble walking properly? He needed to find that doctor. And now that he'd given all his money away, his only hope that the doctor would actually help him was to keep Swinn and Dell in the dark about what happened to their horns.

"Forget it, okay? I just want to get moving." Sebastius carefully arranged all four hooves underneath his body, and pushed upward. He flopped to one side.

Swinn snickered.

"Here, need a hand?" Dell asked, extending one hoof.

Sebastius swiped his hoof past Dell's a number of times.

"Ooh, right, that hoof doesn't hold anymore…" Dell grabbed the other hoof and yanked Sebastius to his hooves, only for him to fall flat on his face.

"Oh my gosh- Sebastius!" Swinn gasped. "Your cutie mark!"

"What?" Sebastius said, lifting his head and twisting around frantically, trying to look at his flank without ripping his head off. "What happened to it?"

"It- it changed!" Dell said.

"To what?" Sebastius said.

"It's hard to say," Swinn said, staring at his flank. "But I think it means your destiny is now a…"

"…circus freak show!" Dell finished.

The girls collapsed in giggles.

"No, really, we should just give up searching for the doctor and tour you across the country!" Swinn said.

"Ponies will pay us tons of bits just to watch you try and walk!" Dell snickered.

Mareton's cutie mark hadn't changed. He hated himself for falling for such a juvenile prank.

"Wow, girls," he said. "I can't believe you managed to come up with that joke in complete unison. It's almost like you're psychic or something. But then, that's silly. _Earth ponies aren't psychic_." He threw as much acid into that last sentence as he knew how to add.

The SwinnDell sisters stopped laughing.

"Good girls," Sebastius said, satisfied that he was once more in control of the situation. "Now if you'll just help me to my hooves, with no more snickering this time, we can find this stupid surgeon and then we both can walk away from this confrontation in one whole healthy piece."

* * *

Learning to walk again was especially hard this time, as now Sebastius had to unlearn two methods of walking instead of just one. The girls had to help him get his cloak back on, and walked one on each side to try and stop him from falling down. But eventually they made it to the coach rental, and Mareton managed to get a coach to take them to the Dalquen district on credit.

Soon as they were inside the coach, hidden from prying eyes and ears, Mareton took his cloak off. It took him several minutes, a lot of squirming, and half the time was spent on the floor. Once Mareton even started choking himself and panicked a bit before he managed to untangle his neck.

"Now, girls," he said, throwing the instrument of torture on the floor and climbing awkwardly back into his seat, "I want you to tell me _everything _about the doctor we're looking for. Everything you know."

Swinn and Dell told him the whole story of their midnight adventure during the trip.

When they arrived at the Dalquen district, it took Mareton ten minutes to put his cloak back on and even then he needed Swinn and Dell's help. He was sure his neck was bleeding, but somehow he didn't feel an urgent need to get that treated. It didn't add very much to his already high level of pain.

Each step was agonizing. Each leg or neck movement strained old wounds. Forget treasure hunting like this; Mareton couldn't _live_ like this.

Soon, he told himself. Soon it'll all be better.

And then, before they'd even left the carriage yard, Mareton saw somepony he didn't expect.

Bravado.

The gray earth pony was speaking to one of the carriage renters. The renter shook his head.

At first, Mareton panicked. Bravado _hated_ him. Now that he knew how easily Mareton could be killed, he wouldn't hesitate to strike him down again. And that would be it. Swinn and Dell had no potions. And now he knew about the one hour deadline…

He snuck off towards a handy alley. He went all the way to the end and looked for a hiding place.

"Who's there?"

Mareton whipped around at the sound of Bravado's voice. The explorer had picked the same alley to enter. Just his luck.

Bravado stared at Sebastius in shock. "M-Mareton?" he said, his voice quavering slightly. His face grew pale, his eyes wide.

_What's up with him?_ Sebastius wondered. _He looks like he's seen a ghost_.

And then he got a brilliant revelation. Bravado had no reason to believe that the SwinnDell sisters had a magical potion that they used to bring Sebastius back to life. As far as Bravado could tell, Sebastius _was_ a ghost.

Ooh, this would be fun.

Sebastius spoke in breathy tones, doing his best to convey otherworldliness. "Bra_va_do," he hissed.

Bravado backed off a few steps.

"Oh, don't be in such a hurry to leave," Sebastius Mareton said. "I wish you wouldn't. I really wish you wouldn't."

Mareton lifted his black hood off his head, lowering it slowly to reveal the bleeding cuts on his neck. Bravado gasped shakily.

"See what you did to me?" Sebastius asked, glaring at Bravado with his remaining eye. "Dying hurts, Bravado. It hurts more than anything you've ever experienced before. Not that I'd expect you to know that." He took a few steps closer. "But I'd be glad to teach you."

Bravado screamed and bolted out of the alley.

He smacked right into Dell and bowled her over. The two of them rolled a short way before coming to a stop at Swinn's hooves. Swinn narrowed her eyes at them.

"Next time you want to sneak off, Sebastius- tell us!" Dell snapped from the ground.

"Oh, come on!" Sebastius said. "How many other opportunities would I get to make Bravado scream like a tiny filly?"

Bravado was up in a flash, assuming a defensive position. He stared at Mareton for a while.

"He's not a ghost," Dell said.

"Correct," Mareton said. "Actually, I've recently become immune to death."

"Liar!" Swinn and Dell shouted.

"Okay, fine," Mareton said. "The truth is-"

"The truth is," Swinn said, "that if it weren't for us, who had the magic potion, you'd have been lying in the street with your head whacked off."

"No, the _truth_ is," Mareton growled, "that if it hadn't been for your stupid magic potion, _I'd never have died in the first place!_"

Bravado just looked back and forth between Sebastius and the SwinnDell sisters. The look on his face was just pleading for an explanation.

"Girls?" he said. "You're not… _with_ him, are you?"

"What?" Swinn said. "With this heinous horn-hostage-holding horse? Not on purpose."

"Well, ah, actually," Bravado said, shuffling in the pockets of his cargo vest, "I was looking for you, because, I have something that might fix this situation."

Oh no, Mareton thought. No way. Things couldn't go south that fast…

Bravado pulled Swinn and Dells horns from his pocket and held them out to the girls.

Swinn shrieked and seized her horn like a starving pony seizing a loaf of bread. Dell gasped and stared at her horn, happy tears flowing from her eyes. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Dell cried, hugging Bravado tightly.

Bravado stroked her mane. "Ah, _es de nada, senorita._ Anypony would have done the same."

"Now we can go home!" Dell said, spinning in a happy circle.

"I miss Equestria," Swinn sighed. "And mostly I miss you, Dell."

The two sisters hugged.

Sebastius frantically tried to come up with a way to salvage the situation.

"How are you going to get your horns back on your heads?" he said. "Don't you need some kind of _doctor _for that? And how will you find the doctor without a guide who speaks Marabian?"

The sisters' hug came apart as the they pondered the question. Mareton allowed himself a smug smile.

"Hey, Bravado," Dell said. "Do you speak Marabian?"

Wait, no…!

"Of course, _hermanas_," Bravado said.

"Then you could take us to find the doctor we need!" Swinn said. "Pretty please?"

Bravado blinked a bit. "Eh, sorry, girls, but I have my own business to take care of."

"Aw," Dell said, giving him puppy eyes.

"Like what?" Swinn snapped.

The lack of psychic link was obvious, judging by how they immediately went for two different tactics, whereas before they would have been in perfect sync.

"I'm looking for an old friend of mine," Bravado said. "Azure Lightning. I don't suppose you've seen him?"

"What's he look like?" Dell asked.

"He has a blue mane and tail. His coat was yellow but I think he dyed it brown to hide from an old master of his. But it doesn't work too well because the most noticeable thing about him is his wings. He is a pegasus, but a birth defect left the wings too small to do him any good. Sound familiar?"

There was a pause.

"Nope," Swinn said.

Dell gasped. "Oh, Swinn, I remember him!"

Swinn blinked. "Where from?"

"Oh…" Dells enthusiasm suddenly plunged. "Oh, well, you know, we met him at the, uh, doctor's house…?"

"Oh!" Swinn said.

"Oh," Mareton said, to join the chorus. "Was that the pony that Doctor Zerato was hacking into pieces?"

There was an awkward silence. Sebastius relished Bravado's expression: a misture of dismay, horror, and confusion.

"He's still alive!" Dell said. "Well, probably. We know where he is! Sort of."

"But the upshot is," Swinn said, "we're all looking for the same pony. So why don't you come with us?"

"W-well," Sebastius said, "how about we get going?"

All three ponies turned on him.

"I'm sorry," Swinn said, a malicious smirk on her face, "did you say 'we'?"

"How do we know you won't just look for another opportunity to take control of us?" Dell said, narrowing her eyes.

Bravado stepped forward, grinning. "The world will be a better place without you, Señor Mareton." He raised his hoof for a punch.

There was no way forward. The three of them blocked the alley exit.

Sebastius ran a short way down the alley, straight into the dead end. What had _possessed_ him to pick an alley with a dead end to hide in?

The three ponies came closer.

No- this couldn't be it- he was too young, and handsome, and successful, and, and, and, and of all the things that _could've_ killed him, and of all the cool ways to die, he had to just be punched to death in an alley?

Sebastius screamed and pressed his hooves to his eyes.

A fluttering of wings answered him. Was that an angel about to escort him to hell?

"Hey, what's going on here?"

Sebastius opened his eyes. A winged zebra guard stood between him, Bravado and the SwinnDell sisters. All right, time for operation waterworks. When his life was on the line, Sebastius was not to proud for anything.

"Oh, thank you," he cried, clasping his hooves in front of him in a gesture of gratitude, "I'm so glad you heard me- I was- I was so scared-"

"No worries, kid," the guard said, patting Mareton patronizingly on the head. "So what started this? Some brotherly feud?"

Sebastius stared at the guard blankly. "Huh?"

"Oh, you don't think- we're not related!" Bravado shouted.

The guard grimaced. "Uh. Uh huh. Well, er, sorry, you two stallions just looked… real… similar…"

If he gives me that 'all earth ponies look alike to me' excuse, I'll make him eat his own wings, Mareton thought.

"Well, on your way, then," the zebra guard said, guiding Sebastius back to the safety of the crowds.

"Thanks again," Sebastius said, to avoid suspicion. The guard nodded and flew off.

Bravado and the SwinnDell sisters stalked out of the alley, annoyed that their prey had escaped.

"Well," Bravado said, "at least we're even. Now I've made _you_ scream like a little filly."

Mareton's face curled up in a snarl.

"Oh, well," Swinn said. "It doesn't matter if we don't deal with you here and now. Somepony will."

"And even if you live," Dell said, "you won't be much of a threat to us anymore. Or to anypony else."

"Don't even _think_ about following us," Bravado said. "Guards won't always be there to rescue you."

"And we'll tell Doctor Zerato what a scoundrel you are," Swinn said. "You can kiss any hope you had of getting help from him goodbye."

The three of them stalked off.

They were right, Mareton thought with a creeping feeling of doom. It was over. Just like that.

He'd better find a quiet place to mope for a bit.

* * *

Sebastius trailed his hoof in the water of the fountain. Since the Marabians were observing the festival of lightning, not the festival of water, the water shrines were completely deserted. It was useless to toss coins for good luck, the Marabians believed. The water god just plain didn't exist during this month.

The cool water felt good on his hooves, and it was nice to sit down and rest his head on the fountain's edge. His wounds still ached, but it was a bit more bearable now.

How had this happened to him? Where had he gone wrong? It just wasn't fair. Life had never been fair to him. He'd always had to fight for everything he got. Magic, social status, respect, abilities…

…parental affection…

Being a sociopath, Mareton had never actually _needed_ his father to love him, unlike most Normies. His father was just another pony. And other ponies were always something Mareton had considered as tools at his disposal. But it _was_ easier for him to convince ponies to do as he pleased when the ponies felt some degree of loyalty to him. And his father was the one who had been legally in charge of him, so it paid to stay under his good grace. Mareton had always given his father just enough heartwarming moments to allay any of his suspicions that something was not quite right about the way his son viewed the world.

It had worked, mostly…

A memory stirred in Mareton's mind. It had never occurred to him to wonder whether he or Bravado might be related until that zebra had compared them. But then, he didn't know anything about Bravado's past. And as for his own past…

_Sebastius crouched on the cold linoleum, his ear pressed against the kitchen door, straining to hear his parents' voices. His bags were packed, he had a map of the transit system at the ready, and he knew where his mom kept spare change for a rainy day. Still, he knew it would be hard for a little colt like him to somehow make his way in the world without parents. And if he wanted to be an adventure archeologist, he would rather learn the necessary skills from his dad, who would surely teach him for free. So before he ran away, he wanted to be certain of his fate._

_ His dad, as always, was taking his side._

_ "For the last time," Rodolphus said, "there is nothing wrong with Sebastius. All kids are a little cruel at times. Especially when a new sibling enters the picture."_

_ "You don't have to live with him all the time," his mom said. "You haven't seen him like I have."_

_ "I'm not doubting your word," his dad lied, "but I'm not sending him away to an institute. He is our son."_

_ "You have more than one son!" his mom cried. "And if you won't protect your youngest child, I will!"_

Mareton lifted his head slightly, wincing at the pain in his neck. He leaned over the water and studied his reflection, trying to imagine himself with a gray coat and red mane like Bravado had. It wasn't a perfect match, of course, but then hairstyles weren't hereditary. And the resemblance was there…

Could it be…?


	9. Chapter 8: Total Party Betrayal

Teacups rattled on the tables. Bravado usually preferred alcohol, and he knew the SwinnDell sisters did too, but that was hardly appropriate in the middle of the day, especially when they had such an important mission to go on.

The SwinnDell sisters couldn't thank Bravado enough. They had already said the words at least fifty times each, and now they were buying the tea for him. Bravado could get used to this hero gig.

"And then we thought, you know, as long as Mareton's unconscious, why not mess him up a bit while we can?" Swinn said.

"So we reattached all the legs incorrectly and put his head on sideways," Dell said.

"And then we had a good laugh and offered to try and put him back, but Mareton didn't trust us."

"So he just hacked our horns off and blackmailed us."

"It was soooo traumatizing!" Swinn sobbed.

"Mareton's just a slimeball," Bravado said, finishing the last of the Marabian tea. "Let's not talk about him anymore. It's a moot point."

"Now we just need to figure out where to look for him next," Dell said.

"Not a problem," Bravado said. "If I know the pony you mean, then the one thing I know about him for sure is his love of shopping. He's a collector of knives of all kinds. And he loves specialty blades- rare blades, antique blades, enchanted blades. Way I see it, the place he'll want to be this time of year is Kirella's market."

"What's that?" Dell asked, blinking.

"It's the place you go to sell and buy things that are not quite legal," Bravado said. "The way I understand it, Doctor Zerato is… not quite legal himself. Not to mention that its technically illegal for private citizens to trade in hypodermic needles. And Kirella's market is only open once a month- today. So that would be where I'd start."

"Okay, let's get going, then." Swinn stood up.

"Ahem," the overly-attentive waiter said.

Swinn took a look at the waiter and slowly sat down. "Right. The check." She fished around in her pocket. "That's funny, I was sure I..." She gasped dramatically. "My money! It's all gone!"

"Oh, no!" Dell said. "Mine is gone too! Some thief must have pickpocketed us!"

"Yeah," Swinn snarled. "Like Sebastius Mareton…"

"I still have some coins," Bravado said. "Don't worry about it. I'll pay for it." He handed a few bits to the waiter.

"Oh, thank you," Swinn said. "I thought you'd get mad, because we _did_ offer to pay for it…"

"You've been hanging around jerks like Mareton too much," Bravado said. "We need to get going. There's only so much time to register as a seller."

There was a pause. "Wait, why are we registering as sellers?" Dell asked.

"Most of the business in Kirella's market is conducted with a minimum of verbal communication," Bravado said. "Two buyers suddenly stopping to talk would be inordinately suspicious. Our doctor will no doubt go as a buyer, and so we would need to be sellers. It's the only way communication is possible. Kirella's market isn't just a place you go to buy material goods- secret information changes hooves all the time as well."

"But what are we selling?" Swinn asked.

"What you usually sell," Bravado said. "Cheap pots marketed as ancient urns. Contraptions of tin marketed as valuable weapons. The usual."

"Some of those are genuine artifacts, you know," Swinn said.

"But the ponies in Kirella's market won't be easy enough to fool!" Dell said at nearly the same time.

They looked at each other in distress over their broken psychic link. They usually didn't contradict each other like this.

"The point isn't to make money, silly girls," Bravado said.

The two mares stared at him in genuine shock.

"The point is to find your surgeon and get your horns back so that _then _you can make money," Bravado said.

The SwinnDell sisters recovered from their shock somewhat.

"Sure, sounds good," Dell said.

"Then let's get going." Bravado polished off the few dregs left in his teacup, then dropped it on the table with a clatter. One thing he adored about eating out was that somepony else got to do the dishes.

* * *

"So where do we find this market?" Swinn asked.

Bravado thought about it for a second. He'd only managed to get there two times himself, and both times he'd had friends to guide him there.

Once that friend had been Azure Lightning.

"I know they change codes a lot," he said. "We shouldn't be talking too loudly."

"Oh, okay," Swinn said. "Let's, uh, sneak into some alley somewhere?"

"That'll do just fine," Bravado said, ducking into one of the overly plentiful alleys that littered Marabia for the sake of plot convenience. "So, the sign that marked Kirella's market last time was a pair of cut gemstones viewed from above- the ponies you need to contact to learn more will have those as a fake cutie mark or as a sign on their shop or something."

"Go on," Swinn said from somewhere behind him.

Bravado glanced around the alley a bit, making sure nopony was nearby. "I do know a zebra who is connected to Kirella's market. Name of Hegera. He usually runs a jewelry shop as a cover job, has his name right on the door, very well-known and reputable. Many ponies have no clue about the activities he engages in every month, and even if they did, Hegera is loaded, and it's common knowledge that the Marabian guards will let off _any_ criminal at all if they have enough money. They believe that wealth is a sign of favor from the gods or some… thing…" Bravado turned around and suddenly found himself alone in the alley.

"Uh, girls?" he said.

No answer.

"Swinn? Dell? Girls?" Bravado started forward.

Both sisters skidded into view. Each was holding her horn in her mouth. A rope was magically levitating in front of them.

"What-"

That was as far as Bravado got. The rope shot forward, wrapping around his legs and mouth and flipping him upside down.

"Got him good," Swinn said, dropping her horn into one of her hooves. "It's good to be linked."

Swinn and Dell gave each other a brohoof, then tucked their horns back in their pockets.

"Talk to you soon," Dell said as she put hers away.

"Very, very soon," Swinn said.

"Dibs on the hat," Dell said, picking up Bravado's beloved fedora. She plopped it on her head and smiled cockily. "How do I look?"

"Wonderful, darling," Swinn said.

Then the two girls ripped Bravado's cargo vest off and started going through the pockets.

Bravado burned with indignation as he thrashed against the ropes. But they were magically knotted. There was no way he would be able to loosen them without any magic of his own. He'd need something to cut them with. So he started looking for sharp objects.

"Nice baubles," Swinn said. "And they're genuine, too. Think how easy these will sell."

The girls were admiring the artifacts from his pockets. _His _artifacts. They were going to sell _his _artifacts.

The worst part was that Bravado had been planning to sell them himself. He was going to let the girls sell them for him. That was why he was into archeology: to make money. The SwinnDell sisters had been hanging around the likes of Daring Do too much; Daring Do was a real stickler for making sure that artifacts only went to museums, even if that meant giving them away for free. Bravado had nothing against museums, he just was willing to sell them to a private owner if they paid more money. He'd been planning to sell his artifacts on Kirella's market even before he got mixed up with Swinn and Dell, and now those two backstabbers…

He ground his teeth with anger.

"Ooh, bits," Dell said. "Goody."

"I think that's all we need," Swinn said, tossing Bravado's cargo vest aside. "We've got our merchandise, and we've got money."

"Are you sure we didn't forget something?" Dell asked.

"Why?" Swinn said as she started out of the alley.

"I dunno, something keeps nagging at me…"

Bravado couldn't see the girls as they trotted out of sight to peek around outside the alley, but he did hear what happened next.

"Hey, pretty ladies!" a pony called in Marabian. "How would you like some pretty necklaces?"

There was a frozen silence.

"That's what I forgot…" Dell whispered.

"We don't speak Marabian!" Swinn screamed, banging her head on the alley wall.

"No need to shout," the vendor grumbled in Marabian. From the hoofstomps, Bravado assumed the pony had left.

For a while, the only sound was Swinn muttering to herself. Bravado couldn't make out the words.

Hopefully, the girls would decide to untie him, but then again that was improbable. Still, if they did, would Bravado ask for their help again?

This wasn't fair; he couldn't compete with unicorns. He usually carried around an amulet that blocked magic, but he'd been worried about getting it past Marabian customs for this trip. How could anypony expect him to do so much as hold his own when other ponies could bend reality to their will, and all he had was his hooves and his brain?

Bravado had gone into adventure archeology, partly because his dad had done it, partly because he loved the adrenaline rush, partly for the money. But there was another reason, a reason he would never admit to the likes of Daring Do. A reason that he didn't even want to admit to himself.

Once, he'd been working with a team of researchers. He was barely more than a colt, and was just getting started doing archeology, although he'd gotten his cutie mark already. They'd been sorting some very fragile porcelain jars that had been steeped in magic so that they held whatever was put in them, no matter how large. Bravado had been carrying too many, and he fell and smashed one with his body. Suddenly the spell was broken, and all the energy that the unicorns had poured into that jar rushed out all at once into the closest living vessel- Bravado himself. The sudden surge had disoriented him, and afterwards he had severe burns on his body. He'd nearly died. Obviously not an experience he cared to repeat.

And yet, for just a moment, between when the vase broke, and the magic had left him, there had been one moment, while the power had still been in his body, that everything had felt different. His body felt almost electric, not like he was dying, but rather like he'd been infused with so much _life_ that he could barely contain it. Like he suddenly was filled to bursting with… _potential_.

It had felt good.

So, so, _so_ good.

And so, no matter what reason he gave for the way of life he chose to live, deep within his subconscious, usually so deep that he didn't even put it into words, was the glimmer of hope that, before he had to hand the artifact of awesome power to his client, he'd somehow find an excuse to use it for himself. To once more feel the power surging through him, and feel like he had the ability to do anything with just a little spell.

But he could never admit these things. Not even to himself. Because if he truly was in the archeology business just for the power trips, that would make him like…

"Hiiiiiii, girls," a familiar voice cooed.

"_Mareton!_" both girls screamed with fury.

Bravado began twisting around, until he finally got a good look at Swinn, Dell, and Sebastius Mareton. Mareton was still wearing that stupid black cloak.

"What are you doing here?" Swinn shouted.

"What do you want?" Dell echoed.

"_Me_?" Mareton's voice just _oozed_ innocence. "Why, _nothing_. I just _happened_ to be in the area and couldn't help but notice that you are, once again, deprived of a translator, because, like many novices, you forgot the first rule of backstabbing: always make sure, before you stab someone in the back, that you won't ever need that pony's services again."

"Get lost, Sebastius," Swinn snarled.

"Why?" Sebastius said. "The way I see it, we both need each other. I speak Marabian, and I would be willing to help you sell goods at Kirella's market, which most professional translators won't do- at least not for that pitiful amount of bits that you're carrying. And I, on the other hoof…" Mareton slowly lowered himself to his knees and gave the girls a pleading expression. "I'm at your mercy, here. I can't live like this anymore. I _need_ the help of your precious doctor. _Please_."

Mareton had somehow managed to make his pleading expression sarcastic. Bravado was almost impressed.

The SwinnDell sisters exchanged anxious glances.

"I'm sick and tired of all these setbacks," Swinn sighed. "You win, Mareton. But we'll be keeping all four eyes on you."

"Not fair," Mareton said, pointing to where one of his eyes used to be. "It's four against one!"

"Ha ha ha," Dell said. "Now take us to Kirella's market."

"Hold up, girls. You aren't really going to leave Bravado alone in this alley, tied up and an easy target for thieves, are you?"

"We already stole everything he's carrying," Swinn said. "Nice try, Mareton."

"But someone might come along and untie him if you aren't here to watch him," Sebastius Mareton continued. "We'd better take him with us. Just in case."

"Oh, sure," Swinn said. "Like nopony is going to notice us dragging a tied-up pony behind us."

"If you would help me out of my cloak," Sebastius said, "then I know for a fact that you can use a duplication spell on something as simple as this. It'll hide his legs, and if you'd loosen his ropes just a bit, he'll be able to walk or at least hop behind us at a fair pace. We'll be just fine."

Bravado gritted his teeth at the thought of hopping all the way from this alley to Kirella's market. Maybe Daring Do's friend Coco Pie liked to get around that way, but Bravado wasn't sure he was that physically fit.

Sebastius Mareton grabbed the rope around Bravado's mouth and yanked him to his hooves. "Who knew a pony's worst day could change to a pony's very best day so fast?" Mareton whispered in Bravado's ear with a chuckle.

_Who knew it also worked the other way around?_ Bravado thought.

* * *

Bravado was flung to the ground while the girls and Sebastius Mareton waited in line to sign up. The sellers were registering in an old forest outside of town, where the thick branches hid them from the sight of the winged zebra guards who occasionally flew by.

"Now, girls," Sebastisus said, "let me take this opportunity to explain Kirellian etiquette. First rule: Don't talk to anyone. Actually, let's make that rule into: I do all the talking. Even if the customer speaks a little Equestrian."

"What?" Swinn said. "Do you think we're stupid?"

"Yes," Mareton said. "I meant I do all the talking _to the customers_. You can discuss prices with me all you want, but I am your mediator. That's because I know all those subtle rules for talking to thieves in Marabia that you can't possibly have picked up on and I can't possibly explain in ten minutes."

"I don't trust you," Swinn pouted.

"Too bad. Learn Marabian next time," Sebastius said. "Now, the next part of Kirellian etiquette: no touching anything at all. Except the ground. And even that, you should be careful about. Touching any wares makes you a thief, and in Kirella's market, they hack your hoof off first and say 'Stop, thief!' afterwards. Thirdly, keep your expression as blank as you can manage. These ponies offend easily, even if you don't say a word, and you'd do well to be polite. That means that you, Swinn, need to figure out a way to reign in your magnificent temper."

"Oh, you little-" Swinn alternated between baring her teeth and frowning deeply as she attempted to hold back her screams of rage. Then, in an icy tone, she said, "I can keep calm when I need to, _Sebastius Mareton_."

"Yeah, but you'll have to manage to calm down in less than two minutes," Mareton said, checking an imaginary watch.

"That wasn't two minutes, you- you-" Swinn quivered with rage, then she turned away and glared at the ground.

The last ponies moved out of the way, and Mareton dragged Bravado to the front of the line, where a zebra with a horn, glasses and a cold, hard look was writing in a book with an elaborate purple quill.

"Wares?" the zebra asked in Marabian, lowering his glasses slightly to watch the newcomers.

Bravado had no doubt in his mind that those glasses were enchanted somehow. Probably to give the wearer X-ray vision. It was the only explanation to why he always seemed to look _over _them and rarely _through _them. Plus that was just standard fare for thieves markets.

Mareton patiently described each of the artifacts he had in Marabian, assuring the zebra that he wouldn't use any of the more dangerous ones on him. Not that that would build up any trust between them.

"And him?" the zebra asked, pointing straight at Bravado. "Who is that? Your brother?"

Bravado felt like screaming at the zebra. No, for the last time, he was not related to Sebastius Mareton!

But Sebastius just smiled. "_Yes_," he said emphatically. "He is."

"And is _he_ for sale, then?" the zebra asked, his lips twitching into a smile.

"Of course," Sebastius said. "What are brothers for?"

Bravado felt cold. Duh, he thought. There _was _a slave trade in Marabia, though it was one of those technically illegal things that's hard to enforce. He'd heard lots of horror stories of ponies who'd been kidnapped by zebras and made to serve in the fields. So _that _was why Sebastius Mareton had been so keen to bring him along.

He didn't panic, but he began thinking of a way out much more seriously than before.

"Normally we don't get ponies on our market," the zebra said, brushing his chin with his quill pen. "But that's more because our location makes it inconvenient to drag huge quantities of slaves here, and not many would register on our market for a single captive. However, you are hardly the first creature who wanted to sell a relative at our establishment. The fact that you would do this to your own brother suggests you are quite the backstabber."

That was a hard call. Was the zebra hinting that he now no longer trusted Mareton and wouldn't let him in, or was he saying that now he _did_ trust Mareton since Mareton had admitted how untrustworthy he was right up front?

It must have been the latter, from the way the zebra finished filling out the form. "Do you care to give any other information?" he asked.

"Say I'm with the SwinnDell sisters," Mareton said. Of course Mareton wouldn't want to use his own name, Bravado thought. Mareton had tons of enemies in Marabia, and some of them would be at Kirella's market. On the other hand, the girls couldn't possibly have made any enemies if they'd hadn't even been here long enough to pick up any language. So their name was safe enough.

"Hey!" Swinn shouted, whirling Mareton around to face her. "I heard you say our name. What are you saying about us? You aren't selling us out are you?"

"I was just telling them to put your name on the stall! Sheesh," Mareton said, shaking his head. Then he winced and stopped.

"You'd better be a good salespony," Dell muttered.

"Just you watch," Mareton said.

* * *

This, Bravado reflected, was a very good study of honor amongst thieves.

So far as he could tell, Mareton had cheated Swinn and Dell three times, Swinn and Dell had cheated Mareton once, and two separate customers had cheated Mareton _and_ the SwinnDell sisters. And that was only the successful scams. Bravado had lost count of the number of times that the various ponies had tried to con each other, only for their ploy to be noticed by somepony or another. And there had been brief exchange of blows (or more like slaps) between Swinn and Mareton before Dell had pleaded with them to cut it out before they killed each other.

And nopony had asked to buy him yet. That was a good sign.

Okay, one zebra had asked if he was for sale, but that was a matter of curiosity. And then he'd shrugged and said, "The offer is tempting, but I only just bought some young stallions recently, and they're only just broken. I don't need another hot-blooded one giving them hope to fight back."

Bravado, meanwhile, had found a sharp piece of glass, and he'd been rubbing his ropes against that piece of glass whenever Mareton and the SwinnDell sisters turned their backs. That didn't happen nearly often enough for his liking, but it would work if he had enough time.

"I don't even think this is real," one customer was saying in Marabian, examining a ruby carved into a star shape. That had been one of Bravado's finds. He tried to conceal his rage as he slid his hooves back and forth, back and forth, drawing the rope across the broken glass.

"It's real," Sebastius replied in Marabian. "Can't you tell by the way the light catches it?"

The unicorn customer levitated the ruby up to his face.

"Hey!" Swinn said, snatching the ruby from midair and slamming it on the table. "You can't just steal our-"

"Pardon my lame-brained assistant," Sebastius Mareton said in Equestrian. To Swinn he said, "He's just checking it. Why would I let him just make off with our gemstone?"

"Ahem?" Swinn said, shooting daggers at Mareton. "We're the ones who found this ruby, not you."

"But you couldn't sell it if not for me," Mareton said.

"Stop!" Dell screamed, lunging at the unicorn customer with a knife. He had been making his getaway while Swinn and Mareton were distracted.

Bravado laughed softly to himself as Swinn and Mareton each tried to find a way to blame the other for what happened.

"You pathetic little unicorn," a horned zebra hissed as he walked up. "I would expect better from a magic-user."

Sebastius twitched one ear. Bravado suspected his unicorn-supremacist-radar was going off.

The horned zebra whirled around and rested both hooves on the counter, causing all three ponies to jump back. "What do you have?" he said in a slithery voice.

"What does he want?" Dell half-shrieked.

"Just a customer," Mareton whispered to her in Equestrian. Then he spoke to the zebra in Marabian. "We have a few fine artifacts here. This gemstone is-"

"Who is that behind the counter?" The zebra interrupted with a bored voice.

Sebastius did a double take, and Bravado quickly stopped moving his hooves and prayed that Sebastius couldn't see the glass piece. "O-oh, you mean my brother, Bravado Mareton?"

Bravado felt like he would gag when he heard that combination name.

"Don't tell me that _he's_ for sale," the horned zebra said.

"Why not?" Sebastius said. "You don't think you could use a fine stallion like him to help you out?"

The zebra stared at Mareton for a moment. Then his lips twitched into a smile.

"You seem to have no morals at all, sir," he said, as though that were a compliment.

Sebastius took it like one. "Thank you. I'm proud to be a sociopath."

"Would that I had ten ponies like you, sir," the zebra said. "I have such issues with my… _workers_. We come so close to finishing a job. We must stop short, because somebody wants to come clean, or won't hurt a female, or won't kill a child. It causes _such_ delay. Ruins many a well laid plan."

"Hate to break it to you," Sebastius Mareton said, "but I'm afraid I'm not looking for a job at the moment. However, give me a few days and I could look you up. But on the other hand, I have a similarly-built but unfortunately non-sociopathic pony right here, waiting for purchase." He held out Bravado so that the zebra could get a good look at him.

"Ah, he looks strong," the zebra said. "I could use him as a… _worker_, perhaps?"

"Good luck with that," Sebastius said. "You know the type. Principled. Strict moral code."

"We will see how long those hold up," the zebra said. "I have broken many ponies before, and if nothing else I could use his help in my diamond mines."

That was a subtle way of letting slip that he had plenty of money. If he was willing to let Sebastius charge a high price, this zebra must really want Bravado as a slave.

Bravado managed to keep from shivering. He reminded himself that he'd gotten out of tougher scrapes before; surely he'd have an opportunity to escape at some point. Yeah. He could take care of himself.

"How much?" the zebra asked.

Since he'd revealed that he was rich already, that was an indication that he was okay paying a high price.

"I don't think you can carry the amount of jangles I would prefer," Sebastius said. "Not unless they have started making jangles of higher denomination since I was here last."

"Would you prefer your payment in diamonds?" the zebra asked.

"Show me," Mareton said.

The zebra pulled a clear, well-cut diamond from his jacket pocket. It was of a fair size, about the size of a bit coin.

"Will you take five of these?" the zebra asked.

"Better make it six," Mareton said. "We'll need to split it three ways."

"Done," the zebra said.

"Ooh," Swinn cooed when she saw the diamond. "I didn't know we had anything worth that much!"

Bravado was almost impressed how much the zebra was willing to pay for him.

"Yeah," Sebastius Mareton said. "I had no idea Bravado was so valuable."

"Wait, what?" Dell said. "You- you aren't selling _him_ are you?"

"Why not?" Mareton said.

"Well, Swinn, he _did_ save our horns for us…" Dell whispered.

Swinn paused. "Yeah, you're right. We can't just betray him like that."

"The zebra is willing to pay _four_ of these lovely gemstones for him," Mareton said.

Swinn and Dell gasped, and their eyes bugged out. Bravado could practically _see_ the bit symbols in their eyes.

"Done!" they cried in unison.

"Thank you kindly," Sebastius said. Then he added to the zebra in Marabian, "Just slip two of those lovely diamonds under the table where I can grab them… there… just like that. Leave the other four on the table."

Swinn and Dell pounced on the diamonds as soon as they saw them. Their eyes gleamed with greed as they surveyed their glittering prizes.

Sebastius dragged Bravado around the table and handed the end of one rope to the zebra. "He hops pretty well if you don't feel like dragging him like a sled," he said.

"Thank you very much," the horned zebra said. "This has been a most pleasant meeting, mister…?"

"Doctor, actually. Doctor Zerato."

Sebastius and his customer whirled around quickly. Somehow, an abada had snuck up on them. Unlike most buyers, he was wearing a white lab coat instead of the identity-concealing black cloaks.

The horned zebra started to speak. Doctor Zerato merely pressed his black-gloved hoof against the horned zebra's chest, and the zebra's words turned into a small whimper.

"That earth pony," Doctor Zerato said, "is an incredible specimen of its kind, and _you_ want to _ruin_ him by forcing him to slave away in a _diamond mine_?"

The zebra collapsed on the ground, blood flowing from his chest. His eyes remained open.

Bravado's eyes bugged out. This wasn't what he'd expected from Swinn and Dell's miracle doctor.

From the matching bugged eye on Mareton's face, he hadn't been expecting this either. And judging from the feminine gasps, neither had Swinn and Dell.

"Why did you have to do that?" Dell said. "We would have let you have Bravado… er…"

Doctor Zerato shifted his shoulders and pulled his black hoof-glove on straight. When he spoke, it was in Equestrian- perfect, accent-less Equestrian. "My apologies, gentlemares. I probably should have waited to kill him so that you didn't have to watch that. But when one has absolute power over life and death, one gets slightly careless." He smiled at Sebastius Mareton, who was blinking especially hard to try and de-bug his remaining eye.

_I do that, too_, Bravado thought with a jolt.

"And who is your friend?" Doctor Zerato asked Swinn and Dell.

Swinn and Dell both opened their mouths indignantly, but Sebastius made slashing motions at them.

"I am Sebastius Mareton," he said. "And this is my brother, Bravado."

"Oh!" Doctor Zerato said, his eyes widening. "Ah. Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance." He stroked Bravado's chin, which made Bravado flinch backwards. _Get your hooves off me, you murderer!_

"Such a _fine_ earth pony," Doctor Zerato said. "Ever since I saw him selling his wares, I longed to cut him open and see if his insides were as well-formed as the outside."

"We'll give him to you," Swinn blurted out. "Free gift."

Bravado felt like he'd been dumped into a chest of ice.

"But you…" Doctor Zerato brushed Mareton's hood off his face and examined the cut on his neck. "What the hay happened to _you_?"

"Can I speak to you in private?" Sebastius Mareton asked the doctor in Marabian. "I have to tell you something important about those girls that you think are so trustworthy."

"Talk in Equestrian," Swinn snapped.

"Oops," Sebastius said in Equestrian.

"No, no," the doctor said in Equestrian. "I'm impressed that he speaks the language so well. Let's see what else you know." Then he switched to Marabian. "I don't understand. Did those girls do this to you? With _my_ potion?"

"These girls are professional con artists," Sebastius replied in Marabian. "I fell for their tricks, too. They aren't interested in helping _you_ become a rich and famous doctor- they just want to become doctors for themselves, using _your_ medicine."

"What?" Doctor Zerato said, looking shocked.

"What are you saying?" Dell demanded.

"He's quizzing me on the Marabian gods," Sebastius said in Equestrian. "Friendly talk."

Suspicious expressions made their appearance on Swinn and Dell's faces.

"Not much time, they're on to us," Sebastius said. "Short version, they were using me as a test subject. You can see for yourselves what kind of doctors they make. But they ran out of potions doing so. They were planning on saving one so they can analyze its contents, but now they can't. They're going to try and con you into giving them more potion. Don't do it. For both of our sakes, _don't_ do it."

The doctor started at Sebastius Mareton for a while. Then he grinned broadly and turned to the girls.

"You have picked up quite an intelligent young earth pony here," he said. "A most excellent guide. So, why have you not returned to Equestria yet? Is there some service I can render? Do you need your potion stock replenished?"

"Oh, that would be good," Dell said. "But could you also-"

"No," Doctor Zerato said, pressing a black gloved hoof to each of their faces. He drew three long, bloody cuts across their cheeks- Swinn's right cheek, Dell's left cheek. Both girls screamed. Bravado's hat tumbled off Dell's head and into the dirt.

"Let that be a lesson to the two of you," the abada said. "Nopony_ ever_ cons Doctor Zerato. Nopony, and no one!"

And then Swinn and Dell did what they knew best how to do.

They ran away. They made a panicked run through the crowd at Kirella's market, shoving aside ponies, knocking down stands, and leaving a trail of mini-disasters in their wake.

"You sure know how to dish out violence," Mareton said with a note of respect.

Doctor Zerato pulled his black gloves on straight. Both of them were pretty torn, and Bravado could just barely make out the stolen griffin paws underneath.

"I owe you a lot, Sebastius Mareton," Doctor Zerato said, nodding to the earth pony. "You have impressed me greatly. You have managed to master both Marabian and Equestrian, and have managed to intelligently extract yourself from a dangerous situation. I have never taken on a personal assistant before, but I would be pleased to work with a pony like you."

"We are ponies of business," Sebastius said, keeping his tone emotionless. "Understand, my regular job pays very, _very_ well, and has all _manner_ of lovely perks. Mostly adrenaline related. So I hope you won't be offended if I ask… what can you offer me that nopony else can?"

"A simple question with a simple answer," Doctor Zerato said.

With a dramatic flourish, he tore off his white lab coat and spread his stolen griffin wings in their full glory. They were huge with many feathers, smooth and well kept. Doctor Zerato flew up into the air with them and smiled down on Sebastius Mareton, who watched with an expression of awe.

"What can I give you that nopony can?" Doctor Zerato asked. "Look upon my glory, Sebastius Mareton. I was once a regular horned zebra. But now I have risen above that. I am a _self-made alicorn_. And you? Why should I bestow a blessing of any less magnitude upon you?"

Sebastius looked deliriously happy.

"I can give you what you have always dreamed of: a horn, a pair of wings!" the doctor continued. "All the benefits that other creatures enjoy by right of birth shall be laid at your hooves! What can I give you that nopony else can, Sebastius Mareton? Only the opportunity of a lifetime, the chance that you always wished could be yours and yet never dared to hope could happen: the chance to rise to the level of a superior species!"

The smile fell off of Sebastius Mareton's face so fast that it defied the laws of gravity. "Come again?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

Doctor Zerato landed on the ground and folded his stolen wings to his sides. They were far too big for him. He smiled at Sebastius Mareton, apparently not understanding the expression of barely restrained rage on the earth pony's face.

"I'm giving you the chance to live as if you were a unicorn," Doctor Zerato said. He turned aside thoughtfully. "I mean, I've gotten the impression that the majority of earth ponies simply lack the intelligence to understand how _pathetic _and _inferior_ they are compared to unicorns, but _you_… you seem unusually intelligent, considering your species. Perhaps as smart as a pegasus. I can't imagine how you can live with yourself, day after day, knowing that no matter how much you succeed, you will _never_ rise to the level of a unicorn…"

Finally, Mareton snapped.

He seized the doctor by one hoof and swung him into the supporting pole of another stall. The pole cracked right in half, and Doctor Zerato banged his head against a table. The cloth awning collapsed on top of him.

Bravado rolled over to the doctor's discarded lab coat. If he knew the abada surgeon half as well as he thought he did, then he was sure to find something to cut his ropes in that coat.

Mareton had drawn his ice dagger and was stabbing Doctor Zerato. The knife cut through his flesh as if it was warm butter. Sebastius shouted at the doctor, digging the sharp dagger into him with every word.

"You-" STAB! "stupid-" STAB! "self righteous-" STAB! "bigoted-" STAB!

Bravado's mouth was tied shut pretty tight, but he managed to wrap his lips around a scapula's handle and drag it out of the pocket. Then he whipped his ropes across the blade. It was more effective than the shard of glass, and in a few seconds the rope parted.

Mareton finally dug the dagger into Doctor Zerato's neck. He left it there and surveyed his handiwork, breathing heavily. Cuts on his legs had reopened.

Bravado kicked his legs out to remove the remaining ropes, then untied the loop around his mouth. He tossed the whole bundle of ropes aside. First things first; he scooped up his hat and put it back on his head, where it belonged. Then he turned to Sebastius Mareton.

"Wow," he said. "I thought Doctor Zerato was the only pony who knew how to make that healing potion. How are you going to get yourself healed now?"

Sebastius Mareton's breathing caught for a second. Then he slowly, slowly turned around, little flames dancing in his eyes.

"What was that about not backstabbing a pony before making sure you don't need their services anymore?" Bravado asked, arching his eyebrows and smiling.

Mareton's lips curled back in a snarl. He was practically blowing smoke from his nostrils.

"Come and get it," Bravado smirked, pawing the ground.

Then something heavy hit Bravado in the side of the head. He collapsed into the dirt, and a net of ropes fell on top of him. The ropes were so heavy that Bravado was sure they'd left bruises. He could hardly lift his head.

"Ow…" Sebastius Mareton groaned nearby. The net had caught him too. Sebastius was bleeding in several places but not very heavily.

So many things had happened in so little time that it took Bravado a few seconds to understand what was going on. It was the guards. The Marabian Guards. It had to be. Swinn and Dell must've attracted their attention with their wild escape. And now Kirella's Market was being raided.

There was lots of shouting and stampeding and fighting going on, but Bravado couldn't see any of it because he was busy holding the dirt down with his nose. After what seemed like an eternity, the net was lifted slightly and a two rough sets of hooves dragged him out and tied him up. Hooray; more ropes.

Sebastius was still lying on the ground. He wasn't moving. Even after an abada guard pulled the net off of him, he didn't budge.

"What are we going to tell the captain?" the abada asked in a whiny voice.

"We'll tell him the truth," the winged zebra said. "That a haul of two prisoners is the most he can expect from two soldiers, and next time he should assign more guards to this patrol."

"I don't want to get fired…" the whiny abada said.

"Shut your trap."

"Wait, you aren't arresting me, are you?" said Bravado.

The two zebra guards just rolled their eyes at him.

"But- but you can't do that!" Bravado said. "I'm the victim here!"

"We can and will, lawbreaker," the abada said.

"But I didn't _do_ anything!" Bravado said.

"I think this one's dead," the winged zebra said, kicking Mareton lightly.

Sebastius Mareton groaned.

"Oops, never mind," the winged zebra said. "Here, Zoltan, see if you can make him walk."

"I didn't do anything!" Bravado repeated.

Zoltan's horns glowed.

"Leave me alone, you (censored)," Mareton said. "I'll get up already!" With some effort, he pushed himself off the ground, then slowly fell over again.

"Do you think we can get these two prisoners to Dalquen's prison before dark?" the winged zebra asked.

"You'd better," somebody growled. An earth zebra stepped out behind a collapsed stall. His helmet with a star on it denoted him a captain.

"I didn't do anything!" Bravado cried again.

"Uh huh," the captain said. "Sure." He turned to the abada. "This is all you got, Zoltan? Two prisoners, one of whom can barely walk?"

The abada's horns glowed again, and Mareton was jerked up into the air and planted firmly on his hooves. "Er, well…"

"Forget it," the captain said. "I'll take what I can get. We will execute them in the prison theater tomorrow."

Bravado's face froze with horror.

"But I didn't DO anything!"

* * *

Bravado stared forlornly at the metal bars of the jail cell.

This was bad. Very, very bad.

Under other circumstances, Bravado might have considered the possibility of escape. The Marabian government was notoriously underfunded, with the rulers on top taking the lion's share of the taxpayers money to spend on lavish mansions while many government programs languished. But the Dalquen prison theater was no ordinary prison. A huge portion of government funds came from tourists and locals paying to watch criminals get executed, not to mention that many of the highest officials loved to watch the sports. To that end, the Dalquen prison had security that rivaled that of Tartarus. Guards, enchanted beasts, and magic wards kept the prisoners in and any potential rescuers out. Bravado would have been hard pressed to break out of his cell, never mind the compound.

What was worse, the Marabians believed that, if a prison show needed to happen and they didn't have any criminals to use for the show yet, the gods would send them a guilty pony for their entertainment purposes. Bravado had no hope of a trial. To protest his innocence at this point would be sacrilegious.

But he couldn't panic. He had to keep calm. Not because that would somehow help him escape; it wouldn't. He was going to die whether he panicked or not.

No, the reason he had to keep calm was that Sebastius Mareton was watching him.

Sebastius was taking the whole affair very well. He was lying on the cot, tapping one hoof against the foot of the bed, alternating between staring at the ceiling and staring at Bravado. He was waiting for Bravado to crack; he just knew it. Bravado had no intention of giving him that satisfaction.

In the cell across from them a group of earth ponies moped. There were four of them, all huge stallions with many scars. None of them had cutie marks despite their apparent adulthood; perhaps they were a gang of ex-slaves. They were going to be executed in a few hours.

"You two brothers?" one of them asked.

"Yes," Sebastius Mareton said.

"No," said Bravado, kicking Sebastius in the leg.

"Oh yes we are."

"Oh no we aren't."

"I'll prove it. What's your mother's name?"

"Ruby Rust," Bravado said.

"Same as mine."

"I think I'd remember if we grew up together," Bravado said.

"No you wouldn't. I'd have killed you before you were out of nursery school," Sebastius said.

"My point exactly."

"But my mom didn't stick around the house too long after I was born," Sebastius said, grinning evily. "I terrified her. She ran away because she thought I'd kill her in her sleep." He rubbed one hoof under his chin. "Probably not. That would have been too risky. But then, I admit, foals do stupid things."

"We're not related," Bravado said. "You made that up."

"You only wish," Sebastius said, giggling maniacally.

"Get your kicks while you can, Sebastius," Bravado said. "It'll only be for another day. And then you just _know_ you're going to die first. No matter what game they want us to play, you'll lose. And I'll get the satisfaction of watching you die."

"How can you talk to your brother that way?" Sebastius said.

Bravado ignored him. It wasn't worth it anymore.

One more day. One more lousy day.

He rested his head on the bars.

He'd spent so much time travelling, and yet it felt like he had seen so little.

He thought of his mom, because Sebastius had brought it up. He hadn't seen her in… _years_. And even then, he'd only stopped by to drop off a birthday present and dashed off again. He wrote her letters, but he knew she missed him. And he wouldn't even get to say goodbye. With his job, Ruby Rust probably wouldn't even worry about him if she didn't hear from him for a month or two. When would she realize that he was gone for good? Would it be better for her to live in ignorance, in uncertainty? Would that be like breaking the news to her gradually?

And then he thought of Daring. Oh, Daring. He'd known her for such a long time. They'd flirted with each other for as long as Bravado could remember, but if she was here… he'd tell her to go ahead and move on. He'd tell her the truth. He'd tell her that even though he'd always admire her and cherish her friendship and wish she could be his, he could never love her in that special way, the way associated with The Power of Love, that deux ex machina in so many adventure novels that sometimes really happened in the real world. He loved her. But not with that kind of selfless passion.

She deserved the truth. If only she was here…

"Visitors for Bravado Mareton?" a guard said, escorting Daring Do, Storm Talon, Sandstorm and Desert Flower to his cell.

Scratch that.

"Ah, Ms. Do," Bravado said, giving the yellow Pegasus a dazzling smile. "You just have to follow me everywhere, don't you?"

"Bravado, _don't_," Daring Do said. "This is serious. If I hadn't seen your name on the prison theater program, I don't want to think about what would have happened to you."

"You think I don't know?" Bravado said. "Look, I have some money in a bank account with a branch nearby, and I have a few friends who might be willing to give me a loan…"

"Hold on," Sandstorm said, pulling out a notepad. "I'll write it all down."

Bravado carefully gave instructions for where to gather his bail money.

"I am eternally grateful to you, Ms. Do," Bravado said. "I owe you so much."

"Then you owe me an explanation," Daring Do said. "Why does the prison roster list you as 'Bravado Mareton'?"

Bravado sighed with aggravation. "Sebastius somehow thinks that we're brothers. I have no idea where he got that idea."

"Storm Talon!" Sebastius shouted from over on his cot. "Could you please tell Bravado what my mom's name was?"

There was a pause.

"I thought Bravado said you were dead," Storm Talon said bluntly. "Too bad he was wrong."

"Don't you know it," Sebastius said. "But this isn't a trick question, you know."

Storm Talon thought for a moment.

"Ruby Rust," he said after a moment. "But she didn't stick around very long. She left about seven or eight years after Sebastius was born. I… I think she did have… I know Rodolphus had another son, and Ruby Rust took the child with her when she left, but the colt's name wasn't Bravado. It was… Cornelius Mareton or something."

"Bravado was probably your middle name," Sebastius said nonchalantly. "Want to know what my middle name is?"

"Danger," Storm Talon said.

"You ruined the punchline," Sebastius growled.

"Really?" said Sandstorm. Desert Flower also looked surprised.

"But I think Bravado is unconvinced," Sebastius Mareton said. "Could you just _describe _what Ruby Rust looked like, if you don't mind?"

Storm Talon didn't answer for a moment.

"Bravado, you know I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"I…" Bravado swallowed. "I want to know."

Storm Talon studied Bravado's face closely.

"Dark gray," he said. "With a dark red mane and ruby red eyes."

Bravado's shoulders slumped. Everypony always said he looked so much like his mother.

"It is true, isn't it?" Storm Talon said.

"Hooray!" Sebastius Mareton said. "I was right! You were wrong! Let's have a happy family reunion!"

"Daring," Bravado said. "Get me out of this cell. Quickly. I have one day maximum."

"Understood," Daring Do said. "Don't worry, handsome."

"I won't, beautiful."

* * *

Bravado didn't know very much about his father.

It wasn't like his mom had tried to keep it secret, but she didn't like looking at pictures of him and so she'd thrown them all out. All Bravado had was a vague image in his memory. His dad had been an earth pony, not buff or bulky but still quite masculine. His coat was a medium blue, and his mane was golden and white in a longish style. It hadn't occurred to him that Sebastius looked similar. Sebastius had a much lighter coat- more of a dusty blue. Although come to think of it, that would be the color you'd get when you mixed his father's sky blue coat with his mother's gray coat. And Sebastius did have a long white mane. Both Bravado and Sebastius liked their manes and tails long. Bravado did it to look handsome. He had no idea why Sebastius did it.

The main thing he knew about his father was what he'd done. Ever since he was little, Ruby Rust had told him fantastic stories about the valuable treasures that he'd gone after, and the brave things he'd done. None of them had been in much detail. Ruby Rust had known his father for about a year before they were married, and soon after she had a son and wanted to stay home. He'd only taken her along on three trips total.

Those stories had been Bravado's favorites. He'd asked to hear them every bedtime, until he'd memorized them and could recite them along with Ruby Rust.

"Your father was very brave," Ruby Rust would say. "And very smart. And very kind. His heart… was just too big for him."

Bravado had assumed for a long time that that meant his dad had died of a heart attack or something. His mom hated talking about his dad's death. She always said a colt didn't need to worry about it, and Bravado had just stopped asking.

"How did your father die?" he asked Sebastius.

"Sorry," Sebastius said. "Can't answer that. Change your pronoun and try again."

Bravado banged his head lightly against the cell bars. His hat fell off, but he didn't care very much.

"How did _our _father die?" he said.

Sebastius swung his back hoof up and down a few times before answering.

"Stabbed," he said. "One of his fellow explorers. They'd recovered an artifact of mass destruction. Rodolphus Mareton wanted it destroyed instantly. But one explorer wanted to destroy all the Buckzi first."

Bravado snorted. "I can sympathize." The Buckzi had been the ruling party of Germeneigh for decades. They put unicorn supremacist theories into practice. Daring Do and Bravado had clashed with them several times, because the Buckzi agents were always on the lookout for powerful artifacts to use to conquer the world and 'put the other races in their place'.

"Tell me about it," Sebastius said. "I wish Rodolphus had just handed the artifact over to the army. It would have made everything so much easier. But his bleeding heart wouldn't give in. And so his heart bled. All over the kitchen floor." Sebastius shifted position. "I was seven. I watched it happen."

Bravado didn't really know how to respond. "I would say I'm sorry to hear it. But you probably loved watching it, didn't you?"

"What the hay?" Sebastius sat up abruptly. "What? You think that just because I didn't cry, I was somehow happy about it? Yeah, right. That was the worst day of my life. You know why? Because less than a month later, the state sent me to a nut house. That's why. Do you know what they did to me there? Do you know what happened to the foals who were sent there?" He pointed to a round scar near his ear. It was so small Bravado had never noticed it before. "You know how I got these?" He pointed to a matching one near his other ear. "That's where they attach the wires. For the new and unimproved electric shock therapy."

"Come on," Bravado said. "They couldn't have- I thought that was banned."

"It was used far more recently than most ponies think," Sebastius said. "And the main reason it got banned was because of that poorly maintained sanitarium. One colt was electrocuted _to death_."

"You're lying," Bravado said.

"No way. And then you know what? The next day, they strapped another foal into the machine without bothering to fix it. And they electrocuted _her_ to death, too."

"Pull the other one," Bravado said.

"I thought they were just going to murder us all one by one," Sebastius said. "That's what I'd do if I ran a sanitarium. Not that I would want to run one. Contrary to popular belief, even _I _have standards. But I was scheduled to receive therapy the next day, and I was a nervous wreck. Couldn't sleep for fear it was my last night alive. I learned a very valuable lesson that day."

"What lesson was that?" Bravado asked. What the hay. Let's just play along.

"If you're going to murder an annoying roommate by sabotaging a piece of equipment, make sure that the machine will be fixed before _you_ have to use it."

There was silence.

"You know what?" Bravado said. "Thank you, Sebastius."

"For what?"

"I was struggling not to feel pity for you," Bravado said. "You've just made it easy."

"Well it wasn't like they'd _fixed_ the machine yet," Sebastius said. "I apparently have built up a really high electrical tolerance as a side effect of being zapped every week for several years. If Celestia's lame-brained guards ever catch me, I hope they try to execute me by electric chair, and then I can claim double jeopardy and go free."

"Double jeopardy doesn't work that way," Bravado said. "You aren't sentenced to receive a shock from an electric chair; you're sentenced to be _killed_ by the electric chair. So they can jack the voltage higher and electrocute you as many times as are necessary until you die." He thought a bit. "Daring will get me out in the morning. Too bad I'm strapped for cash right now, or I'd love to watch your demise."

"Careful, Bravado," Sebastius Mareton said. "You're starting to sound like me."

A guard walked past at that moment and rattled the bars of the cell of the four muscular earth ponies.

"Thirty more minutes until show time," he said. "And the hornets are plenty angry."

One of the earth ponies whimpered.

"Next time you'll think twice before stealing from a temple," the guard said with a smirk.

He marched off.

Another earth pony sighed and turned to face the others.

"All right, stallions," he said. "We've had a good run. Done lots of great things. And I'm proud to know you. And now we will go down with dignity."

"I hate hornets," the earth pony who'd whimpered said. "Why couldn't we have gotten executed during the month of the plant god?"

"They would have just used a giant Venus Flytrap or something," another earth pony said. "I hate carnivorous plants."

"I hate death," the last earth pony said.

"We all do," the apparent leader said. He sighed and turned to face the cell door. "But now it's over," he whispered.

The guard came back, bringing six other guards. "Ready?" he said, unlocking the cell door.

"Ready," the earth ponies all said. They stood up and marched behind the first guard, between the other guards.

"That'll be you tomorrow," Bravado whispered to Mareton.

"I've got a whole day to live," Sebastius said. "That's plenty of time to come up with a plan to-"

"Wait! Wait!"

One of the guards turned around in surprise. A little colt dashed up the corridor and collapsed at the guard's hooves, dropping a heavy sack and panting heavily.

"That's that colt again!" Sebastius Mareton said. "That worthless, money-grubbing guide."

"That colt who sold me your artifacts," Bravado said.

"That little sneak!"

"What?" the guard asked.

"Th- the god-" the colt took a deep breath. "The g-god of… the god…"

"Here," another guard said, breaking formation and handing the colt a canteen.

The colt took a long drink. He was still having trouble breathing, but he launched into his story. "The god of lightning… has seen fit… t-to pardon these criminals, and has blessed me with… riches abundant… for their… release." He emptied the purse on the floor. Many of the coins were jangles, but many were bits.

"Those are my bits!" Bravado and Sebastius cried in unison.

All the guards broke formation to count the huge pile of coins. After some bickering, one guard said, "All the money is accounted for. The god of lightning has spoken. These criminals shall go free."

The leader of the earth pony gang rushed up to the colt and scooped him into a tight hug.

"Can I join your gang now?" the colt asked.

"Sure, sure," the leader said, nuzzling the colt affectionately. "Whatever you say, big guy." He set the colt on his shoulders. Then all the earth ponies in the gang headed for the door, escorted by two guards.

"So long suckers," the colt told Bravado and Sebastius as he passed them. "Hope you find your own luck."

The remaining four guards whispered frantically to each other. Bravado strained to hear what they were saying.

"Now what?" one said. "Those were for today's entertainment. We have ten minutes to find replacements for them."

"Do we have any other criminals?"

"Who's next on the roster?"

One guard pulled out a clipboard. He flipped a couple of pages.

"Sebastius and Bravado Mareton," he said.

The guards glanced at each other.

"All right," the guard with the clipboard said. "Get those two out there. We're on in ten."

"W-wait, what?" Bravado said, scooting back until he touched the cot. Sebastius leapt to his hooves.

The guards opened the door and came in.

"B-but you can't- I can't-" Bravado rushed to the corner.

Sebastius fell heavily to the floor. Two guards dragged him roughly out of the cell. The other two converged on Bravado.

"No!" Bravado shouted as they grabbed him with the hooves. "You can't do this now- I'll have money tomorrow, I promise!"

"Tomorrow isn't good enough," the guards said as they dragged him down the hall. "We need a show _now_."

Bravado made a token attempt to dig his hooves into the ground. As though that would delay the inevitable by more than a few seconds.

"This can't be happening," he whimpered to himself.


	10. Chapter 9: Lucky 7

Sebastius Mareton made no effort to resist the guards. All that could happen at this point was that he'd rip one of his limbs off.

Though tearing his head off wasn't the worst idea he'd had. That would spare him the pain of an infamously cruel Marabian execution.

The four guards dragged them to a dark room with metal walls. In a moment, bright florescent lights came on, causing Mareton to squint. In the center of the small room were four metal balls, each made from ten iron circles forming the longitudinal lines, and one circle representing the equator. Each ball was big enough to hold a large stallion. Like Sebastius and Bravado.

"The spheres are ready," one guard said.

"Turns out we will only have two today," one of Sebastius' escorts said.

"The prince will not be pleased."

"It's all we can do."

"Pray to Alab that the prince will not decide to use you as one of his pinballs," the guard standing by the spheres said. He grabbed Mareton's front hooves and lowered him in through the opening in the top sphere.

"Believe me," the guard said with a shudder, "I have not stopped praying since I saw our thin roster."

"Remember to aim for hole 7," the sphere attendant said. "It is the only way to survive, even if it is horrible."

Two of the guards looked sick.

"We'll be fine," one of Bravado's guards said as they stuffed the gray earth pony into another sphere. The guards pulled a bar across the biggest holes in the spheres so that a pony could no longer fit through any of the holes.

Sebastius explored his new prison. The metal ball was heavy, but he could make it roll a bit by placing his front hooves on a bar in the direction he wanted to go and leaning. If he wanted to effect his direction more than that, he'd have to run. He wasn't sure he'd be able to run.

Time to practice. Hole 7. He had to remember that. He had to survive.

Okay, so he had no idea what he'd do with his life now that he was a cripple. But he knew that nothing good lay on the other side of death. At least not for him.

But this was baffling him. He knew all the traditional execution methods that the Marabians used; he had even watched several of them performed. Yet he'd never heard of Marabians stuffing criminals in metal balls, or anything to do with holes with numbers. Marabians were nothing if not traditional, so what was happening?

"Everything is ready," one guard said. He gulped. "Show the prince in."

Two guards pulled open two doors at one end of the room. All the guards then flung themselves down on the metal floor and pressed their faces to the ground in an ultra-humble bow, even for Marabians.

Sebastius didn't bother bowing. What were they going to do? Execute him twice?

The prince was of the age when most ponies would have just earned their cutie mark, not that horses had cutie marks. Like all members of the ruling class, the prince was an unnaturally intelligent horse. Most horses were little more than beasts of burden, with a brain like any other animal's. The Marabian rulers' ancestors had been subjected to magical experiments, were hailed as children of gods, and took charge of the kingdom. They were still in power to that day.

The prince in particular had a dark brown coat like his father and a purple mane like his mother. He wore the traditional trappings of a ruler- a fancy saddle and headdress- but they were arranged carelessly. In addition, the prince had a haughty, cruel look in his eye.

"What?" the prince said. "What. Is. This?"

He didn't raise his voice, but he poured on the sarcasm.

None of the soldiers answered. They remained with their faces planted into the floor.

Finally the prince stepped on one guard's ear. "Answer the question."

The guard lifted his head with a jerk. "A-ah, the prisoners, your highness."

"I _thought_ there were going to be _four_," the prince said. "Do you doubt my competency to juggle all four?"

"No!" the guard said hastily. "No, not at all, your highness. We don't doubt your abilities at all. No."

"Then where are the other two?" the prince said, arching his eyebrows. "Can you count?"

"Yes. Yes. But, uh, Alab has decreed his will and has allowed some of the prisoners-"

"Alab, Schmalab," the prince said, rolling his eyes. He stomped around the room for a bit. "But I demand more entertainment. And where can I find entertainment, my little zebras?"

None of the guards answered. Slowly, the guard who'd been holding his head up lowered his head to the floor again.

"Up!" the prince said, grinding the zebra guard's ear under his hoof. The guard whined softly. "Get up, you worthless excuse for a guard. You. Ball. Now." He looked pointedly at the other guards, who were all lying on the floor shivering. "Eenie, meenie, miney…" he leapt on the back of a random guard, making him cry out in shock. "You also. Get going. I demand four balls."

The first guard gasped, "I have a family…"

"Couldn't care less," the prince said, stalking off the guard's back and into a corner. "Now. All of you, help them get ready. Unless you want to take their place?"

The other guards quickly scooped up their doomed comrades and hustled them into the remaining metal balls.

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'm sorry…" one guard whispered over and over.

"I understand," one of the guards said sincerely as he was lowered into one of the metal cage balls. "Please… tell my wife and son I love them."

The other guard leaned far against the bars and whispered to one of the other guards, "Hole 7?"

"Hole 7," the free guard confirmed. They nodded.

Hole 7. Hole 7. Lucky 7. Mareton needed to remember the number 7. His life depended on it.

None of this brutality was terribly shocking. What _did_ surprise him was that the prince was getting away with it. When Princess Celestia had signed a treaty with Marabia, she'd practically demanded that many forms of execution be stopped, and also generally forbade cruel and unusual punishments. How spoiled was this stupid prince that he'd somehow managed to get this through?

And… what did Hole 7 really mean?

Mareton guessed that they would be rolling around in these stupid metal balls. So maybe it was like… like those pegboard games they played at carnivals. You rolled the metal balls down, and bounced off pegs, and landed in a hole at the bottom.

Sweet merciful Celestia, Sebastius was _horrible_ at that game. How could he aim for darn Hole 7 if he had no idea why the ball decided to bounce one direction or another?

"My controls?" the prince said.

"Right this way, your highness," one guard said, leading the prince out of the room.

"Get ready to roll," another guard whispered to a guard in a metal cage. "May Alab be with you."

After a moment, one wall slid aside. The bright sunlight blinded Sebastius for a second, and he shielded his remaining eye.

"Gooooood morning, Marabia!" an overly cheerful and magically amplified voice said. It sounded like this announcer was the kind of pony who ended every sentence with at least one exclamation mark. "I'm your host Zulu, coming to you live from the Dalquen stadium to bring you this pulse-pounding round of… _princely pinball!_"

The crowd that Sebastius couldn't see went wild. Pinball? Was that what they called that pegboard game in Marabia? Sebastius had never heard the term before.

"And now, let's meet our _un_lucky contestants!"

The crowd laughed.

_ I will hunt you down one by one,_ Sebastius thought. He lowered his hoof as his eye adjusted to the light.

The stadium was huge. The members of the crowd were too far away for Sebastius to see.

As Sebastius had suspected, they were on top of a tall, steep hill made of a slanted board. What was odd was the… 'stuff' attached to the board. There were no even rows of pegs. Instead there were a few giant… mushroom-like things that looked like they were made of plastic. There were only about twelve of them, scattered around the hill. There were holes, but they were in the middle of the hill rather than at the bottom. And then there were strange flipper things that were flapping back and forth.

"First up," Zulu said, "We have the Mareton brothers, arrested for brutal murder and for being in a thief's market-"

"I didn't do anything!" Bravado shouted, but his voice was swallowed up by the huge stadium.

"-and two guards, arrested because they failed to arrest anyone to take their place!"

This was met with laughter.

"Let's review the rules for our first-time contestants!"

This was met with more laughter. Every contestant was a first-time contestant.

"The object of the game is to stay alive as long as possible, for the contestants. For our beloved prince, the object of the game is to kill off all the contestants. Obviously, the prince always wins."

_ We'll see about that._

"The balls will roll down the hill, and the prince controls the flippers to hit the balls into these holes." Blinking lights shone around the edges of the holes. "Inside each hole is a different gruesome death. Our wonderful DeathCam™ will show you their demise up close."

Mareton couldn't see any sort of screen for the camera to project its picture onto. Probably it was overhead.

"And in honor of our beloved god Alab, we have certain special features for this month. First, the lightning gates!"

Poles stuck out of the board in various locations. Bright blue electricity crackled to life, linking the poles into pairs.

Sebastius felt faint. But he wouldn't let any dismay show. He wouldn't look weak in front of Bravado.

"Second, two of our holes, chosen randomly, have had their gruesome deaths replaced with pools of electric eels!"

The guards looked at each other nervously. Sebastius could just feel himself turning paler. _Please say they didn't swap out hole number 7…_

"And finally, we have our jackpot! Every time the prince can hit the jackpot, we will give out one round of free T-shirts to the audience!" Zulu sounded way too enthusiastic. "And this month's jackpot iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis…." -somehow Zulu managed to draw the two letter word 'is' to epic lengths- "-A hive full of electric hornets!"

_ Electric hornets?!_

In the center of the playing field, a huge circle slid aside and a gigantic beehive rose into view. Large green insects buzzed around the beehive sleepily. Even from high up, Sebastius could see their stingers. They were at least two inches long and reminded him of hypodermic needles. They glowed with blue lightning.

_ Wonderful_, he thought. _Electrified needles. My doctors would have _killed _to have electrified needles. They love electricity. They love needles. With electric hornets they could have tortured us twice as effectively._

"Are you ready for action?" Zulu asked.

The crowd cheered wildly.

"I said, ARE YOU READY FOR ACTION?!"

The crowd exploded. Metaphorically, unfortunately.

"Then let's get ready to ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL!"

The floor tilted.

For some reason, Sebastius Mareton found himself praying. _Dear God, if you exist, then please save me because you love everyone unconditionally right? Or at least don't let me get electrocuted. Please?_

The balls slowly rolled forward. Sebastius scooted backwards in an attempt to make the ball stay where it was. Not that his efforts did anything more than delay the inevitable. Inch by inch, the ball slid off the edge.

The sudden change in pitch and speed caught Sebastius off guard, and he fell over as his ball hurtled down the slope. He rolled all the way down, banged up by the metal bars. Everything became a blur as he tumbled head over heels, banging into things that made dinging noises and being smacked by flippers. The only thing he knew about the game was the commentary.

"Aaaaaand they're off! Look at those balls go! The prince is racking up lots of points on those bumpers there!" Sebastius heard the sound of screaming. "Ouch! Looks like we have our first victim of the lightning poles, Guard number 2! The prince has opened the gate to the jackpot! Which lucky pony will hit it?" More screaming. "Looks like it's the younger Mareton brother! Prepare to receive your t-shirts, fans!"

Sebastius wished he could have seen that. Bravado getting attacked by electric hornets, that is. He didn't much care for t-shirts.

He smacked hard into a wall and stopped. The very first thing he did was throw up. The world was a blur around him and his head felt like it would fly off. Actually, it might.

He was resting besides one of the holes. He couldn't quite make out the number, especially when he was so dizzy, but it didn't look like the number 7. Too many curves.

He spat some vomit down the hole and saw a pillar of flame shoot up. Yikes. Better avoid that one.

First he made sure he'd emptied his stomach completely. No point in trying to hold his lunch down in a game like this.

Then, slowly and with a lot of wobbling, he pushed his ball slowly to the side. A little further and-

-the flipper activated, smacking him all the way to the top of the board. Sebastius was knocked off his hooves, but when the ball reached the crest it slowed a bit. This gave him a chance, while not to get back up, to rock himself to one side, pointing the ball more towards the hole labeled 7. Then he began to plummet downward again, trying his best to steer-

-he just barely skirted the edge of hole seven and fell straight into the next hole. The metal ball barely fit and rattled against the edges as he and the ball fell down.

The fall made him feel like all his bones had been shaken, and he started bleeding in one shoulder. He slowly got up and looked around. There was nothing at the bottom of the hole (especially no electric eels, praise Celestia) except a small pipe sticking out of the wall. However, Sebastius had been in enough ancient temples to know what a dark pit with a pipe in one wall meant. Oh dear.

"And the firstborn of the Mareton brothers shall be the first to die!" Zulu said. "Sebastius Mareton has activated death trap number 6: death by slow drowning! Take a look at that death cam, folks- but not too closely, or you might miss the rest of the action- Ooh, there goes guard number 1 down hole number 7!"

Sebastius tried to hear if the guard had screamed or not, but the gushing of water stopped him from hearing anything.

Water quickly covered the floor of the small pit. Sebastius frantically searched for the bar in the metal ball that could open and close. When he found the lose bar, it turned out to be on the top of the ball, quite fortunately. He jerked it back and forth a bit. The lock that held the bar shut looked sturdy enough, but the hinges were looking a bit rusty. This probably wasn't the first time that this particular ball had been dropped in water. He banged the bar back and forth vigorously. With a little luck it would break up.

"And there goes the youngest Mareton into the jackpot again!" Zulu was saying. "Ready for t-shirts, adoring fans?" The crowd cheered wildly.

The water rose rapidly. It was already all the way up Sebastius' back legs. But not his front legs, because those were wrapped firmly around the bar, banging it back and forth, back and forth.

"The prince nearly has a hundred thousand points!"

The water rose up his waist, and then up to his chin. Sebastius raised his head, trying to keep his nose above water. Bang, bang, bang went the bar.

"And Guard number 2 looks like he's going to join the eldest Mareton in- oh, wait, no, he fell in hole number 7 too. Too bad; that's the boring hole, don't we agree, audience?"

Wild boos ensued.

That was promising. Sebastius banged the bar back and forth some more.

The water rose above his nose. Sebastius held his breath and fought hard to pull the bar out, but it wasn't that much looser than when he'd begun. He was going to drown…

The water receded a few feet, to Sebastius' surprise. Then it came back.

Oh, right. This was death by _slow _drowning. As in, it would probably keep _almost_ drowning him until he finally died from the effort it took to get a breath.

Sebastius prepared himself for the water's return, taking a huge gulp of air quickly before the water covered him again. The metal ball prevented him from swimming upward, but he pressed his nose as high as he could make it go and kept working on the bar as best as he could. One screw popped loose.

The water was now rising and falling so fast he barely had time to breath in. He braced himself against the top of the metal ball and pushed as hard as he could. The hinges pulled slowly away from the rest of the ball. The various cuts on his legs sprang open.

"And look at that criminal die, folks! Blood in the water is a beautiful sight to see, don't you think?" Zulu said.

The crowd cheered.

The water rose over his head, and this time it just kept going higher. Sebastius yanked with all his might-

-the bar broke.

Dizzy from lack of oxygen, Sebastius frantically swam to the surface. The water was now high enough that he could get out of the hole by bracing all his legs against the sides and grabbing the edge of a bumper with his mouth to pull himself out. He dragged himself out and flopped on the ground, exhausted.

"D-did you just see that? I don't believe it folks, _I don't believe it_. Sebastius Mareton has escaped. Yes, folks, _somehow_ he has escaped!"

The crowd went wild. Go figure.

Sebastius knew he couldn't stay. He staggered to his feet and loped dizzily towards hole seven. He tried to look down.

"Ooh, the prince isn't having any escapees," Zulu said. "He lines up the shot, aaaaaaaaand…"

The sound of a flipper striking a ball met Sebastius' ears. He turned around and saw Bravado's metal ball hurtling towards him. He turned and leapt down hole number 7, plunging towards freedom-

-and gasped.

The bottom of hole 7 was covered with very long spikes.

The bodies and balls of the two guards were each to one side, both of them impaled on the sharp points. That was Mareton's only comfort as he was stuck full of needles on his landing. Bravado's ball landed on top of him and pushed him further down the spikes. Then Bravado screamed as he, too, was treated to a nice and spiky death.

Like all the other times he'd died, Sebastius Mareton was still in terrible pain as he slowly slid downward, with spikes stuck in his chest, stomach, legs, and even one in his head, shooting from his chin out one nostril. It was agonizing.

"And the prince is four for four on hole number 7," Zulu said. "That's all, folks. Join us next week, same time, for another exciting episode of _Princely Pinball!_"


	11. Chapter 10: Reaper

Bravado was attempting to scream.

There were spikes sticking into him _everywhere_. There was even a spike in his _eye_. Augh!

This wasn't fair! You were supposed to _stop_ feeling pain when you died! Why did it hurt so much? _Oh sweet Celestia_…

_ Come to me, Bravado_.

Huh? Bravado tried to look behind him. It was like there was a small, soft voice in his head… and yet at the same time it sounded so far away.

_ Come to me._

Bravado felt his pain grow fainter.

_ Come. Come. I've been waiting for you_.

Bravado could move again. He pushed himself off of the spikes and floated up into the air, giving a cry of delight as he did. It felt sort of like he was shedding a piece of too-tight clothing, but better. Every last bit of pain was gone and he felt light as a feather.

Then he saw his body still impaled with spikes.

He felt like he was going to throw up. Sweet Celestia, there was so much blood. He looked horrible.

And if his body was on the ground…

…then he was dead.

A small whooshing noise made him turn around. Sebastius fluttered up above his body. He was white and translucent, and his hooves- actually, his whole legs- were gone. Well, not exactly gone. They'd just turned into wisps of a smoky white substance trailing from his body. He was very small- about the size of a hamster.

Bravado looked down and saw the same white smoke trailing down from him. And he also appeared to be the size of a hamster.

"Well." Sebatius Mareton looked around. "This has never happened before."

"What hasn't?" Bravado asked.

"I've never done the out-of-body experience thing," Sebastius said, sounding puzzled. "I mean, all the other times I died, I just lay where I was until Swinn and Dell brought me back."

"Well, maybe because they aren't here to bring you back this time?" Bravado said. He was floating around, trying to get used to this new form. It almost felt like he was swimming through the air, except that movement was completely effortless.

"You look like a fish," Sebastius Mareton said. "With little rippling fins." He waved his smoke trails around a bit. "Like this.

His legs did look like the fins on a fish- that is, the long frills on the top and bottom of some fish, not the fins on the side that actually wave around to propel.

"I don't get it," Bravado said. "Where are the guards?"

"Don't tell me you believe in angels," Sebastius scoffed.

"I mean the guards who died with us." Bravado flicked a wisp of smoke towards the bodies of the two Marabian guards, still stuck to the spike. "Why haven't they followed us?"

"Because this is not their journey to make."

At this new voice, Sebastius and Bravado whirled around. Behind them was another ghost, his smoky trails rippling softly. He smiled at them. Bravado couldn't be sure, since he had no colors and looked older and more tired than the pictures, but…

"Dad?" he and Sebastius whispered at the same time.

"My sons," Rodolphus Mareton said, hovering close and nuzzling first Sebastius, then Bravado. It felt nice, but a little weird- a bit like a breeze had blown past Bravado's face.

Rodolphus pulled back a bit after nuzzling Bravado. "I… understand you were upset to… to learn that you were related to Sebastius," he said, his voice catching a bit. "I hope… you weren't upset to learn about… me?"

Bravado pulled Rodolphus into a hug. "No. No, I'm sorry. I couldn't see… I didn't know…"

"You're not going to start _crying_, are you?" Sebastius said, his voice loaded with disapproval.

Bravado ignored him.

"Mom still talks about you," he said. "She misses you, and wishes she hadn't…" Bravado struggled not to cry. Not in front of Sebastius.

"My precious, precious Ruby," Rodolphus said with a sigh. "I hope she doesn't blame herself. I don't blame _her_…"

"I do," Sebastius Mareton said. "I blame her for everything. If she had just _shut up_ about those _stupid_ mental institutes she wanted to ship me off to…"

"She only wanted to cure you," Rodolphus said, spinning lazily around to face Sebastius.

"Uh huh," Sebastius said. "Do you have any _idea_ what they did to me in those places? Me? A little colt?"

"I saw," Rodolphus said, tears in his eyes. "I saw."

"And you _still_ love your precious, precious Ruby," Sebastius said. "Even after all her efforts to get me in that place, even after you witnessed the horrible tortures-"

"We just want you to be healthy," Rodolphus said. "That's all we ever wanted. We wanted you to know right from wrong, to… to love. To find a relationship with the God who loves you."

"Speaking of which," Sebastius said, "how's the afterlife treating you? Were you right about heaven and hell after all?"

"I _am_ right, Sebastius," Rodolphus said grimly.

"Too bad," Sebastius said, shrugging. "I'd sorta prefer fading to nothingness to eternal torment by fire and brimstone." He sounded oddly nonchalant, but was also a bit shaky.

"There's really a hell?" Bravado said, stunned.

Rodolphus floated in a circle and faced Bravado again. "Didn't… didn't Ruby Rust teach you about this?"

Of course Ruby Rust was a devout Christian and had raised Bravado to be a Christian, but when Bravado got out of the house and started thinking for himself the whole thing seemed more and more ridiculous. He'd never officially _stopped _being a Christian but when he visited his mom one time, he realized how different they were, and how Ruby Rust's faith just wasn't for him. He just didn't have enough belief.

That was part of the reason he never visited his mother any more. She was convinced that he was going to die and go to hell any minute and considered it her mission to make sure his soul was ready. (Although, given his profession, it hadn't been entirely unreasonable to assume that he was going to die young. She'd turned out to be right about that.)

"I just…" Bravado gulped. "I-I thought it sounded silly." He quickly reviewed what he remembered about the Christian God. "But, hey, I've lived a great life. I've saved Equestria multiple times and I help ponies all the time and I-"

Tears streamed down Rodolphus' cheeks, and he hugged Bravado tightly.

As though he expected to never see him again.

"Oh, Cornelius Bravado Mareton," Rodolphus sighed, "it's not about the good you do. You know that you've sinned. You know it. And how can God forgive you if you've never asked?"

Bravado felt cold. "W-wait, I'm not nearly as bad as Sebastius! Don't tell me we're going to the same place!"

"You're both headed for hell," Rodolphus said with a shudder. "Maybe you won't receive the same punishment, but- but-" he turned away from both of them. "I-I have to leave you now," he whispered, fading away.

Bravado stared at the spot the ghost of his father used to be. He was too stunned to move.

No, he couldn't go to hell! He couldn't! He wouldn't!

Bravado struggled not to break down crying. He was dead. It was all over. There was no more escape. There was only hell.

_ Please, God, please!_

Suddenly the air felt cooler. The two Mareton brothers turned around, driven by some instinct, and saw another pony ghost. This one was wearing a black cloak and carrying a scythe.

The cloak snickered. "Hey, Sebastius!"

Sebastius Mareton turned pale and backed away. "No- no-" he muttered.

The pony threw its hood back. It was another earth pony stallion, like Rodolphus Mareton, but there the similarities ended. Rodolphus had had a slight build, a gorgeous long mane, and a handsome face. This earth pony was huge and bulky with a short, spiky mane and a hideous, wicked grin.

"Hey, Sebastius!" he repeated, swinging his scythe back and forth. "Guess who gets to be your reaper?"

Sebastius and Bravado fled.

They soared up the edge of the hole and took off across the deserted pinball field. They kept climbing into the sky, so that by the time they reached the edge of the stadium they were in the clouds.

"Who was that pony?" Bravado asked. Normally he wouldn't be trying to talk while running for his life, but he wasn't at all out of breath from flying. His speech did not seemed to be linked to his exertion anymore.

Sebastius' eyes were wild with fear. "It's Winchester Tock!"

"Who?"

"The explorer who murdered our father!"

Bravado looked over his shoulder. Winchester's scythe was about two feet away from their tails.

"You idiots," Winchester snarled. "You think you can get away from me? I've been doing this for _much_ longer than you!"

"He's right," Sebastius whispered in Bravado's ear. "When I count to three, soar straight up. Okay? One, two, three!"

Sebastius and Bravado both dived downward.

"You didn't listen!" Sebastius said.

"You weren't trying to help me escape Winchester Tock," Bravado hissed. "You just wanted him to know what my next move was going to be so that he could follow _me_ instead of _you_."

"You should be willing to take a fall for me," Sebastius whined. "Isn't that what brothers are for?"

"I don't think it would work anyway," Bravado said. "I think he's only after _you_."

"You think?" Sebastius said.

"You bet, you creepy little colt," Winchester snarled. "You know I can hear you, right? But why would I care about little Cornelius? I hardly knew him. Whereas _you_…"

"What did you do?" Bravado asked.

"W-well, you know I said I watched my dad getting stabbed to death back when I was seven?" Sebastius said as the two of them streaked above the rooftops of Marabia.

"Uh-huh."

"Winchester didn't exactly want any witness," Sebastius said. "And I sorta didn't want him to leave no witnesses, given the circumstances, so I sorta-kinda stabbed him to death with his own knife."

"What?" Bravado turned around to face Winchester, flying backwards. It didn't really matter what direction he pointed; he passed through solid matter anyways, and he flew backward just as fast as forward. "You mean a daring explorer like you got killed by a seven year old colt?"

Winchester scowled. "Not just any seven-year old," he said. "Still, you understand why I can't stand the kid."

"I'm, like, thirty you know," Sebastius said. "Considering when you died, I'm only about a decade younger than you."

"It doesn't work that way," Winchester said. "You'll always be that little seven year old. Why do you think I'm bigger than you?"

Bravado hadn't really thought about it. He'd just assumed it was because Winchester was heavily muscled, but come to think of it, Bravado and Sebastius were also unusually large and muscular. There wasn't any better explanation for why Winchester towered over the two of them.

"Anyway, my quarrel is with your brother, not you," Winchester said to Bravado. "So be a good boy and trip Sebastius for me, will you?"

Sebastius scooted to one side. "There's no way I'm going to-"

Winchester Tock flung his black cloak at Sebastius. In midair, it transformed into a net of thick black strings with black rocks tied to the ends to weigh it down.

Sebastius tried to duck, but the net wrapped itself around him. The black objects that Bravado had assumed were weights didn't seem to obey normal laws of gravity; they pulled in all different directions, preventing Sebastius from flying away. He jerked around wildly.

One of the weights smacked against Bravado. The string wrapped around his neck. It didn't choke him and wasn't painful, but it pulled him to a stop nonetheless.

Winchester Tock examined them grimly. He circled them slowly, then stopped to stare at Sebastius, whose thrashing was growing weaker and weaker.

"The boss told me to bring your soul back," Winchester said with a shrug.

Then he grinned wickedly and swung his scythe in an arc in the sky. "Of course, he didn't say your soul had to be in one piece."

He reared up on his hind legs and slashed the scythe through Sebastius Mareton, from the top of his head to his stomach, cleaving him in two. The scythe passed straight through the net as though it wasn't there, but when it reached Sebastius it started moving agonizingly slow, like sand in an hourglass, and made a high pitched whine. The scythe didn't seem to be leaving a mark, almost as though the scythe were just an illusion. But judging from Sebastius' reaction, it didn't _feel_ like an illusion. Sebatius screamed and writhed in pain- so much that Bravado felt embarrassed for him.

Finally the scythe finished its journey, and Winchester brought it back for another swing.

Sebastius fell to the ground, clearly too weak to stand or float back into the air.

"Having fun yet?" Winchester Tock slashed the scythe through Sebastius again, this time holding the scythe parallel to the ground and slashing through Sebastius' body.

At the end of the swing, the blade nicked Bravado's cheek. Bravado gasped with shock and pressed a wisp of smoke to the spot. There was no mark, but there was also no doubt in his mind where the scythe had hit him. It felt icy- ice so intense it crossed the line twice, from feeling like fire right back to feeling cold. It was impossibly cold.

It also made everything around the mark ache horribly. That ache slowly spread across his face and down his neck. When the pain reached his legs (or where his legs used to be), Bravado crouched to the ground instinctively. All from one little cut. Bravado did not envy Sebastius one bit. He almost felt sorry for him.

Winchester had slashed at Sebastius Mareton a couple more times. Sebastius had started crying- choking sobs mixed with screams.

"Had enough?" Winchester asked. He sliced his scythe through Sebastius' head.

"M-m-mercy," Sebastius sobbed, slowly folding two wisps of smoke into a pleading position. "Please. Please."

Winchester Tock scowled at Sebastius for a few seconds. Then he broke into a huge grin.

"You know what I like about mercy?" He lifted his scythe again. "I like that I don't have to show any."

Bravado stopped watching. He turned away and put two wisps of smoke resolutely into his ears.

He was in enough pain as it was. No point in sticking out his neck to help Sebastius. That jerk wouldn't even be grateful, even if intervention did work, which it wouldn't.

No. He'd just lie here and hope that Winchester was only interesting in avenging himself. Sebastius deserved everything that was happening to him.

His screams were kind of hard to block out, though. They got louder and clearer.

Eventually Bravado realized the reason the screams were getting louder: the wisps of smoke in his ears were fading away.

He quickly checked the rest of himself. The other wisps of smoke were fading fast. Slowly, his body began to dissolve.

Sebastius Mareton was likewise starting to disintegrate. Winchester wasn't.

Bravado screamed in spite of himself. What was happening? Was this the part where he died for real?

Winchester jerked the scythe out of Sebastius with a rapidity that made Sebastius shriek. The earth pony turned grim reaper looked at Sebastius in shock.

"No, it can't be!" he said. "How did this happen?"

Bravado's senses started blurring, but he could make out Winchester flinging his scythe down in anger.

"You can't do this to me!" he was shouting. "I've hardly even _begun!_"

Then, for a few moments, everything was black. The pain from the scythe mark faded quickly until it was gone.

Feeling slowly returned. Bravado had his legs back.

They were strapped down, holding him in a splayed-out position.

"Wh-where am I?" he said, his voice sounding strange in the eerie silence.

A hoarse whisper in his ear answered him:

"Hell."


	12. Chapter 11: Burial Rights

Daring Do counted the pile of coins one last time, hoping she was doing her math right. The exchange rate between jangles and bits changed so frequently that she worried she wouldn't have enough.

She wished Okpono was here. That math professor could probably do the whole problem just by glancing at the stack.

"Come on, Daring," Storm Talon said. "If we don't get a (censored) move on, then it won't matter how many (censored) bits we have because Bravado will be dead as a (censored)."

"I just hope they didn't up the bail count or anything," Daring said as the two of them exited the house of Bravado's friend. "Okay, girls. We're going to have to fly to keep ahead of the crowd. Can you manage that?"

Desert Flower looked worried and fluttered her wings slightly.

"Desert Flower isn't a very strong flier," Sandstorm said. "She can't go too fast."

"Okay," Daring said, shrugging. "Storm Talon, if Desert Flower falls behind, will you stay with her?"

"I know my limitations," Storm Talon said. "You just want to stick the slow fliers together."

"I didn't mean-"

"Shut the (censored) up, Daring," Storm Talon said. "I'm a (censored) old geezer with a (censored) prosthetic wing. I'm lucky to get my (censored) in the air. But you'd better get flying or you'll be late. I'll take care of the girls."

"Right." Daring Do launched into the air, the bag of bits strapped firmly to one side. She cruised above the bustling streets of Marabia to the prison theater, checking the clock tower as she flew past. She had a good half-hour to get there before they even let the audience in.

She hadn't had much chance to stretch her wings during this trip, so she flew a few loop-the-loops on the way. She'd need all her skills once they finally reached the Temple of Ko-mara.

"Hey- Daring Do!"

"Down here! Daring!"

"Please come to the aid of fellow explorers!"

Daring Do faltered and tumbled out of her loop. She struggle to right herself. Once that was done she rolled her eyes, recognizing the voices. Swinn and Dell. What did they want?

"Daring!"

"Daring Do!"

"Please don't abandon us in this strange country where everypony is a thief and nopony speaks Equestrian!"

"Please!"

Daring sighed and descended. She'd knocked a few feathers out of position from that ruined loop anyway.

Swinn and Dell were crouched on a street corner, doing their best to look pitiful.

Daring landed in front of them and turned to nose her feathers back into place. "What do you want?" she said.

"Safe passage to Equestria," either Swinn or Dell said. Daring wasn't sure and it didn't matter.

"We're sick of this country."

"Too many creeps."

"Like Sebastius."

"And that weirdo doctor."

"And that bratty colt."

"And we just want to get home where there are normal doctors so we can get our horns back!"

Daring stopped preening and whipped her head around to stare at the girls. "What?"

Sure enough, neither had a horn on her forehead.

"You know those don't grow back!" Daring Do said.

"Don't worry about it," Swinn said. "Just help us get back to Equestria and we'll be fine."

Daring glanced at a window display of clocks to check the time.

"I'd love to help, but I have to fly," she said. "If you want to follow me then I'll see about getting you on a train bound for home."

"Hooray!" Dell said. "We owe you one, Daring."

Daring Do launched into the air, not bothering to check if the SwinnDell sisters were following her. The two girls had been little more than a minor nuisance to her most of the time, but other times… well, she didn't feel too charitable towards them.

She picked up her speed, no longer flying at the leisurely pace she'd been using before. She couldn't take Bravado's life for granted. He'd probably appreciate it if she didn't wait until the last minute. She could only imagine how much he'd be shaking, facing the prospect of a Marabian execution.

Finally she made it to the prison. She landed by one door and ran up to the soldier guarding it.

"I'd like to pay for the freedom of one of the prisoners," she said, panting slightly.

"Hold on a moment." The guard entered the building and left Daring outside.

A few minutes later, Swinn and Dell ran up to her.

"Gee," Dell panted, "you flew really, really, _really_ fast."

"Water costs too much in this country," Swinn half-whined.

Daring Do sighed. She hoped she wouldn't have to babysit these girls for too long.

"Hey, Daring!" Sandstorm landed besides them. "Who are these girls?"

"Ooh, cute kid," Dell cooed.

Sandstorm backed off, her eyes wide with fright. "Is she safe?"

"They probably won't hurt you unless they'd somehow get paid for it," Daring Do said. "And they're lousy fighters, so you'll be fine as long as you're with me."

"Hey!" Swinn said. "I resent that notion!"

"Where are Storm Talon and Desert Flower?" Daring Do asked Sandstorm.

The young pegasus gestured over her shoulder. "Just a little behind. See them?"

The griffin and the filly descended and landed besides Daring. Desert Flower was curled up on Storm Talon's back, clinging to a few neck feathers with her front hooves.

"Awww, that's too precious!" Dell shrieked when she saw the little pegasus.

"Daring?" Storm Talon said. "What are these (censored) girls-" he did a double take. "What happened to their horns?"

"Sebastius happened," Swinn said. "We don't want to talk about it."

A genuine look of concern crossed Storm Talon's face. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don't worry," Dell said. "We still have them." She fished her horn out of her saddlebag. "How hard can it be to reattach a horn?"

"Very hard," Daring Do said. "Only the best surgeons understand the art."

"And their services aren't exactly cheap," Storm Talon said.

Swinn and Dell looked devastated.

"Which prisoner are you looking for?"

Daring turned around to find the guard had returned, bringing a harried-looking unicorn along with him. The unicorn was suspending a dozen record books in the air besides him using lavender telekinesis.

"Bravado Mareton," Daring Do said, hoping Bravado would forgive her for using that name.

The unicorn moved a book in front of his face and opened it. He flicked the pages dully.

Then he gasped. All the books collapsed to the ground in a huge pile, and the unicorn leapt behind it.

"What?" Daring Do and Storm Talon said, leaning close.

The books leapt into the air and rearranged themselves into a fortress. The guard took a look at Storm Talon, gulped, then leapt behind the wall with the unicorn.

"What?" Storm Talon demanded.

A single book slid aside, leaving a hole through which the unicorn peeped.

"The prisoners scheduled for yesterday's execution were declared not guilty by the gods and were released," he said. "The Mareton brothers, Sebastius and Bravado, were next in line, so we executed them yesterday."

"What?!" Daring Do said.

"By 'we', I mean the other guards, not me," the unicorn squeaked out hastily.

"Or me," said the guard hiding in the book fort. "I didn't help!"

"You (censored) cowards!" Storm Talon screamed in the way only griffins can. The two ponies whimpered. Storm Talon slashed at the books, tearing off a number of covers.

"Storm Talon, stop," Daring Do said. Her voice shook a little. "That won't bring Bravado back."

Storm Talon banged his head against the wall of books and left it there, staring at the ground.

Daring Do turned away from the prison. Tears teased the corners of her eyes.

It was hardly the first time that Daring Do had lost a pony close to her. The reality of her job was that everypony she brought along was in mortal danger. Usually she could keep them safe.

Sometimes she couldn't.

Daring Do wiped her eyes and turned around, knocking on the side of the book fort. "C-could we at least have his body so we can bury him in his hometown?"

One of the books slid aside cautiously so that the unicorn and the guard could peer cautiously at Daring Do. "There's nothing left to bury."

"Stupid Marabians!" Storm Talon screeched, causing the unicorn to slam the book back into place.

"Can we go now?" Sandstorm whispered.

The two pegasi sisters were glancing anxiously the guards, the barbed wire, and the cannons.

Daring Do turned away and stared at the wall, taking a moment to compose herself.

Then she whirled around and flew over the walls of the book fort. The unicorn screamed and the guard ducked.

"This is the month of the lightning god," Daring Do said. "You execute criminals using electric hornets in this month. So don't tell me there's nothing left to bury. Tell me _the truth_." She glared at both of them.

"Okay, okay!" the guard said, waving his hooves over his head. He slowly stood up. "The truth is, usually nopony cares to bury the criminals properly. There's this doctor who likes to take the dead bodies for his experiments, so we just sell their corpses to him."

There was a pause.

"Uh oh," Dell whispered.

Daring Do rose above the book fort and landed in front of Dell. "Uh oh what?"

"I think I know where Bravado is…"


	13. Chapter 12: Eternal Torment

Sebastius slowly came to. At first he thought he'd gone numb.

Then he realized that his numb feeling was really the most beautiful feeling known to ponykind: _the absence of pain_.

This realization made Sebastius giddy for a few seconds. For the past two days he'd been in terrible pain with each new resurrection, and the last ten minutes of his, well, afterlife subject to Winchester's torture had been more agonizing than anything he'd ever experienced. Ever.

The sensation almost made him cry for joy, but he checked himself and settled for weak, relieved laughter. His second eye had even started working again.

Only after he tried to move his legs did he realize something was wrong.

He was strapped down to a board. His hooves and neck had bands around them, holding him in a splayed out position. The board was propped up to hold him upright, but supports beneath his hind hooves prevented him from being crucified.

This was feeling horrifyingly familiar…

Then a bright white light came on, illuminating the room. Sebastius was strapped to a stretcher, facing a wall lined with hypodermic needles, and a pony in a white doctor's coat stood in the doorway.

The shock made Sebastius scream. No, he couldn't be back in the sanitarium! He just couldn't be! He wasn't sure he could stand it again-

"Sorry about that," the pony in the white doctor's coat said. The lights dimmed.

Sebastius laughed weakly again. That was silly. Of course he wasn't in a sanitarium. Why would he be in a sanitarium?

"At any rate, glad to see that I was successful yet again." The doctor came closer to Sebsatius, who gasped.

It was Doctor Zerato.

"Do your moods usually swing this violently?" Doctor Zerato asked, leaning closer to study Sebastius' face. "I mean, first you're relieved, then you scream, then you laugh, and now, dear me, how _pale_ you look. Like you've seen a ghost!"

Why, yes, he had. Two of them. Both of ponies he'd murdered.

If Nagridge's ghost showed up Sebastius was sure he'd just have a heart attack and drop dead.

"Oh, right," Doctor Zerato said, sighing heavily and rolling his eyes. "I suppose an earth pony might refer to me as a ghost. Honestly, did you really expect that killing _me _would be effective? I'm an immortal alicorn." He unfurled his wings and shook them a bit.

Suddenly Bravado laughed. "Oh, I see, you mean I'm in hell _figuratively_, not _literally_."

"Neither one," Doctor Zerato said, looking offended. "I hope you understand I'm not very vengeful by nature, so despite the fact that you two brothers murdered me-"

"I didn't do anything!" Bravado shouted.

"I harbor no feelings of ill will," Doctor Zerato said. "In fact, I intend to give you the opportunity of a lifetime."

Using telekinesis, Doctor Zerato pulled down a slideboard picture. It showed a pony much like Celestia, drawn in a medical diagram that showed measurements for wings, legs, horn, head size, and more. The main difference between the pony in the picture and Celestia was that the picture had griffin talons.

"I am not merely dabbling in the nature of life and death to satisfy my own curiosity or to benefit only me or my own," Doctor Zerato said. "I have a much loftier goal. I intend to transform the entire equine race to maximize their supremacy. For as we all know, while horned equines in _general_ are more powerful than the other races in _general_, there are a large number of horned equines that, through accident of birth, are unable to make full use of their potential, and many members of lesser races who, through a matter of luck, manage to excel above the skills of many horned equines. I intend to fix this problem."

"Oh, sure," Sebastius said. "It's _luck_ that allowed me to slay you without getting a scratch from you in retaliation."

"Hold your tongue or I will hold it for you!" Doctor Zerato snapped.

"Oh, sure," Sebastius said again. "Because there's no better way to prove that you horn heads are better than us earth ponies than for a 'horned equine' to beat up an earth pony who is strapped to a stretcher. I am in _awe_ of the power you hold over me. You know full well that the only reason I'm not breaking every bone in your body right now is because you attacked me _while I was dead_. La-ame. Next you'll be telling me that Deborah Nagridge only died at my hooves becaaauuu…"

Sebastius found his mouth held open by telekinesis.

"I told you to hold your tongue," Doctor Zerato said, levitating a scapula over to Sebastius' mouth, "or _I_ would hold it _for you_."

The scapula came to rest on Sebastius' tongue. Sebastius managed to restrain himself from screaming. No need risk driving that blade any further into his flesh.

"Do I have to actually do so, or can I rely on you to keep your comments to yourself from now on?" Doctor Zerato asked.

Sebastius couldn't reply. His head was being held still with telekinesis and he had no intention of moving his tongue as long as the scapula blade was touching it.

After a moment, Doctor Zerato removed the scapula and stopped holding Sebastius' head. "You're very intelligent. I think I can trust you," he said.

Sebastius nodded vigorously. Know when to fold 'em.

"Anyways." Doctor Zerato turned back to his diagram. "As you can see, my supreme being would have the head of the horned equine that I set out to improve, along with several modifications so that the brain and horn are housed in the optimal body. The main body and legs will come from a horse so as to maximize the strength, with griffin talons instead of hooves to improve attacking and picking up objects without telekinesis if this becomes necessary to conserve energy or for other reasons. The wings will be those of a pegasus- which you may question, seeing as these wings are too small for a horse body, but I've come to the conclusion that these wings are more conducive to magic than griffin wings, which, soon as I discover the way to improve horned equine magic, will cause the pegasi wings to perform better than griffin wings." He pulled the handle at the bottom of the picture, and it slid back up into the ceiling. "Any questions?"

There was an anxious pause. Then one of the guards cleared his throat.

Right, Sebastius had forgotten about the two guards who'd died with them. It was easy to forget them because they hadn't turned into ghosts. For some reason. But both of the guards were with them now, strapped down just like him and Bravado. One of them must have been the pony Bravado had been talking to.

"If that's your plan," the guard whispered, "then… why do you need us?"

That was true. None of the parts of the alicorn-esque creature Doctor Zerato had dreamed up came from earth ponies or earth zebras. What _did_ he want with the four of them?

"Various purposes," Doctor Zerato said, shrugging. "I mostly use your species for minor experiments because earth equines are inferior to, well, _everything_." Doctor Zerato rolled his eyes heavily. "I mean, I suppose I ought to give you more respect, since you are the link between non-sentient horses and sentient unicorns, but seriously, you traded the impressive strength of horses to gain an intellect that is of virtually no value because it's so… _pathetic!_"

Sebastius gritted his teeth together. _He's trying to rile me up on purpose!_

But no. The doctor was wrong. Sebastius was the superior one. And he would get his revenge eventually, he swore. But rushing things would not help.

He would watch and wait. Yes, he would watch and wait. He would lay his plans until they were foolproof. And then- oh, then- this doctor would regret the day he'd crossed Sebastius Mareton!

"In fact, how about I introduce you to some of your friends right now?"

The four stretchers were telekinetically wheeled into the next room.

The room was completely dark. When the door closed behind them, Sebastius could see nothing.

The doctor growled. "What idiot turned off the lights?" His horn began to glow with a faint light.

The light revealed a pony leering at Sebastius.

Sebastius gasped slightly. And then nearly screamed.

The pony had eight legs.

The creature gripped the sides of Sebastius' stretcher by means of two griffon talons per hoof. He scuttled up over Sebastius' head and slashed at Doctor Zerato with one taloned hoof.

Doctor Zerato ducked under the swipe and blocked with his own claws. Both of his forehooves were occupied in blocking. Two more of the freak pony's clawed legs slashed at Doctor Zerato, but they were shorter and couldn't reach the surgeon. Sebastius thought they might be foal's legs.

"Aureli?" Doctor Zerato asked.

Another pony loomed out of the dark. At first Sebastius thought it was a headless zebra, because of the lousy light, but he soon realized he was wrong. It was a zebra with a ridiculously long neck; the head was way up by the ceiling.

Then he felt a bit pale when he realized the neck was striped.

Not striped like regular zebra stripes. Striped with bands of color. Some of the bands were typical pony colors- red, blue, pink, etc. Other bands had stripes. Others had feathers. One even had scales.

It was a neck made from many different necks.

Sebastius wondered how many ponies the surgeon would have had to have beheaded to make a neck that long. Not to mention griffons and dragons.

"Aureli!" Doctor Zerato said again. His horn glowed brighter. Then, in a flash, the multi-legged pony and the long-necked pony vanished.

"Aureli, get in here at once!" Doctor Zerato said, pressing a button on the wall. The room flooded with florescent light, revealing several ponies and zebras and griffins leaning against the wall strapped to stretchers and a few huge cages. Two of the cages contained the eight legged pony and the long necked pony, although the latter had a hole cut in the top of his cage for his neck. The other cages contained similar monstrosities, including one griffin with, apparently, no legs or wings. That was probably where Doctor Zerato had gotten his claws and wings.

"Aureli!" Doctor Zerato called once more. He scooted the four new stretchers into a blank space on the wall, then left the room.

All was quiet for a moment. The various prior victims of the doctor were eying Sebastius and the others intently. So far as Sebastius could tell, all of them were male.

Bravado gasped. "Azure Lightning!"

A brown pegasus leaning against one wall stirred. "Bravado? W-what are you doing here?"

"Er, funny story because, actually, I came to Marabia looking for you…" Bravado smiled sheepishly. "I guess I found you."

"I… I'm so sorry," Azure Lightning whispered.

"It's not your fault," Bravado said.

"Well technically you wouldn't have been in Marabia at all if Azure Lightning hadn't been stupid enough to get captured and, technically, you wouldn't have gotten involved with those girls if you hadn't had your own reasons to find the Surgeon, and-"

"Shut up, Sebastius."

Sebastius smirked.

Okay, gallows humor over. Time to plan his escape.

He wiggled around a bit to test the straps. They seemed pretty firm… for now, but he had no doubt they'd wear out if he constantly jerked them around. Leather wasn't meant for perpetual stress.

Though something curious was that his legs still felt pain in all their old places. It was hardly a prickle compared to all the various ways he'd been injured recently, but it was still there. And it would be enough to decrease his agility. That would be annoying. He hoped it wasn't permanent.

"The Surgeon doesn't keep us strapped to stretchers all the time, does he?" Sebastius said. "Or does his miracle tonic cure the call of nature?"

"He lets us out one at a time, twice a day," a random pony said. "And feeds us about as often."

Sebastius hadn't realized how hungry he was. It was stupid to feel hunger at a time like this, but he hadn't really eaten well these past two days, and what little he'd eaten recently had all been lost during that stupid princely pinball game. Urgh. Just thinking about it made him feel ill again.

"When does he bring the food?"

"Dunno. We don't really have the sun to tell time by."

"Is it still the month of Alab?" another pony asked. He was slightly out of Sebastius' range of vision; he looked like a zebra.

"Yes," Bravado said.

"Wh-what…" one of the guards who'd come with Sebastius started. He swallowed hard. "What will he…?" He couldn't finish.

There was silence.

"It depends," the pony out of Sebastius' vision said. "It just… depends."

A winged zebra started crying softly.

"Oh, sheesh," Sebastius said.

"Shut it," Bravado hissed.

"I w-want to go home," the winged zebra sobbed. "I-I just want…"

The door banged open, and Doctor Zerato strode back into the room. Behind him was an unusually small female abada with very beautiful eyes.

Ah, thought Sebastius. This would be Aureli. "Bright Eyes" in Marabian.

"Now to begin preliminary measurements," Doctor Zerato said. He pulled out a tray filled with papers, measuring tapes, and four scalpels. "Who is first? Oh, Maretons, please stop struggling against your bonds." He reached a hoof out to steady Sebastius's foreleg. "Your wounds will have dried in a day or two, but until then they'll still be weak. I don't really desire to have you injured. Except on my terms, of course. So, where was I?"

He turned to one of the new guards. The guard shivered.

"You'll do," Doctor Zerato said, levitating a quill and a measuring tape into the air.

The tape measure wrapped itself around the guard rapidly, measuring his foreleg span, his hindleg span, his height, the circumference of various round body parts such as legs and necks, and much more. Watching the tape flail about made Sebastius feel dizzy.

The quill moved just as fast, scribbling across the paper. Doctor Zerato didn't seem to be looking at either the measuring tape or the words he was writing.

Show off.

"There," Doctor Zerato said. "I'm done."

The tape fell to the floor. The guard sagged with relief.

"With the outside." Doctor Zerato levitated a scapula over.

Aureli screamed.

"Can't you finish with the others first?" she whimpered.

"You have such a weak stomach," Doctor Zerato scowled. "But fine. I suppose I ought to avoid upsetting you too early."

The measuring tape attacked the second guard, and then Bravado.

Sebastius made a grab at the measuring tape when it was his turn. He was pretty good with a rope and might have been able to lasso a knife from one of the tables over to himself. But the tape eluded his grip.

"Don't squirm," Doctor Zerato said, "or I'll have to start over."

"No you won't," Sebastius said. "Why would you? That's-"

"Will you be quiet or must I make you?" Doctor Zerato asked.

Sebastius snapped his mouth shut. Don't tempt ponies holding scalpels when you are strapped to an operating table, he reminded himself.

"All right," Doctor Zerato said, levitating said scalpel into the air. "Time to check out what's on the inside."

He moved toward Sebastius.

"Wait, what?" Sebastius said, flattening himself against the stretcher. Forget being quiet. This was more important. "D-don't you have some sort of anesthesia or something? For all that's equine-"

Doctor Zerato smirked. "You don't need anesthesia. I'm going to slit your throat."

"That won't help anything!" Sebastius screamed.

"Don't be stupid," Doctor Zerato said, laying the blade across Sebastius' throat.

"But it'll still hurt!"

That last sentence had come from Bravado. Sebastius had no intention of talking while anything sharp was pressing into his throat.

Doctor Zerato looked at Bravado, amused. "You mean to tell me that you believe… that you still feel pain when you're dead?" He laughed out loud. "I knew Equestrians had weird religions, but that has to be the weirdest I've heard yet!"

"It doesn't hurt, really," Azure Lightning said. "Believe me, I've been dissected about… seven times?"

"Eight," a pony Sebastius couldn't see said.

"And it hurts a bit when he cuts your throat, but other than that, it's just like going to sleep," Azure Lightning said. "Don't worry."

"No it isn't!" Sebastius said. The doctor had absentmindedly let the blade slide aside when he'd laughed. "I've died three times and all three times all that happened was that I could no longer move. All my senses still worked. Really!"

"Maybe it's a family curse?" one of the guards next to Bravado said uncertainly.

"That makes no sense whatsoever!" Doctor Zerato said. "Do you expect me to believe that?"

"It's true!" Bravado said. "It happened to me too!"

Clearly, Bravado had decided that he would stand with Sebastius now to save his own skin.

"Really?" Doctor Zerato said, voice dripping skepticism.

"Really!" both of them shouted at the same time.

The surgeon shook his head.

"The things ponies will say to get out of experiencing a minor inconvenience," he said, glancing at the papers resting on the table. "It's positively-" he froze. "Huh?" He telekinetically lifted the papers in front of him and paged through them a bit. "I… I must have…" He telekinetically lifted the tape measure and measured around Bravado's waist. Then he measured Sebastius' waist. The tape measure was moving much more slowly this time.

Doctor Zerato's eyes grew wide. He quickly checked his papers, then measured again. Then he remeasured Bravado's forelegspan, and Sebastius' forelegspan. The doctor broke into a grin.

He slammed both papers on the table, examining them carefully. Then he measured one last dimension: Bravado and Sebastius' height.

Doctor Zerato started to chuckle. Then he laughed out loud.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he cheered, practically skipping out of the room. "It's perfect! Absolutely perfect!"

"Zerato?" Aureli said, concern marring her beautiful face. She followed Doctor Zerato out of the room.

Sebastius felt cold.

"Wh-why's he so happy?" Bravado asked.

There was an awkward pause.

"Dunno," Azure Lightning said. "I haven't seen him this happy before. _Ever_."

"Not even on that day he caught poor Iron Beak here," the long necked pony whispered, gesturing with one hoof towards the legless griffin in the cage next to him.

That couldn't be a good sign.

Keep breathing, Sebastius told himself. This was not the time to panic. No. He would calmly consider his escape plan. And he wouldn't be distracted by the possibility that he would have to be dissected 'alive' or else be attacked by Winchester Tock again. No. He'd calmly consider his escape plan. Yeah.

He strained against his bonds again. All that he learned was stuff he already knew: the leather straps might give way if he strained at them enough. But that would take weeks. They certainly wouldn't break in an hour, especially since pulling too hard put stress on his leg wounds.

Doctor Zerato raced back into the room, still chuckling maniacally. He was telekinetically holding two pieces of paper. Each had the vague outline of a pony on it.

Doctor Zerato held the two pony pictures up in the air, one above Bravado and one above Sebastius. Invisible pencils added details to the outlines, until Sebastius was looking at two medical diagrams: one of himself, and one of Bravado.

"It's perfect," Doctor Zerato chuckled. "Just _perfect_."

His maniacal chuckles softened to slightly unnerving snickers for a while.

"What?" the spider pony asked. "What?"

Doctor Zerato took a moment to compose himself.

Oh, no, Sebastius thought. He recognized the signs. Doctor Zerato was about to start a monologue.

"You see," Doctor Zerato said grandiosely, "I've done very extensive experiments on creating the perfect physical form for a unicorn brain, but one thing always bothered me. Some unicorns are born with an imperfect brain." He tapped one hoof against his chin. "And that causes a serious ethical conundrum. I would hate to take pieces from another superior being to complete the imperfect brain, but at the same time I hesitate to take pieces from an inferior being, lest it should somehow damage the unicorn's brain."

Sebastius gritted his teeth. But he wouldn't let Doctor Zerato think he could manipulate his emotions. He would be perfectly cool and collected.

Most of the ponies around the room also seemed perfectly cool and collected, albeit very curious. Though that might have been because they'd heard this kind of supremacy hundreds of times before.

"I would need to do further study to see how brains are affected when pieces of it are spliced together," Doctor Zerato said. "Sadly, Marabia is horribly backwards, and I've been unable to find a brain surgeon willing to assist me in my studies. However, it doesn't take a genius to cut things in half."

With that, he ripped the two pictures in half. Then he flung one half of each picture aside.

"And once that's accomplished," Doctor Zerato said, smirking at Sebastius and Bravado's terrified looks, "it's a simple matter to turn two ponies into one, single pony!"

He brought the two halves together and used magic to make the picture whole. Half of the pony looked like Bravado, and the other half looked like Sebastius.

"Two minds, one body!" Doctor Zerato said.

Sebastius flattened himself against the stretcher. He could barely breath for sheer horror.

"But, but," Bravado stammered, "but who would… who would _control_ the body?"

Doctor Zerato gave them a very blank look.

"Why, both of you, obviously," he said. "The two of you must come to complete agreement before movement can become possible. Think about it! The two of you will be feeling each other's emotions, _thinking each other's thoughts!_ Doesn't that sound _magnificent_?"

"No!" Sebastius and Bravado screamed at the same time.

"Please!" Bravado said. "Have mercy, for Celestia's sake! Fuse me with any other pony- _any other pony_- but please, please not with Sebastius Mareton!"

"I'm sorry," Doctor Zerato said. "You are the only ponies that I've found so far whose shapes and measurements are similar enough for me to perform this experiment. If I tried it with another pony you wouldn't heal properly."

"But you _can't_ make me live inside Sebastius' mind!" Bravado pleaded. "You have no idea what it's like in there!"

"For the record, neither do you," Doctor Zerato said. A malicious grin spread across his face. "But you will. Oh, yes, you will." He practically skipped out of the room, still laughing maniacally.

"Is he crazy?" Bravado cried.

"That is the general consensus," a horned zebra hissed. On second glance, the horned zebra turned out to be the one that had tried to buy Bravado.

Sebastius struggled to breathe. He couldn't even comprehend the horror he was feeling. This would be worse than anything he'd ever experienced. Ever. Worse than the sanitarium. Worse than Krastos. Worse than Winchester.

He forced himself to concentrate. He needed to escape, and he needed to escape right _now_.

But ideas fled from his brain like rats fleeing a sinking ship. There was nothing he could do. He was doomed.

"Oh, my gosh…" Bravado was whispering. "I can't believe…" he sighed. "This'll really ruin any chance of a relationship with Daring that I ever had…"

"Why?" Sebastius asked. "If it's that consensual thing you're agreeing about, you might be able to convince me to romance Daring a bit." He laughed weakly. Gallows humor.

"I would rather _die_ than force Daring to be anywhere near you!" Bravado snapped. Then he sighed. "Which would mean I'd have to give her up forever. _Adios, Senorita. Por todo el tiempo. Por la infinidad_."

"You know I can speak Horsepanic, right?" Sebastius said.

"I'm not trying to be secretive."

There was a pause.

"I don't get it," Bravado said. "I don't want to hear your evil thoughts for obvious reasons, but why don't you want to hear my thoughts? I would think _nothing_ could shock you."

Sebastius didn't answer for a bit. He wiggled around, praying that there was some weak spot he hadn't noticed. He wasn't sure he knew the answer himself- or at least, not that he could put into words.

"I don't want to get your permission before I move so much as a hoof," Sebastius said.

"That's not worth getting so panicked over," Bravado said.

So he'd noticed.

"I… well…" Sebastius thought for a while longer.

"I don't want your Normie thoughts infecting me," Sebastius said finally.

"My what?"

"Normie thoughts!" Sebastius said. "I mean, I can't imagine how much you ponies must suffer, since apparently you have this thing called a conscience that makes you suffer when you do something 'immoral' and you somehow feel the pain of those around you. I can't understand how Normies become murderers and thieves and things like that if they can't do it without getting hurt. And I don't want any of those things in my brain. Not ever. Could you imagine what would happen if I suddenly started empathizing with my victims? After all I've done?"

Bravado didn't answer for a moment.

"No."

"Neither can I, and I don't want to learn what it feels like," Sebastius said, tugging on the straps vigorously. "So…"

A small cut appeared on one leg. Sebastius stared at it thoughtfully.

"You know consciences aren't like that, right?" Bravado said.

"How so?" Sebastius asked.

"It's not that we feel agony or anything, it's more like, uh… like when you forget something and can't remember what."

"Oh." Sebastius stared at Bravado. "Then why is it a problem?"

"Okay, maybe a bit worse than that…"

The door banged open and Doctor Zerato reentered, pushing a tray full of knives and potion vials in front of him. One of the knives was Sebastius' own ice dagger. Oh, the irony.

"I'm so glad you found this for me," Doctor Zerato said, picking up the ice dagger with telekinesis. "It'll make slicing you in half just that much easier. Now seriously, hold still or I'll have to start over." He rested the blade on Sebastius' forehead.

Sebastius caught himself praying again.

_ Hey, God, I know there's no reason why you'd do anything for me, but for the love of yourself- you can't possibly let this monster do this! It would be… It would be…_

"Zerato!"

The dagger jerked, scrapping Sebastius' flesh.

"Aureli, how many times must I tell you-" Doctor Zerato started.

"You promised to give me flying lessons today!" Aureli whined.

"I thought you didn't want them!"

"I changed my mind."

"But, but, now?" Doctor Zerato looked like a foal being denied his favorite toy. "I said four o'clock!"

"It is four o'clock!" Aureli said, pointing at the clock.

It was, indeed, exactly four.

"Oh, well…"

"Come on," Aureli said. "It's not like they're going to escape while we're gone."

Doctor Zerato whimpered. "Oh, fine." He stomped to the other side of the room, telekinetically seizing a vial of potion as he went.

"W-wait," Azure Lightning said as the surgeon approached him.

That was as far as he got.

Using the ice dagger, Doctor Zerato hacked off Azure Lightning's wings, but poured potion on the cut so fast that it looked more like the wings were falling off. Azure Lightning gasped and tears appeared in his eyes, but small red stains next to his body were the only signs that he'd even had wings or been injured.

"Now let's go!" Doctor Zerato said, telekinetically seizing the severed wings and stomping into the next room. The ice dagger and potion vial hovered back to their places on the tray.

They were tantalizingly close. If only Sebastius' hooves weren't strapped down, he could have grabbed his ice dagger and made his getaway.

Before Aureli left, she seized a sharp scapula and put it in Bravado's mouth.

"Be free," she whispered. "Nopony deserves what my brother makes them go through." With tears in her eyes, she turned to Azure Lightning. "I'm… I'm so sorry…"

"Oh, Aureli," Azure Lightning whispered tenderly. "It's not your fault. My wings were doing me no good anyway, but you- you're just the right size for them. My wings were meant to be yours even as my heart was meant to be yours. Fly to freedom."

Aureli giggled a bit, then quickly left the room.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Sebastius said. "Stockhorse Syndrome Deluxe!"

"Shut up," the horned zebra hissed.

"But seriously, does love _ever_ make you stupid," Sebastius said. "See, Bravado, this is why I consider being fused with you a fate worse than death. I don't know how you even retain brain cells with the way you go after Daring Do."

Bravado didn't answer, of course. He was too busy cutting one of the leather straps. The scapula blade was short, but he could just barely scrape the leather with the tip.

The fact that the scapula had been given to Bravado and not Sebastius didn't really bother Sebastius one bit. Bravado was a do-gooder hero type. Even if he set everypony free but not Sebastius, Bravado would never let Doctor Zerato remain free to inflict his torturous plans on others. At worst Sebastius would end up in a Marabian jail again, and this time he already had a couple of ideas for an escape plan. So everything would turn out all right for-

The door banged open again. The scapula glowed with a green aura as it was yanked from Bravado's mouth.

"That could have been disastrous," Doctor Zerato said casually, trotting into the room. "Fortunately for Aureli, I'm in too good a mood to punish her too extensively."

Bravado's expression was one of shock and dismay. Sebastius felt ill.

"I came back to bring you these." Doctor Zerato levitated two shiny orbs on strings into the room.

"Those are mine!" a zebra stallion snapped.

"Not anymore," Doctor Zerato said. He hung the strings from the ceiling so that the balls were about eye level, one in front of Sebastius and one in front of Bravado.

"Touch the balls with your nose and whisper the magic word to activate them," Doctor Zerato said. "I'll carry the transmitter with me, and if I learn you've whispered the magic word I'll hurry right back." He winked. "The magic word is 'Tagam'."

Marabian for 'please'. How amusing. Doctor Zerato was as brilliant as punning as he was at being kind.

"Now be good and don't leave," Doctor Zerato said. "Aureli will pay for her deception. It isn't even four o'clock." He stomped out of the room.

"Does he ever walk normally?" Sebastius asked.

"Shut up!" Bravado shouted with a ferocity that shocked Sebastius. "This is all your fault!"

"Nope," Sebastius said. "Not my fault you made the stupid mistake to trust Swinn and Dell. Maybe other parts were my fault, but you would never be here if you weren't so darn gullible."

Bravado screamed with rage and thrashed wildly against the straps.

Sebastius calmly examined the ice dagger, just out of his reach.

Clearly, Doctor Zerato had counted on his and Bravado's rivalry to keep them in place. He'd probably assumed that one would escape without helping the other, prompting the one left behind to call Doctor Zerato as revenge.

Obviously he was as good at psychology as he was at punning. This set of circumstances was more likely to cause both of them to escape together rather than keep them in place.

"Torn your straps loose, yet?" he asked Bravado.

Bravado had stopped thrashing and was panting from exhaustion. Sweat and tears ran down his cheeks. Sebastius decided not to call him a cryfilly. Then maybe Bravado would be more charitable towards him in the near future.

Sebastius had a plan. It didn't make him very happy, but there seemed to be no options left.

He sighed and gritted his teeth, doing some mental prep work.

_ You are strong. You are resilient. You are a survivor. You do whatever it takes to survive. And you know that if you stay here, if you fail to escape, the consequences will be dire. Don't think about sparing yourself pain in the present. Only think about the future._

Sebastius bowed his head and leaned forward. His nose touched the alarm sphere, but he had no intention of saying the activation word.

_ Alpha, beta, gamma, delta…_

Sebastius began to pull against his bonds. As he had expected, they stayed strong.

His forelegs, on the other hoof, did not.

He snuck a peek at his forelegs. Long red gashes had appeared on them, and blood started flowing from them.

He quickly closed his eyes again; seeing how much blood he was losing would only make him panic or stop, which was the last thing he needed.

_ Delta, epsilon, digamma…_

…Sweet Celestia, this was painful…

_ Zeta, theta, iota, iota alpha, iota beta…_

Tears streamed down Sebastius' cheeks, and he prayed nopony would notice. His forelegs felt like they were on fire, but he kept pulling.

_ Iota gamma, iota delta, iota epsilon, iota digamma, iota zeta…_

The bone cracked a bit. The shock made Sebastius gasp, and his eyes flew open, but the sight of the red pool on the floor made him quickly close his eyes again. He felt dizzy.

And he'd lost count.

_ Alpha, beta…_

Sebastius took a deep breath. Just a little further.

He whispered the numbers to himself while pulling with all his might.

"Alpha-beta-gamma-delta-epsilon-digamma-zeta-theta-iota-iotaalpha-"

With a crack and a pop and a rather wet sound, Sebastius fell forward, free of his bonds, until his forehead touched the table.

Everypony in the room gasped loudly.

"Madre del sol!" Bravado cried.

"Sweet Alab!" Azure Lightning said.

Sebastius opened his eyes slightly and saw a black blob on the floor. Probably his own recently severed limb. Ugh. He quickly averted his gaze upward.

The vial of potion had been knocked over and was pouring its contents on the ground. Sebastius wildly swung his head to knock the other vials to the ground, then lowered himself slowly. His head was pounding and he felt like he would lose consciousness soon if he didn't stop the blood flow.

Squinting so as not to see anything too clearly, he lowered the stump of one foreleg until it touched one of the dusty blue limbs lying on the floor.

Immediately that leg stopped hurting. It didn't help that much, but it was enough. He swung around until he found the other severed leg and reattached that one, also.

The pain was completely gone. Not only that but his legs seemed to have reattached themselves correctly, even though he'd been sure he'd be stuck with one of them at an odd angle. Even better, his headache was gone and he didn't feel nauseous. Like somehow all the blood had been regenerated immediately.

Perhaps Swinn and Dell hadn't made the potion up properly. Maybe that was the only reason why Sebastius had been in so much pain after each resurrection.

He felt a powerful urge to kill both of them in hideous ways.

But on the other hoof, he was in too good a mood for that. For the first time in several days, he could move normally. It felt nice.

He started to walk away and then was reminded that his back legs were still strapped to the stretcher. He quickly whipped out his ice dagger and cut the straps; only then did he look around the room.

Everypony was staring at him, completely stunned.

Sebastius had officially cemented his position in life as the most hardcore pony in the universe. He grinned.

"Well, it's been real fun, but not that fun," he said. "Ta-ta. Good luck with the doctor."

Bravado reacted like he'd been electrified.

"Wait, what?" he said. "You can't just leave!"

"Can, and am," Sebastius said, turning away.

"Oh no you don't!" Bravado said. "You get back right this minute and unstrap me, or your escape will end here!" He leaned forward and touched his nose to his alarm sphere. "You can't possibly kill me before I can get the words out, and then you'll be sorry."

Sebastius sighed. "Bravado, Bravado, Bravado. Clearly I must explain how this works." He turned around again and smirked at Bravado. "If you sound that alarm, Doctor Zerato will show up and, perhaps, stop me from leaving. If Doctor Zerato stops me from leaving, well, then you know what will happen." He pointed to the chart on the wall, showing the creature that was half him and half Bravado.

"But if, on the other hoof, I escape, well… Doctor Zerato cannot _possibly_ fuse the two of us together if one of us isn't here. So you see, Bravado, nothing you do in this situation can possibly gain you your freedom. You truly only have two choices here. Either you don't sound that alarm, and you stay here for maybe a month or two before you figure out a clever escape of your own. During that time you will be dissected, mutilated, and otherwise treated horribly. Or, you could sound the alarm…" Sebastius pointed to the chart again. "And you'll have my voice stuck in your head for the rest of your unnatural life."

Sebastius paused to let that sink in. Bravado slowly backed off from the ball, lying against the stretcher again. He glared at Sebastius, but Sebastius could tell that he'd made his point.

"And with that, I'll be taking my leave." Sebastius turned around and found himself facing a battle ax.

"That was worded quite cleverly," Doctor Zerato said. "Thank you for your assessment."

"But I didn't sound the alarm!" Bravado half-cried.

"See, that's what I can't figure out," Doctor Zerato said. "You've proven, over and over, that you are a clever pony, Sebastius Mareton. So why would a clever pony be stupid enough to sound the alarm on his own escape?"

"I didn't sound the-" Sebastius thought for a second. He had been counting in Greek out loud….

Alpha, beTA, GAMma…

Oh, the irony.

* * *

_Author's Note to Tropers:_

_Feel free to list any and all of my stuff under _Did Not Do The Research_. You have my word for it that I didn't do any._


	14. Chapter 13: The Escape

Even though Bravado hated Sebastius Mareton more than he hated anypony, their fates were inalterably bound at the moment. So he couldn't help but have a feeling of sinking dread when Doctor Zerato arrived.

And for the first time ever, he found himself wishing Sebastius Mareton the best of luck.

Sebastius picked up the fallen ice dagger and pointed it at Doctor Zerato. It looked puny next to the battle axe, not to mention that it would be no good for blocking. The blade was so sharp that the battle axe would cleave right through it and still strike Sebastius Mareton.

"Stah awah frm meh!" Sebastius growled through gritted teeth.

"Yet another reason why us horned equines are superior!" Doctor Zerato said, making a dramatic gesture with one hoof. "You see how I can both wield an enormous battle axe and deliver monologues, while you-"

Sebastius threw the dagger at Doctor Zerato.

Doctor Zerato ducked with a small shout. The dagger flew right past him towards Bravado.

Bravado cried out and swerved his head to one side, and the ice dagger embedded itself in the stretcher up to the hilt.

Sebastius rolled his eyes at Bravado briefly and then skipped aside to dodge a swing from the battle axe.

Well, that was Sebastius' only weapon gone. How was he supposed to defeat a unicorn now? He'd only managed to kill Deborah Nagridge through the element of surprise, and the fact that he'd slipped a magic-inhibiting potion into Nagridge's tea a few minutes before.

Oh, wait.

Bravado twisted his head and managed to grab the ice dagger with his teeth. It came out easily, and he went to work on his leather straps. They all parted easily. Now it was two against one.

Had Sebastius missed his throw on purpose?

Made sense. Sebastius usually had eerily good aim. Bravado had seen him throw the Golden Ring of Fire, Frisbee style, past three rotating blades, between two crushing walls, and onto an impossibly tiny spire several yards away, where it came to rest. Even Daring would have been hard pressed to make a similar throw with her hat.

Bravado passed the dagger to the guard on the stretcher next to him. Then he leapt onto Doctor Zerato's back rodeo style.

With a flash of light, Bravado found himself teleported up in the air, where telekinesis bashed him against the ceiling again and again.

Okay, that hadn't exactly been his most brilliant idea.

"You idiot!" Sebastius Mareton shouted from the ground.

Green telekinesis grabbed Sebastius and started shaking him back and forth.

"No, Sebastius, _you_ are the idiot," Doctor Zerato said.

From his vantage point on the ceiling, Bravado could see the one guard cut himself loose, then quickly turn his partner free also.

"I offered you everything!" Doctor Zerato said. "Wings! A horn! Ultimate power!"

Half the ponies were freed from their stretchers now.

"And you rejected me!" Doctor Zerato continued. "Why? For stating a simple fact! For attempting to empathize with your plight!"

All the ponies on stretchers had been cut loose. They arranged themselves behind Doctor Zerato, arming themselves with various scapulas and daggers lying around.

Sebastius slammed into the ceiling next to Bravado. He laughed slightly. "Do you think that hurt?" he demanded. "I've endured far worse things than that in the past few days alone!"

"Oh, but the point of the exercise certainly isn't to hurt you," Doctor Zerato said. "Nothing of the sort. I _will_ go through with my experiment. But before that…"

A guard had freed the creatures in the cages. Both of them loomed over Doctor Zerato, but he was too focused on Bravado and Sebastius to notice.

"Do you have any last words?" Doctor Zerato asked.

"Nope!" Sebastius said cheerfully. "What about you?"

Doctor Zerato blinked.

A pony standing behind Doctor Zerato seized him by the shoulders and spun him around to face his enraged, liberated victims.

Doctor Zerato just stared at them in horror.

And then they fell on him.

The spider pony struck at Doctor Zerato with his talons. Ponies hacked at him with their knives. The legless griffin, held in the air by the long necked pony, struck with his beak.

"Ha, did you catch that, Bravado?" Sebastius asked, turning to look at his brother. "His last words were 'Do you have any last words'! Ahaha, I've always wanted to do that!"

The telekinesis holding Bravado and Sebastius in the air started to fizzle.

"Guys?" Bravado asked, but the ponies on the ground were too busy getting their revenge to pay attention. Bravado slowly came away from the ceiling. Then he started free fall.

But just as he began to fall towards the floor that was littered plentifully with sharp objects, he felt a pair of wings brush past him.

Right past him.

Bravado hit the ground and felt something sharp penetrate his chest. He lifted up and looked at it. Sure enough, he'd just stabbed himself with a dagger close to where the heart was.

Daring Do gave a cry of dismay. Bravado flipped onto his back. Daring was fluttering near the ceiling, with Sebastius Mareton clinging to her.

"Sorry, Bravado!" Daring Do cried. "I was aiming for you!"

"Much… appreciated," Bravado gasped. "But how…?"

"Swinn and Dell," Daring said, descending to the ground. "Sebastius, let go of me this instant."

"Why?" Sebastius said. "Not having fun?"

"All right, break it up," Storm Talon said, waving his claws at the ponies mobbing Doctor Zerato. "I think it's safe to say that he's (censored) dead, all right? So find a less (censored) pastime!"

"Who are you?" the horned zebra asked.

"Oh, Daring, Storm Talon," Azure Lightning said, his face lighting up in recognition. "Hello again!"

"What happened to your wings?" Daring Do asked, shoving Sebastius aside once they were on the ground.

"They, they…" Azure Lightning's eyes widened in horror. "Aureli!" He fled the room, grabbing a vial of potion as he went.

"Bravado," Storm Talon said, leaning over the gray earth pony. "(Censored), that wound doesn't look good…"

"I'll be fine," Bravado said.

"No you won't; you're dying!" Daring Do said. "Sheesh. Here, Swinn and Dell explained about the… about the…"

A clattering sound caught her attention. Both she and Bravado looked at Doctor Zerato's body. When the ponies had backed away, something had fallen out of his lab coat. It was a silver cup that gleamed with an eerie blue light.

"What." Daring said.

"That's the Miracle Chalice!" Sebastius screamed. "How the hay did it get here?"

"Oh, I found that old thing a long time ago," Bravado said casually. "And I sold it to Doctor Zerato because I had been desperate for cash at the time and his was the best price I could find at short notice. Really wished I could have gotten a higher price, but the government wanted a bribe right then and there…"

"I should have figured," Sebastius grumbled. "No wonder Doctor Zerato had those super special healing potions. He's been making them with this thing. And I should have realized that." He huffed angrily.

"You found the Miracle Chalice already?" Storm Talon shrieked. "We've been wasting all our (censored) time in this (censored) country?"

"Sorry, I didn't know you were looking for it," Bravado said. "It's not like the Miracle Chalice is the only treasure in the Ko-Mara temple."

"But you could have told us at some point!" Daring shouted.

"Oh, are archeologists supposed to tell each other when they have an adventure?" Bravado said. "Then I wish you'd told _me_ about Krastos before I'd woken up in his flesh eating termite farm!" He winced. Screaming made his chest hurt more.

"I thought Krastos was dead!" Daring Do said. "But that stupid doctor- this chalice has a limited number of charges! We could have lost the formula for this potion forever!"

The spider pony whimpered. "But… but…"

"What about us?" the legless griffin finished.

Daring paused. "Well, well…"

"Come with us to Equestria," Storm Talon said. "The doctors there work all kinds of magic, literally."

Daring Do nodded. "And we only need one or two samples of the potion anyway. I'm sure we can make it work okay."

"I'm sure Princess Celestia will agree to prosecute Doctor Zerato if the Marabian guards are still (censored) scared of him," Storm Talon said. "He's harassed Equestrian citizens now. So let's bring that (censored) doctor to justice. Along with Sebastius…" He looked around the room.

Sebastius was nowhere to be seen.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Storm Talon hissed.

"D-daring?" Bravado said.

"Oh, my gosh, what am I thinking of?" Daring said, crouching next to Bravado. "Quick, bring me a vial…"

"N-no, that's not it," Bravado said. "Daring, let me die."

"No!" Daring Do cried, wrapping her hooves around Bravado's neck. Tears appeared in her eyes.

"I d-don't mean… forever," he said. "Silly." He smiled at her. "Just for half an hour…" His vision blurred, and he closed his eyes slightly. "I want to see my dad again," he whispered.

His breathing stopped. A second later, he floated free of his body as a little white ghost again.

The ghost of a young mare materialized before him and gasped. "Rodolphus! Come quick!"

* * *

"Well?" Daring said when Bravado opened his eyes again.

Bravado shook himself a bit, getting used to the sensation of having legs once more. He was in the same room, but it was now mostly empty; some of Doctor Zerato's victims had fled, while those who had been more mutilated were waiting outside. Storm Talon had started to work out travel arrangements while Bravado had been dead. Doctor Zerato had been revived, given a bit of potion to suppress his magical powers, and locked in one of his own cages for transport. The only creatures left in the room at the moment were Daring Do, Storm Talon, and the young pegasus fillies, the latter of which were busy polishing the Miracle Chalice.

"I… I have a question first, Daring."

"What?"

Bravado took a deep breath. This was going to sound silly.

"As a pony who's died and been told that he was going to hell…" He gulped. "How do you get to heaven?"

Daring didn't answer for a moment, then looked to Storm Talon for help. Both Daring Do and Storm Talon were Christians, although Storm Talon was rather unconventional on that front.

"That old song and dance that I'm sure you've heard before," Storm Talon said. "First, admit that you're a sinner in need of salvation. Then, trust that Jesus Christ can save you from your sins. Then, pray and accept him into your heart. I'm sure you've heard it seventeen thousand times."

"But is that it?" Bravado said. "You don't… well, Daring doesn't act like regular ponies. I mean… d'oh, what else do I have to do? Go to church? Celebrate Christmas instead of Hearth's Warming? What else does God want?"

"Nothing," Daring Do said. "Well, not exactly. It's like being in love. If you're in love with somepony, you don't say things like 'So how many dates do I have to take you on before we count as boyfriend and girlfriend?'"

"Reading the Bible and going to church is a good start," Storm Talon said. "Things'll clear up. But I have to say that God probably doesn't want you to stop what you're doing. You've helped many ponies in ways you may never fully understand. God just wants you to do it for his glory, not your own. It's God who made you strong."

It was weird hearing Storm Talon talk without using a bunch of swear words. But preaching the gospel and using vulgar language seemed contradictory.

"O…okay…" Bravado said. "So… right here, right now?"

"Sure," Daring said. "We can help."

Bravado sat up and folded his hooves into a praying position. He closed his eyes.

"I don't know what to say," he said.

"It doesn't matter," Storm Talon said. "Just so long as you're talking to God, not to us."

Bravado searched his heart.

"Um, God… I know I never thought I needed you before… and I know I've made some stupid mistakes, but I've tried my best to be good on my own… but that isn't good enough." He gritted his teeth briefly. "And I feel like right now I'm only doing this so that I won't go to hell… but I need you, and, I've seen the things you've done for creatures like Daring and Storm Talon and my mom, and so… if you want my life, I guess you can have it, because… I'd like to see if you have some magic left over for me." He smiled. "I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done. They were wrong and I'm sorry. I believe that Jesus is real and can save me from my sins. And I'm ready to accept your gift." He bowed his head a bit deeper, then looked up. "Well?"

"Amen," Daring said, hugging Bravado tightly. "Wow, Bravado. This is amazing."

"Yeah…" Bravado sighed. "I am so going to visit my Mom after this."

"Ruby will be real happy to hear it," Storm Talon said.

"Oh! Speaking of which!" Bravado rearranged into a more comfortable position. "I have messages for you all from Rodolphus and this other pony."

"What?" Storm Talon said.

"When I was dead for several minutes just then, my dad's ghost came and visited me. Him and this other ghost, an earth pony mare. I didn't know her and she didn't really have time to give her name. They were both frantically telling me things before it was too late. And I had to reassure my dad that I'd talk to you about salvation. He was pretty upset about that part."

"What did they say?" Daring Do asked.

"Let's see… well, there was a bunch of stuff Rodolphus wanted me to tell my mom, of course, and then he said 'Tell Storm Talon that I miss it when he calls me Rhody.'"

"He said that?" Storm Talon said, shocked. "But he hated that nickname! I stopped calling him that out of respect for the dead, and now he wants me to take it up again?"

"And then the pretty mare said…" Bravado turned towards Daring. "She said 'Tell Daring that it isn't her fault'."

Daring Do blinked. "Wait, what did she look like?"

"I couldn't really tell you exactly," Bravado said. "She didn't have any color; none of us did. But she had a short, cute mane and a cowpony hat."

Daring gasped and tears appeared in her eyes. "Zapapple Tock."

"Who?" Bravado said.

"Daring's best friend when she was little," Storm Talon said.

"But she was a Tock?" Bravado asked, remembering the vengeful Winchester Tock he'd met earlier.

"Just continue the story. I'll tell you later," Storm Talon said.

"And then Rodolphus…" Bravado hesitated. "He said 'Tell Daren… actually, tell all the Do family…'"

"Yes?" Daring Do asked, recognizing the message for her father and her family.

Bravado shrugged. "He… he couldn't finish. He just suddenly burst into tears."

"What?" Daring and Storm Talon said.

"And that girl… Zapapple… she wrapped her front wisps around him and rocked him back and forth, whispering 'It's okay' and then Rodolphus said 'No, it isn't okay. It's my fault. It's all my fault.' And then, well, you woke me up." Bravado looked regretful.

Storm Talon and Daring didn't say anything. They just looked horrified.

"What?" Bravado said. "Does that mean something to you?"

"There are no tears in heaven," Daring said slowly.

Bravado felt cold. So this was all a lie? He'd just made a fool of himself praying to a nonexistent God to go to a place that didn't exist?

Then he remembered something.

"Wait, wait, wait," he said. "Sebastius specifically asked Rodolphus- not now, after we died in the prison theater- if the afterlife was the way Rodolphus had always said it was. And Rodolphus said it was. And I don't think he was lying."

"Rodolphus was a horrible liar," Storm Talon said thoughtfully.

"But he's not in heaven," Daring Do said. "And yet he can't have been wrong about how to get to heaven…"

"Maybe he isn't dead?" Bravado said.

Storm Talon stared at him incredulously. "Except for the fact that we did, indeed, find the body, and it was half rotten, I'd almost be willing to consider that."

"I know this sounds unbelievable, but I've been wondering about it for a while. When we were in the prison theater, Sebastius and I both died, and so did two guards. I became a ghost and so did Sebastius, but the guards didn't. And when the ponies here were talking about when Doctor Zerato killed them, they described death as feeling different to them than it had to me and Sebastius. So… maybe this is some kind of spell we don't understand?"

"That's really weird," Daring said. "I'd have to ask Tabby about it…"

"One of the guards thought it might be a family curse," Bravado said.

"A what?" Storm Talon said, recognition in his eyes.

"A… family curse?" Bravado said.

There was a pause. Storm Talon looked thoughtful

"Bravado," Storm Talon said, "did you, by any chance, see this other ghost when you were dead? A huge earth pony with a spiky mane-"

"Winchester Tock?" Bravado said.

"Yes! You saw him?"

"Yeah, after we died in the prison theater."

"What was he like?" Storm Talon asked. "Did he say anything about me or Daren or anything?"

"Oh, well, he was too busy attacking Sebastius with a huge scythe to make good conversation."

"Oh." Storm Talon leaned back. "Makes (censored) sense, I guess."

"Yeah, I was wondering how a pony so violent could have a relative that was Daring's best friend," Bravado said.

"Winchester wasn't always (censored) like that!" Storm Talon snapped. "He just started sliding… and… and none of us (censored) noticed in time to stop him." He sighed.

"But how did you know he'd be there?" Bravado said.

"Oh, well… did we ever tell you about the Great Intellect?"

"That… creature that was holding Daren Do prisoner all these years?" Bravado said. "Yeah, I remember what little you told me of him…"

"Well, the (censored) Great Intellect had been worshipped as a god for a long time up in the north," Storm Talon said. "And where there are (censored) gods, there are temples; where there are temples, there are magical artifacts; and where there are magical artifacts… there are archeologists. When I was younger, and Daren, Rodolphus, Winchester, Ghoul and I were a team of archeologists together, we investigated one of those censored temples. Well, Rodolphus and Winchester both picked up a (censored) cursed artifact at the same time and got hit with a (censored) powerful spell… nearly killed them. So we sorta left immediately and rushed them to a hospital without actually bringing any (censored) treasure back, but that wasn't important. They lived, and the (censored) curse seemed mostly gone, except that they still had this mark on their hooves…" Storm Talon picked up Daring's forehoof and rubbed the part of it below the knee. "On the front, there. Sometimes it wasn't visible, sometimes it would suddenly act up and the (censored) mark would reappear and the pony it reappeared on would feel (censored) pain. Roudolphus said it was a feeling so cold that it crossed over from feeling like fire…"

"…back to feeling like cold again," Bravado said in awe. "That's what Winchester's scythe did- what touching the blade felt like."

"Really?"

"And… hold on, I have a mark there, too," Bravado said. "I mean, you can't see it. It only becomes visible when I'm standing in temperatures below zero, which, of course, I don't do very often." Both Storm Talon and Daring Do knew full well that Bravado hated the cold.

"Sebastius also has one," Daring said. "I saw it in that mansion, when we were fighting over the Shadow Heart gem and it was changing the room around us to try and make us go away. The Shadow Heart turned the room into the Arctic for a moment, and I saw a mark."

"Stop!" Storm Talon said. "This is too (censored) much! You mean that Rodolphus Mareton and Winchester Tock are still alive?"

"And Zapapple Tock?" Daring Do said.

"Well, as best as I can follow this conversation…" Bravado said. "Well… yes."

The silence that followed wasn't that silent. Bravado could almost hear the mental gears ticking.

"Wait until we tell Daren," Storm Talon said.

"We need to learn more about the Great Intellect," Daring Do said. "We didn't search hard enough last time."

"We're going to be busy," Bravado said thoughtfully.

"What? Are you coming?" Daring Do asked. Even though Daring and Bravado were very good friends, they rarely went on adventures together. They would always turn into silent competitions.

"Of course I'm coming," Bravado said. "He's my dad."


	15. Chapter 14: The Prison

"Hey, Bravado!"

Bravado reared up with surprise. Aureli cringed and Azure Lightning flung out a leg to shield her.

"Oh come on, it's just me," Sebastius said. "It's been a while since we escaped, and I've been looking for the perfect opportunity these past two days to give you a message. Which wasn't easy, since you've been surrounded with guards most of the time, so _thank you_ for stepping aside for a personal conversation with your _dear_ friend, Azure Lightning." He turned to Azure Lightning. "Seriously, you're letting Aureli keep your wings? That's morbid."

Azure Lightning blushed. "Well, like I said, they weren't doing me any good because they're so small, but they work on her. Anyway, I'm running away from an old master of mine, and my wings were my most distinguishing feature." He smiled sheepishly.

"Hmm. Love makes you stupid, but as mothers' affections for their foals shows, stupid things are cute to Normies, so I guess you'll be happy enough." Sebastius turned to Bravado. "And now for the message."

"What's that, then?" Bravado said suspiciously.

Sebastius picked a bit of mud off of one hoof. "I have a sort of policy that anypony- or other creature- who saves my life, will have the favor returned at some point. So if you're in a jam, call me and I'll be willing to save your life. Or I'll spare your life, as the case may be. Once. It only works once."

"You waited for two days to tell me this?" Bravado said, incredulous.

"Well, see, Daring saved my life from Krastos that one time and so I rescued her from the Assembler shortly after that and told her about the deal, and I thought she might have told you, and I didn't want you to think that this somehow extended to me giving up an artifact that we both want, because it doesn't, it only applies to your life, and-"

"I thought you two were partners," Aureli said.

"Yes, Doctor Zerato was also under that delusion," Sebastius said.

"Maybe you should reconsider?" Azure Lightning said. "You work so well together."

Sebastius and Bravado gaped at the two Marabians.

"No," Bravado said.

"No, we don't," Sebastius said.

"You should see us normally," Bravado said.

"As in, when we both want to kill each other," Sebastius said.

"Yeah, as in then," Bravado said.

"Oh…" Aureli said. "Well, okay then. Thank you, Bravado."

"Yes, thank you," Azure Lightning said. Both of them backed off, looking awkward, before running away.

"And thank you," Sebastius said to Bravado. "For what, I don't know, but I didn't want to break the streak. Goodbye."

"Stop," Bravado said.

"Why?"

"I just…" Bravado shuffled his hooves a bit.

"Oh, something awkward," Sebastius said with a sigh. "I really don't want to do this right now, so let's just talk during our next hooffight, okay?"

"It doesn't work like that," Bravado sighed. "Look, what I want to say is… you believe that there's a hell now, right?"

Sebastius paused.

"I sorta never stopped believing in it," he said. "I just stopped thinking about it."

"But you don't _want_ to go to hell, do you?"

"You don't really understand the symptoms of sociopathy, do you?" Sebastius said. "I only like hurting others. I don't get a kick out of personal pain."

"But, but then… why aren't you a Christian?" Bravado asked. "I mean, if you really believe about hell and Jesus and all that… then… why?"

Sebastius didn't answer for a moment.

"Have you ever _read_ the Bible?" he asked. "Everypony knows that stuff about 'do not lie', 'do not steal', things like that, and if my eternal salvation depended on it then _maybe_ I could keep those rules for a little while, though I'd probably take the early death route if at all possible so I could get in heaven before I slipped up. But _no_, that isn't enough for God. No. He has to throw in commands like 'Love your brother sincerely. _From the heart_."

Bravado stared at Sebastius, stunned.

"I was _born_ a sociopath!" Sebastius shouted. "I'm _physically incapable _of loving _anything_ whether I want to or not! It's like God made me a sociopath to send me to hell _on purpose_!"

Bravado averted his gaze to the ground.

Sebastius paused for breath, huffing angrily.

"And, well," he said in a softer voice, "if an all-powerful God wants to send me to hell… then how's a puny little earth pony supposed to defy him?"

Silence reigned. Bravado looked at buildings, the sky, the ground again. Sebastius shook with fury.

"Do you… _want_ your sociopathy cured?" Bravado asked.

"Nopony cares!" Sebastius said. "There _isn't_ a cure for sociopathy, so why would it matter whether I want one or not?" He glared at his younger brother. "On second thought, I do know what to thank you for. Thanks for _nothing_. Goodbye, Bravado." He turned around and started to stomp off.

"Are you happy?"

Sebastius looked over his shoulder. Bravado was watching him leave, one ear folded over his head in a semi-cute expression.

"Are you happy, Sebastius?" he asked softly.

Sebastius did not answer. He just stared at Bravado, wondering what force in the universe had prompted Bravado to ask that particular question.

"Wither. And. Die." Sebastius hissed.

Then he finished stomping off.

* * *

Sebastius Mareton, intrepid adventurer, sat at the edge of the chair, hunched over the table, a mug of Marabian alcohol wrapped up in his hoof. The lighting in the Marabian bar was bad enough already, but the lamp above Sebastius' table was broken. He already knew that it hid him from the bar's patrons. He wondered if it would hide him from reality.

"Are you happy?"

Sebastius prided himself on his ability to break ponies. He would easily figure out the right words to say to make the pony doubt himself, his motives, his future. They would cry and become weak. And then Sebastius would do whatever he wanted.

But Sebastius had a dark secret.

It only took three words to make him question himself, his motives, his future.

"Are you happy?"

What Sebastius had was never enough. Whatever Sebastius acquired soon lost its appeal. Material goods could not make him happy.

Relationships would never make him happy, by virtue of his being a sociopath. Sometimes he got enjoyment out of silly females lavishing affection on him, but in the end it just felt like another material good. Just one that moved and petted him and kissed him. And mares usually got sick of him at some point anyway.

Every now and then, in a quiet moment, in between artifacts, Sebastius would be relaxing someplace… sort of like now… and then, those three words would come to him.

"Are you happy?"

And the answer was no.

The answer could never be anything _but_ no.

But that was too distressing to think about. So he didn't think about it.

He listened to music. He read books. He studied history. He ran small scams to fill up time. He would see how long he could hold onto a girlfriend. He got drunk. Anything to keep from remembering those three words.

"Are you happy?"

The nights were the worst. Sebastius always kept a stock of sleeping pills handy, in case the long hours and total silence got to be too much.

The best cure for deep thoughts, as far as he had discovered, was adrenaline. So he spent most of his life in adrenaline-related activities. He went on crazy adventures, risked his life, went on power trips, and- occasionally- tortured or murdered ponies.

Anything. Anything.

"Are you happy?"

Sebastius drained his mug, wondering how much alcohol he'd need to knock himself out cold.

Did he want to be cured of sociopathy?

Once, something had happened to Daring that had had something to do with dimensional rifts. Nopony had bothered to inform Sebastius of the incident until it had been over for a long time, but Ahuizotl had talked to him about it over a poker game once. Ahuizotl and Daring had been forced to work together to stop a force greater than both of them that threatened everything- the Smooze. And so they'd hopped around the dimensions, searching for… something. Sebastius had forgotten what.

There'd been really horrible dimensions, of course. There seemed to be one dimension for every evil force that had ever attacked Equestria. One in which that evil force had defeated Daring.

There was a dimension where the Smooze had covered the planet. There was a dimension where the Assembler had turned everypony into a soulless robot. There was a dimension where Swinn and Dell had amassed so much wealth that they owned Equestria and everypony in it. They'd made Alternate Sebastius Mareton live like their pet dog.

Sebastius was glad he didn't live in that last dimension.

Of course the universe he'd most wanted to hear about was the one where _he_ had won some important struggle, but Daring and Ahuizotl hadn't happened to find that one. Nonetheless, Ahuizotl had had an incredibly interesting story to tell anyways.

They'd actually found a dimension that was even _more_ slanted towards the 'good guys' than the one Sebastius lived in.

In that universe, the do-gooders had always won. Alternate Ahuizotl never got out of jail for more than a day. Alternate Krastos had been killed almost as soon as he'd shown up. The Assembler didn't even exist.

But there was more than that.

Alternate Daring's parents had never gotten lost on an ill-fated expedition. Alternate Storm Talon's family had not been killed in a war. Alternate Zapapple had not died in a tragic foalhood accident. Alternate University Professor Masra had not been murdered by a former friend, and therefore she had not needed to be replaced by Deborah Nagridge. Hay, the whole Third Griffin and Diamond Dog War hadn't even happened.

Sebastius had asked Ahuizotl how well Alternate Sebastius had done for himself in this alternate good-guys-always-win universe. Had he been any better at staying out of jail than Alternate Ahuizotl?

The answer had surprised him.

Alternate Sebastius did, in fact, stay out of jail. That was because Alternate Sebastius never did anything worthy of being thrown in jail.

And that was because Alternate Sebastius was not sociopathic. He'd been born perfectly normal.

And then Sebastius had understood everything.

It was _his_ fault. It was _his_ sociopathy that caused everything!

If Sebastius had not been sociopathic, his parents would not have fought and broke up.

It his parents had not fought and broke up, Winchester would not have killed Rodolphus. Winchester wouldn't have had the opportunity, or he would have been caught. His friends would have noticed his descent into darkness and would have gotten him the psychological help he'd needed.

So Daren's little team of archeologists would never have broken up. It would still have had all its members.

So Ghoul wouldn't have done his investigations into his superior Diamond Dog's corruption alone. He would have done it with his friends. And so they would have succeeded in getting the word out and prevented the whole Third Griffin and Diamond Dog War. So Storm Talon's family couldn't possibly have died in it.

And Daren wouldn't have gone after the Platinum Crown alone. His friends would have helped him, and he wouldn't have been lost.

Zapapple wouldn't have been on that fateful camping trip in the first place, since it was a camp for learning to cope with the loss of parents.

And since there'd been no Third Griffin and Diamond Dog War, Masra's friend would have had no reason to take revenge for Masra's questionable actions during said war, and so Masra would not have died. So _Deborah Nagridge_ was Sebastius' fault!

And with so many good creatures- Daren, Daria, Daring, Daring's siblings, Storm Talon and his family, Winchester and his family, Rodolphus, Ruby Rust, Bravado, and, yes, Sebastius… well, how could the heroes do anything _but_ win all the time?

For want of a normal brain.

Not that Sebastius cared overly much about what happened to others. It would be nice if Deborah Nagridge had never risen to power, or if his dad had never died so that he could have been trained by Rodolphus and his friends instead of having to figure out everything from scratch. It would be nice if he'd never had to go to the asylum, most of all. But was it worth it, if the cost was his sociopathy- the thing that helped him through so many adventures and was his best shield against all those other afflictions that plagued other adventurers, like their need to protect their loved ones and their inability to take necessary steps to prevent fellow archeologists from taking the glory?

But there was one thing he couldn't deny...

Alternate Sebastius Mareton had been happy.

Really, truly happy. Happy about his family. Happy about his friends. Happy about his life. Happy about his _afterlife_. Because, of course, Alternate Sebastius Mareton could go to heaven. Normal, sociopathic Sebastius Mareton could not.

Sebastius pushed his empty mug around, wishing it was full again.

Did Sebastius want to be cured of sociopathy?

Wasn't the damage already done?


	16. Epilogue: To Be Continued

"All packed up?" Daring Do asked.

"All set, Ms. Do," Sandstorm said, tightening a rope binding a bundle to the wagon.

"I forgot," Daring Do said, riffling through a pile of clothing. She pulled out Bravado's hate and tossed it to him. "I saved your fedora; the guards had it. It just slipped my mind to bring it to you.

"_Gracias, señorita_," Bravado said, twirling the hat a bit before putting it back on his head. "So, who's pulling first?"

"I am. You sit with Storm Talon." Daring Do stood still while Desert Flower tightened some straps around her.

"First stop, Horsepania," Storm Talon said. "Ruby Rust deserves to hear about this possibility."

"I really don't visit her enough," Bravado sighed as he climbed into the wagon.

The cart started down the road.

"What happened to Swinn and Dell?" Bravado asked. "I thought they were coming with us."

"Yeah, right," Storm Talon said. "Soon as they had their horns back on their (censored) faces, they hit the road. Running away is what they do (censored) best. That and (censored) swindling; we're still missing a couple items…"

There was a pause.

"Would you tell me about my father?" Bravado said.

"Didn't Ruby Rust tell you about him?" Storm Talon asked.

"She didn't like to talk about him," Bravado said. "Anyway, you knew him longer than she did."

Storm Talon rubbed his chin with one taloned foot.

"Yeah, I suppose I could do that," he said. "The question is, where to start?"

"Hey, Daring?" Sandstorm asked, holding up the Miracle Chalice. "When were whistles invented?"

Daring didn't answer at first. Bravado tried to figure out what could have made Sandstorm ask that question.

"Um… what kind of whistle?" Daring Do said from up front in the harnesses.

"Uh… I think it's a steam whistle," Sandstorm said, staring at the base of the Miracle Chalice.

The cart jerked to a halt, and both Bravado and Storm Talon sat bolt upright.

Steam Whistle had been a master inventor. His creations had been built not only from clockwork and magic, but woven from the fabric of reality itself. Bravado, Daring, Storm Talon, and many of their friends had spent the better part of a year racing to discover all of Steam Whistle's freak constructions of nature- to destroy them.

"Where?" Storm Talon asked, scrambling over to look at the chalice. Daring undid her straps and joined the others in the wagon bed.

Sandstorm pointed to a small carving of a steam whistle on the base of the cup. That carving was all too familiar; each and every one of Steam Whistle's creations had had that mark.

"But… but…" Bravado stammered. "But the Temple of the Ko-mara predated Steam Whistle by thousands of years! And it wasn't like he'd snuck in or anything- I would have noticed if anypony had been in the temple that recently!"

"And anyways," Storm Talon said, "the ancient texts of the Ko-mara talk about this chalice. It couldn't have been created later!"

Daring adjusted her pith helmet. "But that must mean…"

A chill seemed to sweep over the wagon.

"Steam Whistle had a time machine," Storm Talon said.

There was an eerie silence.

Daring sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this…"


End file.
